I'm not sure what tune it's supposed to go with, so it's difficult for me to judge it's "flow" (not that I'm any sort of expert at that anyway...)
But I suggest keeping an eye on your syllable-count.
When certain lines should be "about the same" in whatever-tune-you're-carrying... if the syllable-count is too far off, then it's just not going to "flow."
I'm trying to say something like this:
My letters "A," "B," and "C" represent the same lines in your verses.
Each A should have a similar syllable count, as well with each B and each C - otherwise using the same tune (whatever it is) for each verse isn't going to "flow."
A - Yo ho ho! from a Florida dump
B - Hoist your golf club, here is Trump
C - Reserving Mar-a-lago for Vladimir
A - Mein Kampf stands on his own night table
B - He's praising Hitler when he's able
C - Says he always admires Vladimir
A - Long ago we laughed up in his eyes
B - But voters voted and he began the Lies
C - Who'd have thought we'd ever wind up here
A - So now he's running to rock the boat
B - Some may sink but we still can vote
C - Grab your coat, let's mark our ballot here
And here are your syllable counts:
A: 9; 9; 9; 9
B: 7; 9; 11; 8
C: 11; 10; 9; 9
So, from this I'm guessing:
The first line of each verse always seems to flow well.
The second line seems really varied in each verse - flow is difficult here.
The third line is strange in the first verse, but fairly smooth for the next 3 verses.
A "perfect poem" would have all the same syllables (kind of like a limerick's restrictions...)
A: 9; 9; 9; 9
B: 9; 9; 9; 9
C: 9; 9; 9; 9
But it also has to fit your tune.
It's much more important for "All A's" and "All B's" and "All C's" to have the same number of syllables than it is for A to match B and/or C. In fact, there are many who would say your song/poem is "boring" if A matches B and C.
So, there's nothing wrong with something like:
A: 9; 9; 9; 9
B: 10; 10; 10; 10
C: 9; 9; 9; 9
Or even if one line in one verse doesn't "fit in" perfectly - it likely won't matter.
But if all verses have a different number of syllables for the same line - it's very difficult for the flow to come off smooth.
Don't take this advice too much to heart - I'm certainly no song or poem writer. It's just what sticks out to me, is all.
Good luck and have fun!
™ Version 4.2
