The chat room had to go, as it was costing more than it was worth...we only had 4-5 chatters on a regular basis. That being said, I couldn't help but notice your name and your offer to accept prayer requests from EvC members. If you want to interact with our community, keep in mind that few here are overly religious. Tell me a bit more about yourself, and I will try and get a topic going for you. Do you feel you have something to share with us? Do you want to learn anything? We DO have some bright people who hang out here on a regular basis, and they can teach any of us a lot about their educated view of reality. We also have a few Biblical Literalists here who enrich us with their world views.
ell me what you want and I will try and make you feel welcome.
The EvC Community
We discuss the ongoing debate between Creationism and Evolution. Some of our moderators are creationists and some are strictly science minded, but we all have seen the many facets of this type of debate/discussion. We have some basic Forum Guidelines and we encourage the following: *********************************
Our Posting Board has three basic groups of forums. Our Science Forums necessitate evidence, support, and documentation. Our Social and Religious Issues forums allow for more leeway in expression of reasoned beliefs and tradition without as much emphasis on proof. Finally, we have a Coffee House in which any basic topic unrelated to the other two groups can be discussed in more of a casual atmosphere.
If you are not promoted, feel free to discuss your reasons here in the Proposed New Topics thread. You may edit your post at any time in order to make it more presentable...at which time we will reconsider promotion. Usually, we leave topic promotion to the first administrator that responds, unless that administrator invites others to comment.
************************************ "DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU" AdminPhat
My name is Nicholas Cid; I am 23yrs old and live in the same household as my family. In my early years as far as I can remember, when I was 4-5yrs old I was diagnosed with multiple mental Disorders. I always had a problem with my emotions; a lot of it was hatred and depression. I always feared rejection, but sometimes enjoyed the comfort of loneliness. I was diagnosed by psychiatrist at Columbia Hospital Pavilion. The Disorders I was diagnosed with were: Bi-Polar, Mild Schizophrenic, Turrets Syndrome, ADHD, and Megalomania.
My childhood was good; I made it rough on myself. Usually in life you come across people who like to put other people down so that they can reach the top. I usually was the person people stepped on and my anger kept growing and growing. I never really did step up to people when I was younger. By the time I did I was in middle school. I tried to stick up for myself but kept getting beaten down. 1 day I just snapped and ended up in the pavilion again. In high school and middle school I was falling into the wrong crowd, sure my faith was still alive in Christ I got baptized at an early age and it really didn’t mean anything to me, I really didn’t know who Christ was and what he really did to me.
I was always sinning and my sins kept building and building. The anger kept building as well and it never stopped. I kept following the wrong crowd and was addicted to playing video games and listening to evil/hate music. I was obsessed with women and their bodies. I lusted after everything impure. My life was falling apart and I couldn’t see it. I was blinded by ignorance and self-righteousness. I should have tried harder in school but no matter how hard people tried telling me that what I did back then would make a huge difference in my future, I never did fully understand it until I made a mess of things.
I should have taken advantage of the time and wisdom they shared with me. I fell into the Gothic Crowd in high school and usually they get picked on by everyone including the preps. I got bullied by the majority of humanity even though there were some that tried to show me kindness I really didn’t care because once you get picked on a lot you can hardly recognize kindness and every touch that you feel from another person is nothing but pure pain. When I was young I liked to touch people and hold people I liked hugs and kisses but as I grew the more I got bullied the more I didn’t want to be touched.
During the last 2 years of high school I said that I wouldn’t make friends with anyone except the school staff. I kept to myself and I wasn’t bullied much anymore. I was alone because I kept to myself. I became quiet and just went to school to work and make sure I graduated so I could leave that prison. Public school is harsh. I use to be a member on this forum back in high school, it’s along story and I won’t tell you it.
I use to be on debating forums trying to spread the message of Christ and trying to prove evolution wrong and I wasn’t fully informed well on how to debate properly and wasn’t knowledgeable about how to prove evolution wrong and make people see God was real by giving them proof and after being questioned so much I began to question my own faith and fell away from God. During my later years after high school I tried getting some college experience. I took a career class and I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do. So I got my security license so I could get a job at gated communities and make good money. That didn’t work out so I got employed by my brothers company that he worked for which was linen & things, the place was a joke and the job was a joke.
They gave me crappy pay so I gave them poor work. It was decent, but I wanted more. After working for the company for about 6 months they were getting bought out or it was crashing down, they were over 300 million in debt. During that time this company called WFM was looking to hire 500 people for their new store location right where me and my brother worked. I got the job and so did my brother. After a few months working with the company they came out with a program to help get people fit and healthy.
Back in school I use to read books on serial killers, over the years my obsession with these folk was getting deeper and deeper. I despised people for what they did to me a lot of the times in my life and I wanted revenge. I wanted justice but no one gave it to me so I felt as though I had to do it myself. I despised myself because people made me feel that way. When a person treats a person like dirt the victim thinks they are dirt. This is how I felt, but then there was a part of me that picked me up and told me I was better and should show these people I am better. I slowly moved up the chain with my obsession of murder and serial murder I decided to purchase books on rape before I was 18.
I cant tell you how many times I felt like bringing a gun to school so I could act out my revenge towards society and what they have done to me. They didn’t care and they didn’t even try to help me. I even purchase books on Torture Techniques so I could use torture on my victims. When the WFM Company came out with the fit and healthy program I decided to get fit and train myself so I could get into a relationship. That didn’t work, it never really did, not even when I was in school girls always rejected me and made fun of me, thus I grew to despise them. I was usually rejected a lot of the time in my life. So I decided to get fit and use my criminology and psychology training to become a serial killer or rapist like Ted Bundy.
I kid you not by the time I was done training I was in great health, very strong, and very good looking. I decided to pick out a hunting ground and it was a nature trail where I could surprise my victims and do what I wanted to my victims without interruption. I didn’t succeed because God made sure no one would cross my path. I was very active, clean, and organized. After not succeeding for months I decided to try a new trade: mass murder. I was planning something big at 1st I thought about doing a shooting, but then I realized that wasn’t wise because I wouldn’t be remembered and I wouldn’t be sending a big enough message of “this is what you made me do, because you showed me no love! ONLY PAIN!”.
So I decided to go bigger and wanted to try bomb making. I bragged on websites such as armageddononline.com about my plans and the FBI decided to start tailing me, they considered me a terrorist threat, but they wanted to see how far I would go. 1 night I was drinking a beer and posting on a dailystrength.com bi-polar forum about where was the woman that is suppose to help me? Where is the woman and why is she not coming to rescue me from my hell. When I said woman I meant unconditional love.
All my past life was about trying and searching for a woman to complete me and to make me whole to bring unconditional love into my life, something my family could not do. There was a hole in my heart that I wanted to be filled. I told the people on the forum how I felt at that moment. I told them that I felt abandoned and that I felt like killing my family and driving to wal-mart to commit mass-murder ending in a death by cop. The very next night the FBI came to my door step and asked me to step outside.
They had a lot of police outside and too many to count and many were hiding in bushes. The FBI wanted to take me away and told my family what I had done and my family did not reject me and did not let them take me away. I don’t know why but my family said I meant no harm and told them they couldn’t take me away and so I was left alone and promised the FBI I would change. I did change but not for the better. Instead of having anger and depression I was left with depression. I did the unthinkable.
I tried to starve myself to death because I felt like my life wasn’t worth living and I wasn’t worth anything. The feeling I felt inside could be described as completely dead. This was the lowest point in my life. This was my darkest hour and 1 night I felt so dead I spiritually dropped to my knee’s and repented of my sins to God and cried my heart out. That night I finally was able to sleep the best I had ever had in my whole entire life. I was grateful and I was alive again. God decided to work in me for the very 1st time he made me feel love and understanding. The love I was looking for was something no one could ever give me.
I was looking for unconditional love and he gave it to me. The lord rescued me from deaths grip and the hand of Lucifer that was tightly grasped around my throat. I could finally breathe once the Lord entered me. A lot of my life I had caused people and my loved ones pain, all because others made me feel pain. But not any more because no matter what people do to me, from the day the Lord saved me I will not show them anger because it is not in me anymore. I only have love and joy inside of me. The spirit of the Lord is in me.
I have admitted my sins to God and repented of them, I have Belief in the son of the living God which is Jesus Christ the Lord and Savior of mankind. I commit my life to God and have been baptized today to show the public I am not afraid of being a Follower of Christ and the Gospel. Today is my wedding day and I have married Christ my Husband and have given my chastity and life to God and will not marry a woman due to my past life sinfulness that had to due heavily with lust, malice, and depression. I have a wedding ring to symbolize this. I am a Man of God.
I'm here to share and to learn. yes I know there are only a few overly religious people here and that is why I am here.
Edited by MrIBELIEVEinGOD, : wording
Edited by AdminPhat, : fixed paragraphs to a degree
Edited by MrIBELIEVEinGOD, : more info and corrected some grammar issues
Usually, when someone comes to EvC, they are not promoted and are asked to clarify their topic. You mention that you were here before...what was yyour name then? I am interested in your story even though many would claim that you were a crazy person! That may or may not be true, but I am giving you the benefit of the doubt. I don't think that you made this story up....it seems real, and there are many people who, like you, have experienced mental illness, rejection and hurt by society, and loneliness. On an internet forum, one can only be known so much...the internet is no substitute for actually belonging or seeking to belong to a group of people in reality...where you live...perhaps down the block or across town.
I have a few questions for you, if you don't mind.
1) Are you prescribed medications now? Do you take them as the doctors order? Even though I too am a believer in Jesus Christ, I listen to the wisdom of my doctors.
2) One important thing that I learned when coming to this forum was that my beliefs, no matter how strong, should be tested and challenged. The way that I came to see it, God will exist even if I decided not to believe in Him. I respect the beliefs (or lack of any belief) expressed by others, however, and I don't believe that these people will end up in Hell. I believe in the reality of the times that I live in. I believe in logic, critical thinking, and the scientific method. My spiritual beliefs are probably similar to yours, but I never use those to try and explain everything.
I am learning a lot about myself and my feelings...and my responsibility to myself and others. I feel that I have changed for the better in the past few years, and i believe that the best is yet to come.
Maybe instead of being on Jesus, which will be helpful in your life right up to the point where you discover that all the apocalyptic prophecies in the Book of Revelations are up to you to implement, you should go back to seeing psychologists and see about getting on some medication?
Jesus didn't "heal" you, you've simply replaced rape and murder fantasies with religious fantasies. I don't expect this to fall on anything but deaf ears; it's just, after your inevitable religious murder spree when they're going back over your writings, I want there to be a record that at least one person told you that you were crazy and you need to get help.
Sounds harsh.. I had some of my own problems,but not like those. To be honest, what is your goal here? Reading all of this... Debate may not be in your best interest,at least not now, and for Christian support I'm sure phat and others may direct you to good sites..
Maybe he is a behavioral psychology student from Florida...why should we care what anyone's purpose is...that they are talking with us is the essence of the forum.
add by edit:
Nicholas Cid writes:
my brother just got into an auto mobil accident today no even 2 hours ago and I was wondering if anyone can pray for his safety and idk what non believers do but if you can hope for is safety and fast recovery much is appreciated thank you.
I am sorry to hear about your brother and I will pray for him. Every day brings stresses of its own.
I am not telling you my other EVC name. No I do not take prescribed medication because I dont believe I have a medical disorder. I believe that all was a lie and have been off my medication for 5 years and have no intentions on going back to it because I dont need it. I dont understand the 2nd question.
Yes Jesus did heal me and due to people such as yourself that questioned my faith so much that I fell from it and actually became an atheist for a few years. during those few years my life I was filled with nothing more than pure hatred,lust, and depression so all in all without God I wouldnt have survived, because it is plain to me that Atheist offer no hope whatsoever. Atheist's dont show uncondentional love and by you calling me crazy your insulting me and why would I want to be apart of your belief culture when you haven't shown me kindness? Jesus taught me how to love people and even to love my enemies. do you love your enemies or do you only love those who love you?