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Author Topic:   Humour VIII
dwise1
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Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


(1)
Message 961 of 1442 (851238)
04-21-2019 11:31 AM
Reply to: Message 960 by Phat
04-21-2019 10:27 AM


Re: Easter Humor Continued
Not a joke, but rather a conversation a few decades ago.
At Hughes Aircraft, I shared my office with a Jewish bachelor. Every Thanksgiving, the company would give us a coupon for a frozen turkey at a major grocery chain. When we received our coupons, he remarked that he was going to give his turkey to his mother to cook for Passover dinner. I remarked that I had never heard of turkey for Passover. He said, "Everybody has turkey for Passover. What do you have for Passover?" I thought for a moment and answered, "Ham." He looked puzzled for a few seconds and then realized, "Oh, yeah."

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dwise1
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Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


(1)
Message 963 of 1442 (851272)
04-21-2019 9:40 PM
Reply to: Message 962 by ringo
04-21-2019 2:13 PM


Re: Rare Easter joke
And falling down the well he doesn't see because he's walking distracted.

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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


(5)
Message 968 of 1442 (851517)
04-26-2019 3:10 AM


Mrs. Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian: Evangelicals Breaking Up with Jesus
From YouTube:
"What's the difference between atheists and evangelicals? Atheists are honest about not following Jesus."

  
dwise1
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Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


(2)
Message 977 of 1442 (852681)
05-15-2019 2:21 PM
Reply to: Message 976 by ringo
05-15-2019 12:09 PM


Re: Appears Americans are underinformed ...
And addicted to dihydrogen monoxide.
Dihydrogen monoxide is truly insidious, acting as a gateway to the stronger stuff like coffee.
Edited by dwise1, : "gateway" (apparently current) instead of "stepping stone" (what we were told in the 60's)

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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


(4)
Message 980 of 1442 (852685)
05-15-2019 3:06 PM


Sand Sculpture: Liberty Crumbling
quote:
Damon Langlois has been awarded 1st Place for his incredible sand sculpture, “Liberty Crumbling”, at the 2019 Texas SandFest. The 23rd annual Texas SandFest drew 35,000 people to Port Aransas, Texas and is recognized as the largest native-sand sculpture competition in the United States.

Replies to this message:
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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 996 of 1442 (853280)
05-24-2019 4:50 PM
Reply to: Message 995 by RAZD
05-24-2019 9:36 AM


Re: Climbing Everest
I've heard that a lot of that garbage consists of the bodies of dead mountain climbers.

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dwise1
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Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 998 of 1442 (853911)
06-02-2019 1:29 PM


Proposed Additions to my Signature
I just thought of a couple new items for my signature.:
quote:
Clarke's Three Laws with proposed addition of a fourth law:
  1. When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
  2. The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.
  3. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
  4. God speaking to you is indistinguishable from a bad burrito.

And:
quote:
When God says diametrically opposed things to different people, does that then become yet another irresolvable case of "He said, He said"?
What do you think?
ABE:
My thanks to jar for the "bad burrito" argument. And to Percy for having tracked it down to Message 61, 2007.
Edited by dwise1, : ABE

Replies to this message:
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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 1004 of 1442 (857726)
07-10-2019 7:42 PM
Reply to: Message 998 by dwise1
06-02-2019 1:29 PM


Re: Proposed Additions to my Signature
4. God speaking to you is indistinguishable from a bad burrito.
Never mind bad burritos; I've got egg on my face.
I know that somebody here had originated that point (or at least was the first to mention it here on this forum, which is the first place I had encountered it), but I do not remember who. Yes, I did try a search, but it has proven so popular that several members use it now.
I would at least like to acknowledge the source.

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Replies to this message:
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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 1009 of 1442 (857808)
07-11-2019 2:33 PM
Reply to: Message 1008 by Percy
07-11-2019 2:01 PM


Re: Proposed Additions to my Signature
Thanks. Using the forum's search feature I think I was only able to go back to 2010, though that also pointed to jar.

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dwise1
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Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


(1)
Message 1016 of 1442 (858922)
07-25-2019 1:09 PM


New Presidential Seal
Breaking News! Trump spoke before a conservative youth organization and someone on the audio-visual staff displayed a doctored version of the Presidential Seal behind Trump. I captured the image from the only YouTube video so far to show it, but that looks like one of the fake foreign channels. However, this did happen as it is being reported by Washington Post, MSNBC, and other news sources which do show the video.
The eagle has been transformed into a two-headed Russian eagle (see the Russian insert -- the entire eagle appears to have copied over and modified). Instead of holding arrows in its talons, it's holding golf clubs. And the banner over the eagle's head which used to have the original National Motto ("E Pluribus Unum") now says "45 es un titere", which is Spanish for "45 is a puppet".
Report is that the AV tech found responsible has been fired. The original image is supposed to be from a site, One Term Donnie, but it doesn't seem to have a history of images (but rather has current memes and you get to pick one of a half dozen ways of displaying them). Since I couldn't obtain the original image, I had to go with the screen capture instead.
Share and enjoy!
Edited by dwise1, : One Term Donnie as the source of the image

Replies to this message:
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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


(1)
Message 1018 of 1442 (858924)
07-25-2019 2:51 PM
Reply to: Message 1017 by JonF
07-25-2019 2:26 PM


Re: New Presidential Seal
Thanks for the far superior image. I couldn't see the cash in the video.
Edited by dwise1, : Added modified adjective to "image"

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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 1052 of 1442 (862581)
09-07-2019 3:55 AM


Lapsed Unitarian?
Probably not the best topic for this thought, but I'd be hard-pressed to find the proper one in short time.
I left Christianity over a half century ago (circa age 12) because I started reading the Bible with the idea that that was what I needed to believe, only to find that I simply could not believe it. Two-and-a-half decades later my family (id est, my own personal family including my wife and our two sons) got involved with a local Unitarian-Universalist church (it's a long story with sordid depictions of flagrant religious discrimination). That was around 1992. Around 2000, I stopped going (one or both of my sons may have joined me). And through and after the divorce et al. I've not been back.
Does that make me a Lapsed Unitarian?
Edited by dwise1, : Proper definition of the meaning of "my family"

Replies to this message:
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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 1071 of 1442 (863249)
09-23-2019 3:06 PM
Reply to: Message 1064 by jar
09-23-2019 10:42 AM


Re: the wall of sham ...
There was even an ape, (not our orangeutan, some other ape), that climbed the Empire State Building while carrying a pretty girl.
So then with one hand tied behind his back, figuratively speaking. To borrow from the movie, Dogma, that's why he's the King and Trump is just a schmuck.

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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


Message 1072 of 1442 (863250)
09-23-2019 3:07 PM
Reply to: Message 1065 by Faith
09-23-2019 10:47 AM


Re: the wall of sham ...
Sorry, I don't get your joke.

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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5930
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 5.8


(2)
Message 1089 of 1442 (864266)
10-09-2019 1:24 PM
Reply to: Message 1088 by 1.61803
10-09-2019 11:44 AM


Re: the blind cowboy
I've never been much for blonde jokes. My ex-wife's best friend since high school is blonde. One day in a show of support, I responded to a blonde joke on TV with, "That's wrong. Blondes are not dumb, they're just light-headed." (referring to the light coloration)
She didn't get it.
Edited by dwise1, : Substituted a much better and uncensored word, "dumb". A twofer!

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