Children and your beliefs

A friend and I were talking about religion in a general sense, and the topic of children came up. Both of us holding the view that religion is something that is a result of your surroundings, we began wondering what the moral implications were in teaching your child about religion. I don't think this is an easy question for anyone, but I was wondering what some opinions were on the matter.As for myself, here is what I think:
Although I'm agnostic now, I grew up in a very Christian lifestyle (until I was about 16). My experience with this was actually quite satisfying, as it provided a great social environment for me and, admittedly, probably heavily influenced my morals today. I can't help but to wonder where I'd be without that influence in my past.Now, however, I find many things that I dislike about Christianity, some of which quite simply appall me. I also think it's very wrong to influence your child to the degree that he/she bases such a huge decision as religion on you. While simply informing them of your views and the views of each religion might be all you can do, there is so much influence from the outside world that leaving it at this could seal their fate.What is the "right" way to handle such an issue? How can you let your child make the most unbiased decision about religion as possible, yet still provide them with a stable social upbringing? The answer seems far from clear-cut.Note: I'm only 19, and I don't plan on having a kid for a while. It would be quite interesting to hear how some of you with kids (I assume there are a few of you here) handled the situation.On a separate note (maybe a different topic?), how would you handle your spouse being of a different religion? That would seem to be an especially hazardous situation when considering children.Edit: Just fixed a grammatical error. Same for the last two.This message has been edited by Glordag, 07-26-2004 11:23 AMThis message has been edited by Glordag, 07-26-2004 11:23 AMThis message has been edited by Glordag, 07-26-2004 11:26 AM

Thread moved here from the Proposed New Topics forum.But I'm not entirely happy with my choice of forum.This message has been edited by AdminNosy, 07-26-2004 10:47 AM

Geez, you work fast lol.Anyways, mind if I ask why you're unhappy with the forum choice? It seems pretty reasonable to me.

You bring up several good points, and ask several hard questions. I can give some of my opinions, but that is all they are.

Now, however, I find many things that I dislike about Christianity

A friend of mine said to me recently, The problem with my church is that it is full of people. In a way this is true. So don’t base your faith on other people. Ask yourself this fundamental question. Do I believe there is a God? And let your other decisions flow from that.

I also think it's very wrong to influence your child to the degree that he/she bases such a huge decision as religion on you

This one is hard for me to answer. I believe it is essential that I try and influence my children’s decisions. Most children seek out and model the beliefs and opinions of those whom they respect. If you aren’t influencing them, you can almost bet someone else is. In the matter of religion, I suppose it depends on what your religion is. If I have firm convictions, it’s probably going to carry over to my children to some degree. Of course that is not always true, my father is an atheist.

How can you let your child make the most unbiased decision about religion as possible,

That would be pretty tough to do. For instance I take my children to church, that has an impact on them, I hope a positive one. I could go the other way and make them stay home so I don’t unfairly prejudice them, but that in its self would influence them. I pray, they see me, I read the Bible they see me, I swear and they see that too. I can’t hide my beliefs from them, nor my imperfections. They best thing I can do is to tell them why I believe what I do, and be firm in my convictions and pray for them. They deserve that.One final note and this is 100% my opinion, so take it for what it is worth. I don’t think it is a bad thing to influence your children’s religions beliefs. I think it’s a good thing.

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Jason B

Is it to do with education more than faith? Is it more a coffee discusion? It doesn't have to, and hasn't yet, touched on any beliefs.

I think this is a very, very important point.Let me steal a quote from my old school on the goal of religious beliefs.

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An ability to develop a personal position that is both informed by the rich tradition of ethical thinking but also original in that it stems from a student’s own critical inquiry.

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To get there requires some basis. That means exposing the child to a broad range of viewpoints as well as some practice in relating those viewpoints to many of the moral and ethical dilemmas that we all face.I would want the child to get a good basic education in the Bible, but also the Koran, the Talmud, the ancient Greeks, and the great classical tradition of Western ethical theory, including, Plato, Aristotle, Hobbes, Hume, Kant, Nietzsche, among others. It should also include Confucius, Mencius, Buddha and Chuang Tsu to show the development of the Eastern Ethical thinkers.The goal is not to build an automaton, but someone who has a faith based on as broad a base as possible, one that has been tested and that will withstand challenge.

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Aslan is not a Tame Lion

Hi Glordag. The mind of a baby is like an unplated plot of ground freshly plowed. You can either leave it to grow weeds, thorns, thistles tangled vines etc, or you can harrow it, plant it, and cultivate it. You may plant useless thistles and weeds and even poison ivy in it, cultivat them in nice rows and when harvested, take their seeds and spread them around. Or you can cultivate it with lucious vegies, beautiful fragrant flowers, and fruit trees to bless your family and others. Then too, you may take a sack of mixed seeds, none of which you know as to variety and plant them, hoping something good will come up.Most of us, when planting a garden or landscape, get all the knowledge we can about what we are going to plant and put in our plot what we believe to be the most beneficial and good for the land, for us and for the community.I've said the above to say this: It is the responsibility of the parents to put within the minds of our children what each of us believes is best, for the child, us and the community. Then if the pressures of the outside world influence, we will have at least done our best to establish what is right in the child so as to make wise decisions in his/her life. I have a good relationship with both my wife and my two boys because, imo, Biblical principles work to the best in society, government and cultures. My boys, both have been educated in public schools and have been out in the world agree and hope to bring up their children with Biblical principles. Had I and my wife not have indoctrinated them into this, likely they would have chosen a much different path. Their lives in terms of the material, marriage relationship, and contentment, could not have been better than they are, thanks to God's blessings and our hard work of indoctrination from babies all the way up.We also indoctrinated them into healthful living as to healthful food, natural healing practices using many home remedies, safety and so forth which imo, has countered the ignorance of society in general in this regard.No, as the Bible states, "Bring up a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it." This is not to say outside pressure will not prevail, but it surely will, if we as parents don't do our job right as best we know how. It takes a lot of dedicated work and too many parents don't want to make that sacrifice. My wife has a masters degree in education and taught until our first born came. After that she quit teaching and though we have lived on a very modest income, we have made it all the way without her having to work out of the home. Thanks to Biblical principles which we indoctrinated in to them, my boys are not only a blessing to us, but to their neighbors, churches and communities who respect them highly and with whom they get along very well.

Thanks for the replies.I completely agree with you on the point that Christianity has some firm ethical teachings in it buzsaw, but the problem comes from some other things people take from the Bible (at least in my opinion). Like I said, I don't know where I'd be without the Christian influence of my past.With that said, I'd rather not teach morals to my kid/s from a biblical perspective. I think I'd stress reason, logic, and common sense over anything, and try to combine it all with a good set of moral teachings of my own. I would try to do all of this side-by-side with jar's approach, and hopefully they would be able to make informed, reasonable decisions on their own. You have all made good points.Also, back to buzsaw, I'm glad to hear things have turned out so well for you. It's funny how some people take the Bible and make it the source of all the anger in their life, while others take it and make it the source of all their happiness. It always brings a bit of happiness to myself to see and interact with those of the latter case.In regards to my comment about influencing children, I didn't mean to say that they shouldn't be influenced by their parents at all. Indeed, I think parents should by influencing their children every day, as there is far too much outside of the household that can corrupt even the most innocent, kind-hearted child. What I meant was that too much influence towards something like religion seems a bit wrong.This message has been edited by Glordag, 07-26-2004 02:26 PM

Teach your children to be what you know about Christ and how you came about your values. Teach them your values and teach them to make up their own mind someday when they are able to make very important decisions. Make it something to look forward to, like graduation, or something else very meaningful.
Good luck to you, you sound earnest and that is rare.

The best advice I had was off my Dad when I turned 16: Do what you want UNLESS it involves bring the police or some girl's father to the door.

Thanks, I appreciate it. When it comes to children, shouldn't everyone be as earnest?Charles Knight: lol, if only it were so simple. I guess in some ways it is, but there's a lot to read into that "what you want."

I've got two kids, and they're still a bit young to be making decisions about religion. I haven't taken them to church and I'm sarcastic about "God" questions. I hope they learn by my example and understand that someone can have moral character without being religious. I explain matters concerning good-and-bad in terms of their effects on people, not in terms of what "God" thinks or what Semitic nomads thought.regards,
Esteban "Mad Daddy" hambre

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That would be pretty tough to do. For instance I take my children to church, that has an impact on them, I hope a positive one. I could go the other way and make them stay home so I don’t unfairly prejudice them, but that in its self would influence them. I pray, they see me, I read the Bible they see me, I swear and they see that too. I can’t hide my beliefs from them, nor my imperfections. They best thing I can do is to tell them why I believe what I do, and be firm in my convictions and pray for them. They deserve that.

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Have you ever seriously considered introducing them to any other religion or philosophy, such as Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, Agnosticism, or Islam?If not, why?

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Their lives in terms of the material, marriage relationship, and contentment, could not have been better than they are, thanks to God's blessings and our hard work of indoctrination from babies all the way up.

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Actually, you don't really know this to be true, becasue you have no other "control group" of sons that you did anything differently with.Sure, they are probably happy enough, but you have no idea if they could have had a much better life if you had raised them, say, to value critical thinking skills and science a great deal.Maybe one of them would have been the next Bill Gates or Steve Jobs if you had.

Some of the richest and successful businessmen have been the most miserable and evil. What counts is the Biblical golden rule as to how they relate to others and God, for fulfillment in this life and more importantly, the life to come.