Shamlessly stolen from another board.

YA, SHURE, YA BETCHA! DIS IS DA
LATEST AIR SERVICE TO SPROUT UP
IN MINNYSOTA. ALSO SERVING
VISCONSIN, NORT AND SOUT DAKOTA
AND MONTANA.If you are travelin soon,
consider Lutran (Lutheran) Air,
da no-frills airline You're all
in da same boat on Lutran Air,
where flyin is an upliftin
experience. Dere is no first
class on any Lutran Air flight.Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6,
bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad;
16-21, a main dish, and 22-30,
a dessert. Basses and tenors
please sit in da rear of
d'aircraft.Everyone is responsible for his
or her own baggage. All fares are
by freewill offering and da plane
will not land 'til da budget is met.
Pay attention to your flight
attendant, who will acquaint you
with da safety system aboard dis
Lutran Air 599.Okay den, listen up. I'm only
gonna say dis once. In de event
of a sudden loss of cabin
pressure, I am frankly going to
be real surprised and so will
Captain Olson, because we fly
right around two tousand feet, so
loss of cabin pressure would
probably indicate da Second
Coming or someting of dat nature,
and I wouldn't bodar with doze
little masks on da rubber tubes.
You're gonna have bigger tings to
worry about dan dat. Just stuff
doze back up in dair little
holes. Probably da masks fell out
because of turbulence which, to
be honest wit you, we're going to
have quite a bit of at two
tousand feet .. sort a like
driving across a plowed field,
but after a while you get used to
it.In de event of a water landing,
I'd say forget it. Start saying
da Lord's Prayer and just hope
you get to da part about forgive
us our sins as we forgive doze
who sin against us, which some
people say "trespass against us,"
which isn't right, but what can
you do?De use of cell phones on da plane
is strictly forbidden, not
because day may interfere with
da plane's navigational system,
which is seat of da pants all da
way. No, it's because cell phones
are a pain in da wazoo, and if
God meant you to use a cell
phone, He would have put your
mout on da side of your head.We're going to start lunch right
about noon and it's buffet style
with da coffee pot up front. Den
we'll have da hymn sing; hymnals
are in da seat pocket in front of
you. Don't take yours wit you
when you go or I am going to be
real upset and I am not kiddin!Right now I'll say Grace. "Come,
Lord Jesus, be our guest and let
deze gifts to us be blessed.
Fadar, Son, and Holy Ghost, may
we land in Dulut or pretty closeAmen!