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Author Topic:   Humour VIII
Tangle
Member
Posts: 9489
From: UK
Joined: 10-07-2011
Member Rating: 4.9


(2)
Message 511 of 1442 (785240)
05-31-2016 2:04 PM


Ol' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death. The family called their pastor to stand with them.
As the pastor stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The pastor thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.
At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.
He said, "You know, ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He opened the note, and read,
"Asshole, you're standing on my oxygen tube!"

Je suis Charlie. Je suis Ahmed. Je suis Juif. Je suis Parisien.
Life, don't talk to me about life - Marvin the Paranoid Android
"Science adjusts it's views based on what's observed.
Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved."
- Tim Minchin, in his beat poem, Storm.

Replies to this message:
 Message 1222 by Phat, posted 10-06-2020 8:42 AM Tangle has not replied

  
Dr Adequate
Member (Idle past 284 days)
Posts: 16113
Joined: 07-20-2006


(2)
Message 512 of 1442 (785363)
06-03-2016 8:55 AM



  
JonF
Member (Idle past 167 days)
Posts: 6174
Joined: 06-23-2003


(2)
Message 513 of 1442 (785771)
06-10-2016 11:04 AM



  
Tangle
Member
Posts: 9489
From: UK
Joined: 10-07-2011
Member Rating: 4.9


Message 514 of 1442 (786631)
06-24-2016 5:08 AM



Je suis Charlie. Je suis Ahmed. Je suis Juif. Je suis Parisien.
Life, don't talk to me about life - Marvin the Paranoid Android
"Science adjusts it's views based on what's observed.
Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved."
- Tim Minchin, in his beat poem, Storm.

Replies to this message:
 Message 516 by Rrhain, posted 06-26-2016 3:22 AM Tangle has not replied

  
RAZD
Member (Idle past 1404 days)
Posts: 20714
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004


Message 515 of 1442 (786690)
06-24-2016 4:06 PM
Reply to: Message 510 by New Cat's Eye
05-21-2016 6:27 PM


Re: Seen it here
Ted Rall

we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
RebelAmerican☆Zen☯Deist
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
to share.


Join the effort to solve medical problems, AIDS/HIV, Cancer and more with Team EvC! (click)

This message is a reply to:
 Message 510 by New Cat's Eye, posted 05-21-2016 6:27 PM New Cat's Eye has not replied

  
Rrhain
Member
Posts: 6351
From: San Diego, CA, USA
Joined: 05-03-2003


Message 516 of 1442 (786729)
06-26-2016 3:22 AM
Reply to: Message 514 by Tangle
06-24-2016 5:08 AM


Right...because WHAT ABOUT THE WHITEZ!

Rrhain

Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can use mine.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 514 by Tangle, posted 06-24-2016 5:08 AM Tangle has not replied

  
RAZD
Member (Idle past 1404 days)
Posts: 20714
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004


(4)
Message 517 of 1442 (786733)
06-26-2016 7:10 AM


From Facebook Geology Page

we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
RebelAmerican☆Zen☯Deist
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
to share.


Join the effort to solve medical problems, AIDS/HIV, Cancer and more with Team EvC! (click)

  
frako
Member (Idle past 305 days)
Posts: 2932
From: slovenija
Joined: 09-04-2010


(2)
Message 518 of 1442 (787124)
07-04-2016 3:22 PM



Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand
What are the Christians gonna do to me ..... Forgive me, good luck with that.

  
Dr Adequate
Member (Idle past 284 days)
Posts: 16113
Joined: 07-20-2006


(6)
Message 519 of 1442 (787181)
07-06-2016 4:57 PM



  
glowby
Member
Posts: 75
From: Fox River Grove, IL
Joined: 05-29-2010


(5)
Message 520 of 1442 (787184)
07-06-2016 7:15 PM


Making the rounds now at some humor sites.

  
Tanypteryx
Member
Posts: 4344
From: Oregon, USA
Joined: 08-27-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


(7)
Message 521 of 1442 (787187)
07-06-2016 11:30 PM



What if Eleanor Roosevelt had wings? -- Monty Python
One important characteristic of a theory is that is has survived repeated attempts to falsify it. Contrary to your understanding, all available evidence confirms it. --Subbie
If evolution is shown to be false, it will be at the hands of things that are true, not made up. --percy

Replies to this message:
 Message 522 by Pressie, posted 07-07-2016 7:12 AM Tanypteryx has seen this message but not replied

  
Pressie
Member
Posts: 2103
From: Pretoria, SA
Joined: 06-18-2010


(1)
Message 522 of 1442 (787193)
07-07-2016 7:12 AM
Reply to: Message 521 by Tanypteryx
07-06-2016 11:30 PM


Does that Ark feature a Synagogue?

This message is a reply to:
 Message 521 by Tanypteryx, posted 07-06-2016 11:30 PM Tanypteryx has seen this message but not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 523 by ringo, posted 07-07-2016 12:15 PM Pressie has not replied

  
ringo
Member (Idle past 411 days)
Posts: 20940
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005


(1)
Message 523 of 1442 (787209)
07-07-2016 12:15 PM
Reply to: Message 522 by Pressie
07-07-2016 7:12 AM


Pressie writes:
Does that Ark feature a Synagogue?
The Gift Shop is as good as a Temple.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 522 by Pressie, posted 07-07-2016 7:12 AM Pressie has not replied

  
Dr Adequate
Member (Idle past 284 days)
Posts: 16113
Joined: 07-20-2006


(2)
Message 524 of 1442 (787216)
07-07-2016 3:20 PM


Here's the line to get into the Ark ...
Story here.

Replies to this message:
 Message 525 by glowby, posted 07-07-2016 8:49 PM Dr Adequate has not replied

  
glowby
Member
Posts: 75
From: Fox River Grove, IL
Joined: 05-29-2010


Message 525 of 1442 (787232)
07-07-2016 8:49 PM
Reply to: Message 524 by Dr Adequate
07-07-2016 3:20 PM


The REAL reason for the short lines to the ark: Noah's cloverleaf.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 524 by Dr Adequate, posted 07-07-2016 3:20 PM Dr Adequate has not replied

  
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