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Author Topic:   Real Belief, Or Programmed Reaction?
AndyGodLove 
Suspended Member (Idle past 5769 days)
Posts: 18
From: Wentworth
Joined: 06-11-2008


Message 1 of 5 (470543)
06-11-2008 10:41 AM


I posted this in the 'proposed topics' forum, but would appreciate some quicker replies thanks;
I go to Church every Sunday, I say all the prayers and sing the hymns with my excellent Soprano voice. I take Communion, I shake hands and wish peace upon the people in my Parish and Congregation and then enjoy a cigarette with Father Hanlon outside the Church before going home to say grace before eating a hearty Sunday Roast.
The troubling thing is, I was violently raped 3 years ago by 4 men. This ordeal lasted over 9 hours in which I was beaten, raped and forced to perform unspeakable acts at knifepoint. The men were all convicted and went to prison for 4 years each (their codenames the newspapers in my area revealed were Mickey Mullet, brett'sback, bluesville and GayOlden). I will not reveal the real names as I hope their punishment will come in the next life.
This has had a truly detrimental effect on my sex life. When me and my wife are intimate, I can't help but either fantisise about anal pentration (mine, not hers) or have an almost overwhelming desire to have violent, aggressive sex with her. My therapist says that this is not too uncommon.
I also started watching and reading things I never would. For example I read The Da Vinci Code and actually enjoyed it. I watched a Porn movie for the first time ever and found myself becoming highly aroused.
This brings me on to my dilemma, since this horrible night I can no longer truly believe in God. I can't believe that any entity or spirit so powerful would ever let this happen to anyone who worshipped him/it so highly.
So my Sundays are now simply a front to show everyone else what I feel I SHOULD be doing, but now, sadly, inside I do not really believe.
Is there any way back for me, or can events like this trigger an awakening of sorts?

Replies to this message:
 Message 2 by Father Ted, posted 06-11-2008 10:43 AM AndyGodLove has replied

  
Father Ted 
Suspended Junior Member (Idle past 5769 days)
Posts: 23
Joined: 06-11-2008


Message 2 of 5 (470545)
06-11-2008 10:43 AM
Reply to: Message 1 by AndyGodLove
06-11-2008 10:41 AM


A fatal overdose is all that can save you now, eternal damnation is surely preferable to the life you have?

This message is a reply to:
 Message 1 by AndyGodLove, posted 06-11-2008 10:41 AM AndyGodLove has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 3 by AndyGodLove, posted 06-11-2008 10:45 AM Father Ted has replied

  
AndyGodLove 
Suspended Member (Idle past 5769 days)
Posts: 18
From: Wentworth
Joined: 06-11-2008


Message 3 of 5 (470547)
06-11-2008 10:45 AM
Reply to: Message 2 by Father Ted
06-11-2008 10:43 AM


I didn't want to mention it really, but you've sparked my emotion. I tried to take my own life on no less than 47 occasions. My wife has had to deal with this.
So not only am I traumatised mentally because of the rape, I have to deal with the fact that I'm a loser too. I can't even kill myself properly.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 2 by Father Ted, posted 06-11-2008 10:43 AM Father Ted has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 4 by Father Ted, posted 06-11-2008 10:46 AM AndyGodLove has not replied
 Message 5 by dawkinsisNOTGod, posted 06-11-2008 10:48 AM AndyGodLove has not replied

  
Father Ted 
Suspended Junior Member (Idle past 5769 days)
Posts: 23
Joined: 06-11-2008


Message 4 of 5 (470548)
06-11-2008 10:46 AM
Reply to: Message 3 by AndyGodLove
06-11-2008 10:45 AM


I'll PM you a surefire way

This message is a reply to:
 Message 3 by AndyGodLove, posted 06-11-2008 10:45 AM AndyGodLove has not replied

  
dawkinsisNOTGod 
Suspended Member (Idle past 5769 days)
Posts: 33
From: Lashville, Tennessee
Joined: 06-11-2008


Message 5 of 5 (470550)
06-11-2008 10:48 AM
Reply to: Message 3 by AndyGodLove
06-11-2008 10:45 AM


Yakubu yourself in the anus

This message is a reply to:
 Message 3 by AndyGodLove, posted 06-11-2008 10:45 AM AndyGodLove has not replied

  
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