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Author | Topic: Humour VIII | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
1.61803 Member (Idle past 1504 days) Posts: 2928 From: Lone Star State USA Joined:
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A Texan walks into a bar in Oklahoma,
He orders 3 beers and goes to the back and proceeds to drink them by having a drink out of each until they are all gone. Then he orders another 3 beers and drinks them. The Bartender tells the man it would be better to order one at a time so the beer will stay cold. To which the Texas replies, " I have 2 brothers stationed in Iraq and we made a pack that when we drink we will order beers for each of us so we can drink together in spirit. The Texan becomes a regular and no one thinks anything of his drinking the 3 beers at a time until one day he only orders 2 beers. The bartender comes to the back table and says, " I am so sorry for your loss of one of your brothers." Texan says, " Oh you got it wrong, both my brothers are fine. My wife and I just joined a new church and I had to stop drinking." "You were not there for the beginning. You will not be there for the end. Your knowledge of what is going on can only be superficial and relative" William S. Burroughs |
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1.61803 Member (Idle past 1504 days) Posts: 2928 From: Lone Star State USA Joined: |
Freakin hilarious!
"You were not there for the beginning. You will not be there for the end. Your knowledge of what is going on can only be superficial and relative" William S. Burroughs
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1.61803 Member (Idle past 1504 days) Posts: 2928 From: Lone Star State USA Joined:
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A Gator expert handler goes into a bar with a alligator and announces he will perform a stunt for free drinks.
He states he will put his private parts in the alligators mouth and remove them without so much as a scratch. He jumps onto the bar with the gator and gingerly puts his privates into the gators mouth and then with a blow on it's head with his beer bottle the gator opens it's mouth and low and behold he is unscathed. He then announces does anyone in here care to try it?????? Way in the back corner of the bar a little old lady comes forth and says, " I'll give it a go but just don't hit me to hard with the beer bottle." Edited by 1.61803, : No reason given. Edited by 1.61803, : spelling"You were not there for the beginning. You will not be there for the end. Your knowledge of what is going on can only be superficial and relative" William S. Burroughs |
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1.61803 Member (Idle past 1504 days) Posts: 2928 From: Lone Star State USA Joined: |
ACP Journals
Here ya go."You were not there for the beginning. You will not be there for the end. Your knowledge of what is going on can only be superficial and relative" William S. Burroughs
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1.61803 Member (Idle past 1504 days) Posts: 2928 From: Lone Star State USA Joined:
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Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them????
So when they get to port they can Scandinavian! Ba bum ta!!!"You were not there for the beginning. You will not be there for the end. Your knowledge of what is going on can only be superficial and relative" William S. Burroughs
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1.61803 Member (Idle past 1504 days) Posts: 2928 From: Lone Star State USA Joined:
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"You were not there for the beginning. You will not be there for the end. Your knowledge of what is going on can only be superficial and relative" William S. Burroughs |
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1.61803 Member (Idle past 1504 days) Posts: 2928 From: Lone Star State USA Joined:
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Have you heard the joke about Oedipus and Midas?
It's motherfucking golden."You were not there for the beginning. You will not be there for the end. Your knowledge of what is going on can only be superficial and relative" William S. Burroughs
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1.61803 Member (Idle past 1504 days) Posts: 2928 From: Lone Star State USA Joined:
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Louis CK has been accused of whipping his genitals out and masturbating. In other news others say they seen it coming.
Ok too soon. "You were not there for the beginning. You will not be there for the end. Your knowledge of what is going on can only be superficial and relative" William S. Burroughs
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1.61803 Member (Idle past 1504 days) Posts: 2928 From: Lone Star State USA Joined:
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Question: What do you call a Communist sniper?
Answer: A Marx man"You were not there for the beginning. You will not be there for the end. Your knowledge of what is going on can only be superficial and relative" William S. Burroughs |
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1.61803 Member (Idle past 1504 days) Posts: 2928 From: Lone Star State USA Joined:
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"You were not there for the beginning. You will not be there for the end. Your knowledge of what is going on can only be superficial and relative" William S. Burroughs |
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1.61803 Member (Idle past 1504 days) Posts: 2928 From: Lone Star State USA Joined:
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So this lady arranges to have her husband funeral arrangements made and tells the mortician she would like him buried in a blue suit.
The mortician sees the deceased man is finely dressed in a impeccable black suit. The wife acknowledged he looks great in the suit but insist he be buried in a blue one regardless of the cost. The next day she goes to the funeral home and sees her husband is indeed dressed in a fine blue suit. She is very pleased and asks the mortician how much does she owe. He explain there no charge, It is on the house. "You see my lady, as soon as you left yesterday I had another client bring in her husband dressed in a blue suit who wanted him buried in a black one. So it was a simple matter of switching the heads.""You were not there for the beginning. You will not be there for the end. Your knowledge of what is going on can only be superficial and relative" William S. Burroughs |
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1.61803 Member (Idle past 1504 days) Posts: 2928 From: Lone Star State USA Joined: |
Number 4 for reminds me of Scrooge.
"There is more gravy to you than the grave." Edited by 1.61803, : add number 4"You were not there for the beginning. You will not be there for the end. Your knowledge of what is going on can only be superficial and relative" William S. Burroughs
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1.61803 Member (Idle past 1504 days) Posts: 2928 From: Lone Star State USA Joined: |
"4. God speaking to you is indistinguishable from a bad burrito."
To me it sounds like something Stragger would say. "You were not there for the beginning. You will not be there for the end. Your knowledge of what is going on can only be superficial and relative" William S. Burroughs
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1.61803 Member (Idle past 1504 days) Posts: 2928 From: Lone Star State USA Joined:
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Some asshole knocks on my door this morning telling me I needed to be saved or else I would burn.
Stupid fireman."You were not there for the beginning. You will not be there for the end. Your knowledge of what is going on can only be superficial and relative" William S. Burroughs |
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1.61803 Member (Idle past 1504 days) Posts: 2928 From: Lone Star State USA Joined:
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I am giving you a plus sign cuz this is hilarious. Edited by AdminPhat, : No reason given."You were not there for the beginning. You will not be there for the end. Your knowledge of what is going on can only be superficial and relative" William S. Burroughs
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