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Author Topic:   Poll: Cat Person or Dog Person? - A lite topic
AZPaul3
Member
Posts: 4635
From: Phoenix
Joined: 11-06-2006
Member Rating: 4.5


(1)
Message 175 of 277 (622118)
06-30-2011 6:35 PM


How to give a cat a pill:

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.
2. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
3. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
4. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
5. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
6. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
7. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.
8. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
9. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
10. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
11. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
12. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
13. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
14. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
15. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash pill down.
16. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.
17. Arrange for vet to make a house call.

How To Give A Dog A Pill:

1. Wrap it in bacon.

credit


  
AZPaul3
Member
Posts: 4635
From: Phoenix
Joined: 11-06-2006
Member Rating: 4.5


(1)
Message 195 of 277 (635915)
10-03-2011 12:11 AM
Reply to: Message 194 by fearandloathing
10-01-2011 9:52 AM


Re: Find the Cat
Thank you. With a couple glasses of wine I'm easily entertained. I spent quite a few minutes staring. Finally found the pussy. Now I can retire happy (er). One more glass to celebrate. Now off to dream land. Or I could just babble on here for a while. But I do have dreams to be dreamt. I also need to go in early in the morning. Got a small problem yet to be resolved. Or I guess I could look at the picture for a bit more to see if maybe the pussy as moved any. It is looking a bit fuzzy around the edges.

Red, red wine,
Stay close to me.
Don't let me be alone.
It's tearing apart,
My blue, blue heart.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 194 by fearandloathing, posted 10-01-2011 9:52 AM fearandloathing has acknowledged this reply

Replies to this message:
 Message 196 by Coyote, posted 10-03-2011 12:34 AM AZPaul3 has responded

  
AZPaul3
Member
Posts: 4635
From: Phoenix
Joined: 11-06-2006
Member Rating: 4.5


Message 198 of 277 (635958)
10-03-2011 9:38 AM
Reply to: Message 196 by Coyote
10-03-2011 12:34 AM


Re: Find the Cat
Seems F&L, you and Saab found your pussy quickly while I toyed with mine for a good few minutes. I'm thinking I had more fun then y'all.

But then again that depends on which wine.

I'll be what I am
A solitary man
Solitary man


This message is a reply to:
 Message 196 by Coyote, posted 10-03-2011 12:34 AM Coyote has not yet responded

  
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