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Author Topic:   Humour VIII
ringo
Member (Idle past 499 days)
Posts: 20940
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005


(1)
Message 1165 of 1450 (872593)
02-29-2020 10:43 AM
Reply to: Message 1164 by JonF
02-28-2020 3:11 PM


On the bright side, the roll bar works.

"I'm Fallen and I can't get up!"

This message is a reply to:
 Message 1164 by JonF, posted 02-28-2020 3:11 PM JonF has not replied

  
ringo
Member (Idle past 499 days)
Posts: 20940
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005


(2)
Message 1172 of 1450 (873506)
03-16-2020 12:17 PM
Reply to: Message 1170 by Faith
03-15-2020 1:07 PM


Re: Actually it's propaganda not at all disguised.
Faith writes:
But I suppose its humor is in the eyes of the Leftist beholder.
Only Leftists have a sense of humour. Rightists are the jokes.

"I'm Fallen and I can't get up!"

This message is a reply to:
 Message 1170 by Faith, posted 03-15-2020 1:07 PM Faith has not replied

  
ringo
Member (Idle past 499 days)
Posts: 20940
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005


(1)
Message 1231 of 1450 (883032)
11-01-2020 2:26 PM
Reply to: Message 1230 by AZPaul3
10-31-2020 4:54 AM


AZPaul3 writes:
Good god where did the time go?
I hear people talking about, "waaaay back in the eighties." Half the time I'm still thinking of the eighties as the future.

"I've been to Moose Jaw, now I can die." -- John Wing

This message is a reply to:
 Message 1230 by AZPaul3, posted 10-31-2020 4:54 AM AZPaul3 has seen this message but not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 1232 by dwise1, posted 11-01-2020 3:17 PM ringo has seen this message but not replied

  
ringo
Member (Idle past 499 days)
Posts: 20940
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005


(1)
Message 1236 of 1450 (883041)
11-02-2020 11:24 AM
Reply to: Message 1234 by AZPaul3
11-01-2020 10:26 PM


Re: Observation.
AZPaul3 writes:
Ever since then the human cultural activity we used to call popular music has gone to the depths of formula with no imagination, no evolution, no poetry and no soul.
I am reminded of Bing Crosby in Going My Way:
Bing plays a songwriter-turned-priest and the parents of a runaway teenage girl want him to talk her out of her dream of being a famous singer. He asks her to sings and she sings, all the while moving her hands in a wax-on wax-off motion.
He stops her and asks what the hand signals are about. She replies that somebody told her to move her hands while she sings.
He says yes, but the hand motions should have something to do with what you're singing.
Which brings me to Beyonc., et al. and their backup dancers who do the same moves for every song. (Or maybe every song IS saying the same thing.)
Which reminds me of Jed Clampett singing, "Well Baby Oh Baby Yeah Baby." (You can find it on YouTube.)
Which reminds me of Fred Flintstone, as Hi-Fye, singing, "Listen to the rockin' bird."
Which reminds me....

"I've been to Moose Jaw, now I can die." -- John Wing

This message is a reply to:
 Message 1234 by AZPaul3, posted 11-01-2020 10:26 PM AZPaul3 has not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 1237 by dwise1, posted 11-02-2020 1:41 PM ringo has seen this message but not replied

  
ringo
Member (Idle past 499 days)
Posts: 20940
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005


(1)
Message 1249 of 1450 (883307)
11-26-2020 12:00 PM


When you're little, you slip and fall on the ice and you cry because it's the end of the world. Luckily, the end of the world doesn't last long.
When you're a little older, you slip and fall on the ice and you say, "Hey, that's fun!" and you do it again on purpose.
When you get a little older, say pre-teen, you slip and fall on the ice and you're embarassed. You look around to see if anybody noticed.
When you get a little older, you slip and fall on the ice and you're angry. "Why doesn't somebody put some salt on that?"
When you get old, you slip and fall on the ice and before you get up you stop and check whether anything is broken. Do you have any new aches and pains that you didn't have five minutes ago?
You don't get any older than that.

"I've been to Moose Jaw, now I can die." -- John Wing

  
ringo
Member (Idle past 499 days)
Posts: 20940
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005


Message 1300 of 1450 (887062)
07-06-2021 12:21 PM
Reply to: Message 1298 by Phat
07-06-2021 5:33 AM


Re: Bit Harsh
Phat writes:
It was humans who thought that they knew and heard from God....
In other words, humans who thought they communed with God, like you.

"I've been to Moose Jaw, now I can die." -- John Wing

This message is a reply to:
 Message 1298 by Phat, posted 07-06-2021 5:33 AM Phat has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 1301 by Phat, posted 07-07-2021 4:40 AM ringo has replied

  
ringo
Member (Idle past 499 days)
Posts: 20940
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005


Message 1304 of 1450 (887077)
07-07-2021 12:13 PM
Reply to: Message 1301 by Phat
07-07-2021 4:40 AM


Re: Bit Harsh
Phat writes:
The name is NOT Leprechaun. Or Ringo. Or Science. Or Allah. Or BigFoot. The name is Jesus.
Bullshit.
As I said, your so-called "communion" is nothing but imagination. You don't even accept the "real" historical Jesus.

"I've been to Moose Jaw, now I can die." -- John Wing

This message is a reply to:
 Message 1301 by Phat, posted 07-07-2021 4:40 AM Phat has seen this message but not replied

  
ringo
Member (Idle past 499 days)
Posts: 20940
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005


(1)
Message 1307 of 1450 (887162)
07-16-2021 12:49 PM
Reply to: Message 1306 by dwise1
07-15-2021 6:13 PM


Re: Looked Like Merkel was Getting the Scottish Treatment
dwise1 writes:
Because I know German, I can follow what Hitler is actually saying (only the subtitles are being changed) and so I also know that it's not what the subtitles are saying.
When Prime Minister Trudeau speaks in Parliament, he does a paragraph in English and then the same paragraph in French. But the interpreter tramples on the French with a translation into English. I feel like yelling at the TV, "I already heard the English! I don't need your second-hand second-rate version."
(One thing that interests me about French-to-English translations is the use of the word "population". French Canadians tend to say things like, "The population likes ice cream," where English Canadians say, "The people like ice cream," and reserve "population for the number of people.)
dwise1 writes:
Yes, I do catch when the subtitles do not match the dialog and I treat those as Easter eggs of a sort.
I have some movies that I downloaded (from possibly questionable sources) that have Portuguese subtitles. I do feel compelled to read the subtitles and it is a bit of a distraction. But I can tell Portuguese from Spanish.

"I've been to Moose Jaw, now I can die." -- John Wing

This message is a reply to:
 Message 1306 by dwise1, posted 07-15-2021 6:13 PM dwise1 has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 1308 by dwise1, posted 07-17-2021 3:08 PM ringo has seen this message but not replied

  
ringo
Member (Idle past 499 days)
Posts: 20940
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005


Message 1326 of 1450 (889705)
12-11-2021 12:01 PM
Reply to: Message 1325 by anglagard
12-11-2021 9:13 AM


Re: Irony Defined
Phat writes:
The daughter and male companion are looking to move to Germany to escape the Nazis.
Small World Department:
My ancestors were Mennonites - German-speaking pacifists - who came to Canada before WWI. They weren't popular during the war so they decided to leave Canada, to "find freedom" I guess.
They moved to Paraguay.

"I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man!"
-- Lucky Ned Pepper

This message is a reply to:
 Message 1325 by anglagard, posted 12-11-2021 9:13 AM anglagard has not replied

  
ringo
Member (Idle past 499 days)
Posts: 20940
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005


(3)
Message 1337 of 1450 (893341)
04-06-2022 4:15 PM


I got my pension information from the government, so now I can do my taxes. It seems I get a retirement benefit and a post-retirement benefit. Hmm.... I would have thought that retirement was the period of time in which I have been retired - and post-retirement is the period of time since I retired. I'm not quite clear on the distinction.
This year's tax return has 48,000 lines. (There may be some numbers missing - I didn't count them.)
I have to enter two numbers: old-age security and Canada Pension Plan - or maybe three numbers if I have to keep retirement and post-retirement separate. Then I have to add them together.
Then I have to enter zeroes on all of the other lines and add them together and subtract them from my total income to get my taxable income. Then I have to multiply by some percentage to get the amount of tax I owe. If it's less than $48,000 (it is), I enter zero and I get a refund of all the taxes I have paid in (zero).
I had a heck of a time finding the provincial tax forms. For a minute I thought they had stopped collecting taxes. (How will they survive without my zero dollars?) But I found them in the back of the "guide", which rivals War and Peace in size. I have to enter the total income from the Federal form and then a lot of zeroes, etc. etc. to find out that I get a full refund of the provincial taxes that I paid in (zero).
Then they calculate it all for themselves in Ottawa and tell me what mistakes I made, which change my refund from zero to zero.

"I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man!"
-- Lucky Ned Pepper

Replies to this message:
 Message 1338 by Tanypteryx, posted 04-06-2022 4:48 PM ringo has seen this message but not replied

  
ringo
Member (Idle past 499 days)
Posts: 20940
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005


Message 1342 of 1450 (893739)
04-19-2022 12:08 PM
Reply to: Message 1341 by dwise1
04-19-2022 12:02 PM


Re: Math Joke
dwise1 writes:
... the large number of math nerds who work on The Simpsons....
I learned what a googolplex was in first-year university when I accidentally bought the wrong math textbook. (For the youngsters out there, that's long before Google.)

"I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man!"
-- Lucky Ned Pepper

This message is a reply to:
 Message 1341 by dwise1, posted 04-19-2022 12:02 PM dwise1 has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 1343 by dwise1, posted 04-19-2022 12:39 PM ringo has seen this message but not replied
 Message 1347 by AnswersInGenitals, posted 04-19-2022 2:13 PM ringo has seen this message but not replied

  
ringo
Member (Idle past 499 days)
Posts: 20940
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005


Message 1366 of 1450 (893804)
04-20-2022 3:12 PM
Reply to: Message 1363 by Tanypteryx
04-20-2022 1:23 PM


Tanypteryx writes:
It still looks like a lower case N to me, or is that what makes the joke clever?
It's what separates us old guys from the ones who can see.

"I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man!"
-- Lucky Ned Pepper

This message is a reply to:
 Message 1363 by Tanypteryx, posted 04-20-2022 1:23 PM Tanypteryx has not replied

  
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