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Author Topic:   Humour VIII
1.61803
Member
Posts: 2926
From: Lone Star State USA
Joined: 02-19-2004
Member Rating: 5.1


Message 121 of 1133 (723518)
04-03-2014 10:44 AM
Reply to: Message 118 by ringo
03-31-2014 11:55 AM


Re: Checkmate, Atheists
Ringo writes:

(I also like Nazi marching songs.)

FACIST.


"You were not there for the beginning. You will not be there for the end. Your knowledge of what is going on can only be superficial and relative" William S. Burroughs

This message is a reply to:
 Message 118 by ringo, posted 03-31-2014 11:55 AM ringo has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 122 by ringo, posted 04-03-2014 11:53 AM 1.61803 has not yet responded

  
ringo
Member
Posts: 17673
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005
Member Rating: 3.2


Message 122 of 1133 (723522)
04-03-2014 11:53 AM
Reply to: Message 121 by 1.61803
04-03-2014 10:44 AM


Re: Checkmate, Atheists
1.6 writes:

ringo writes:

(I also like Nazi marching songs.)


FACIST.

Excuse me. I have to go look at Google Maps of Poland now.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 121 by 1.61803, posted 04-03-2014 10:44 AM 1.61803 has not yet responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 123 by frako, posted 04-03-2014 2:46 PM ringo has acknowledged this reply

  
frako
Member
Posts: 2823
From: slovenija
Joined: 09-04-2010


Message 123 of 1133 (723551)
04-03-2014 2:46 PM
Reply to: Message 122 by ringo
04-03-2014 11:53 AM


Re: Checkmate, Atheists

Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand

What are the Christians gonna do to me ..... Forgive me, good luck with that.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 122 by ringo, posted 04-03-2014 11:53 AM ringo has acknowledged this reply

  
frako
Member
Posts: 2823
From: slovenija
Joined: 09-04-2010


Message 124 of 1133 (723583)
04-03-2014 6:01 PM



Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand

What are the Christians gonna do to me ..... Forgive me, good luck with that.


  
Minnemooseus
Member
Posts: 3781
From: Duluth, Minnesota, U.S. (West end of Lake Superior)
Joined: 11-11-2001
Member Rating: 5.2


(1)
Message 125 of 1133 (723673)
04-05-2014 3:25 PM


Skydiver almost struck by meteorite (well, at least saw it go by)
Filed here for lack of a better place.

Found via:
http://littlegreenfootballs.com/...Misses_Norwegian_Skydiver

If the embed doesn't work:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzYJaQ0h4Dg

Moose

Edited by Admin, : Fix link.


Professor, geology, Whatsamatta U
Evolution - Changes in the environment, caused by the interactions of the components of the environment.

"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer." - Bruce Graham

"The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness." - John Kenneth Galbraith

"Yesterday on Fox News, commentator Glenn Beck said that he believes President Obama is a racist. To be fair, every time you watch Glenn Beck, it does get a little easier to hate white people." - Conan O'Brien

"I know a little about a lot of things, and a lot about a few things, but I'm highly ignorant about everything." - Moose


Replies to this message:
 Message 126 by frako, posted 04-05-2014 3:46 PM Minnemooseus has acknowledged this reply
 Message 133 by onifre, posted 04-09-2014 12:48 PM Minnemooseus has acknowledged this reply

  
frako
Member
Posts: 2823
From: slovenija
Joined: 09-04-2010


Message 126 of 1133 (723674)
04-05-2014 3:46 PM
Reply to: Message 125 by Minnemooseus
04-05-2014 3:25 PM


Re: Skydiver almost struck by meteorite (well, at least saw it go by)
um just wondering why wasn't the meteorite burning from the friction with the air?

Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand

What are the Christians gonna do to me ..... Forgive me, good luck with that.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 125 by Minnemooseus, posted 04-05-2014 3:25 PM Minnemooseus has acknowledged this reply

Replies to this message:
 Message 127 by roxrkool, posted 04-05-2014 5:06 PM frako has not yet responded
 Message 128 by Modulous, posted 04-05-2014 5:40 PM frako has not yet responded

  
roxrkool
Member
Posts: 1497
From: Nevada
Joined: 03-23-2003


Message 127 of 1133 (723675)
04-05-2014 5:06 PM
Reply to: Message 126 by frako
04-05-2014 3:46 PM


Re: Skydiver almost struck by meteorite (well, at least saw it go by)
That's what I wondered when I saw the video yesterday. The "meteorite" also looks a bit too angular; it just doesn't seem to have the right shape.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 126 by frako, posted 04-05-2014 3:46 PM frako has not yet responded

  
Modulous
Member (Idle past 446 days)
Posts: 7789
From: Manchester, UK
Joined: 05-01-2005


(1)
Message 128 of 1133 (723683)
04-05-2014 5:40 PM
Reply to: Message 126 by frako
04-05-2014 3:46 PM


Re: Skydiver almost struck by meteorite (well, at least saw it go by)
um just wondering why wasn't the meteorite burning from the friction with the air?

It would have hit the atmosphere at 10km/s (or more) rapidly decelerating and ablating (vapourising essentially). If anything survives it slows down to terminal velocity (about 200-300 mph) and cools to ambient atmospheric temperatures as it plummets, in a period sometimes called 'dark flight'. Only rocks that start the process at about 10 tonnes or more are likely to collide with the earth with some of their cosmic velocity (and thus glow all the way down), if this was one of those - we'd have heard about it as it happened, not two years later!

If you picked up a freshly fallen meteoroid, you probably wouldn't notice any significant temperatures (though in fairness, testing this is tricky).

Edited by Modulous, : No reason given.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 126 by frako, posted 04-05-2014 3:46 PM frako has not yet responded

  
Percy
Member
Posts: 19110
From: New Hampshire
Joined: 12-23-2000
Member Rating: 3.1


(2)
Message 129 of 1133 (723701)
04-06-2014 9:22 AM


When Requirements Meet Reality

The lead manager at the head of the table was the personality who in my experience causes the most damage. Where I work the stupidity usually involves failure to recognize when a decision will have a significant impact on human resource requirements.

--Percy


  
RAZD
Member
Posts: 20331
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004
Member Rating: 3.6


(5)
Message 130 of 1133 (723762)
04-07-2014 10:11 PM


Faux Noise Updated Graph

(from SNL http://www.nbc.com/...s-obamacare-and-climate-change/2770790)


we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
Rebel American Zen Deist
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
to share.


• • • Join the effort to solve medical problems, AIDS/HIV, Cancer and more with Team EvC! (click) • • •

  
ringo
Member
Posts: 17673
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005
Member Rating: 3.2


(1)
Message 131 of 1133 (723783)
04-08-2014 12:15 PM


Easter Joke
George decided he wanted to be a Mountie so he went down to the local detachment to apply.

The sergeant said, "I'm going to ask you a few questions to test your intelligence and general aptitude. First, name three fruits."

George said, "A banana and two cherries."

The sergeant hesitated and then wrote something on his pad. "I'll give you full marks for mathematcs but I can only give you partial credit for English. Let's try a follow-up question: Name three fruits that start with 'n'."

George said, "A napple, a norange and a nonion."

The sergeant hesitated again and wrote something on his pad again. "I'm afraid I can only give you partial credit again. A nonion is not a fruit."

It went on like that for a while. Eventually the sergeant said, "I have one last queston for you: Who killed Jesus Christ?"

George thought carefully, Who killed Jesus Christ? Who killed Jesus Christ?, but he couldn't come up with an answer.

Finally the sergeant said, "I'll tell you what. Why don't you go home and think about it and come back when you have an answer?"

All the way home George was thinking, Who killed Jesus Christ? Who killed Jesus Christ?

When he got home his wife asked him how it went and he said, "They asked me some really hard questions. At first I didn't think I was doing very well but they must have liked my answers because they put me on a murder case already."


  
frako
Member
Posts: 2823
From: slovenija
Joined: 09-04-2010


Message 132 of 1133 (723816)
04-09-2014 5:51 AM


super gay Nazi soldiers LFMAO

Edited by frako, : No reason given.


Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand

What are the Christians gonna do to me ..... Forgive me, good luck with that.


  
onifre
Member (Idle past 1293 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 133 of 1133 (723826)
04-09-2014 12:48 PM
Reply to: Message 125 by Minnemooseus
04-05-2014 3:25 PM


Re: Skydiver almost struck by meteorite (well, at least saw it go by)
I couldn't understand any of it. They were speaking gibberish I think.

- Oni


This message is a reply to:
 Message 125 by Minnemooseus, posted 04-05-2014 3:25 PM Minnemooseus has acknowledged this reply

  
hooah212002
Member (Idle past 164 days)
Posts: 3183
Joined: 08-12-2009


(4)
Message 134 of 1133 (723840)
04-09-2014 9:14 PM


God as an out of touch CEO
Found here

quote:

Day 1: God asked me to build an arc. Says He’s going to flood the world. Told Him I’m not much of a sailor.

Day 3: Wife has been laughing uncontrollably. “Christ, you couldn’t even build that cabinet for my sister. We’re fucked”. Listen, her sister kept changing the dimensions on me. Plus I didn’t have good wood. Should have good wood on this project.

Day 4: Told God we should use spruce and He’s sort of noncommittal on whether He can get His hands on that or not. Later, in making small chat, God says “you know what else is a good wood- dogwood”, which I’m 90% sure is a bush.

Day 5 Things get heated, when talking about the plan and timeline and I bring up the dogwood line. I ask Him, flat out: “how much do You really know about wood and boats?” and He LOSES IT. Keeps yelling that He doesn’t want to have to “micromanage” the end of the world, and that I just need to get it done.

Day 6: I tell Him the wood is handled and He says “Great, how are we doing on lyme?” and I just let is slide that He thinks lymestone goes into building ships and say “pretty damn good!”

Day 7: God tells me the full plan: I have to get two of every animal and board them on the Arc to continue life. I say, “what about the trees?” and He says “what you mean?” and I say “I’m pretty sure trees can’t live after being submerged in water for 40 days and 40 nights” and He says “you’re shittin me??!!”.

Day 8: We argue about how much water trees can take for the better part of the day, then He finally says “listen, they can fucking take it, OK- I created them and I know them. Now we’re DONE talking about trees”. I tell Him, “OK, but just remember all life collapses if there’s no trees for herbivores”. “WHATT???”, He yells back.

Day 9: I don’t think God understands the distinction between a herbivore and a carnivore. He thought you could just take all the animals and drop them in a new place and it would “just kind of work”. Keeps telling me, “I don’t get bogged down in details”. Says He created the whole place in 6 days and it’s still running and I should just trust Him.

Day 10: We start getting into the technical details of the boat. It’s daunting. Will need to be enormous. I say I’ll probably have to hire help and He’s real conspiratorial about it: “well don’t tell them anything!” and keeps pushing back with, “I thought you had a bunch of kids, can’t they do it?”

Day 14: We often fight over animals. First of all, I can’t tell if half these creatures are male or female. Sure, for a lion or donkey, it’s easy, but for things like an ant or a duck- I have no idea. I mean, we could have two male penguins on this boat.

He keeps saying “Listen, if one of these creatures doesn’t make it –the thing to focus on is– no one in the future will know!”, which has been His mantra from the get-go. Loves to say, “The Future Doesn’t Know, What The Future Never Saw!”.

Day 20: More animal fights. He can’t see where the real problems are and assures me He’s “gonna keep the tigers in line”, but I tell Him, “actually I’m more worried about the termites and skunks”. He doesn’t believe that termites actually eat wood and thinks its an urban legend.

Day 30: Lots of paper work. I ask God if He actually cares about capitalizing the ‘h’ in “He” when it refers to God and He says, “Yeah- huge deal to Me”.

Day 35: Out of nowhere He says, “Oh, and by the way, don’t worry about the dinosaurs- I’ll keep them in line too” and I say “what in the fuck are you talking about?” and He describes lizards that are as tall as a temple that eat each other violently and in talking about it, I start getting the impression He’s actually flooded Earth, like, 50 or 60 times and no longer has any idea what’s alive down here.

Day 40: One of my sons got on an ostrich as a joke and it ran him into the next town. Those things are fast.

Day 41: bats shit constantly.

Day 43: beavers ate the rudder. God says not to worry: “what ya, gonna hit some thing?- the whole planet will be water”.

Day 50: Went to what I thought was the supply closet and a gorilla ripped both my arms out of their socket. “What in the Hell are we doing here?”, I yell and a huge fight with God starts.

“Why can’t you kill just the bad people with lighting? Why do you need the flood the entire world??!”, I yell. “Do you know how many bolts of lighting that would be?”, He yells back, “… Zillions, probably!” and there’s kind of a pause there and I get the impression he actually has no idea how many people are on Earth.

“Besides, a flood’s great drama! We are ON for the flood. It’s a GO!”

Day 55: Launch day. We’re sailing. So nervous. To start with, I doubt we have more than 20%
of the actual wildlife on Earth. Second, I have no idea how to sail and, third, it turns out termites do in fact eat wood.

I share my concerns with God: “What if I fail? What if all life dies because I wasn’t strong enough?”

God tells me not to worry so much. How hard can sailing be in a world filled with water? Also claims fished learned to walk once and “they can probably do it again”. Keeps claiming “that’s the backup plan!- we let fish walk again”.

Not so sure about that plan.

I will say this for God- He’s got an infectious laugh.



Organic life is nothing but a genetic mutation, an accident. Your lives are measured in years and decades. You wither and die. We are eternal, the pinnacle of evolution and existence. Before us, you are nothing. Your extinction is inevitable. We are the end of everything.

  
ringo
Member
Posts: 17673
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005
Member Rating: 3.2


(1)
Message 135 of 1133 (724351)
04-16-2014 11:43 AM


A paleontologist said, "Wow!
I just found a pre-Cambrian cow.
Evolution is bunk
And DNA is junk.
Please mail me my Nobel Prize now!"

His biologist colleague said, "Now,
Your discovery may be a wow,
But it doesn't stress me.
What would really impress me
Would be a creationist cow."

The pre-Cambrian cow said, "Moo-oo,
I evolved from a droplet of goo.
You're free not to love it
(If not, you can shove it)
But I'm still related to you."


  
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