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Author Topic:   Humor III
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Message 45 of 301 (389876)
03-16-2007 11:20 AM

How a Creationist Turns off Their Toaster
How A Creationist Turns off Their Toaster .
It is most plain, yet much not thought of. If I turn my toaster on, I should turn my toaster off. Most of the time there is no way not to turn it off, as it pops up when done. But if it does not, then we must take big steps to fix it. Let us now talk of the three most easy ways to save the toast and your hut from fire: to move the lever up, to stick a fork in, and to pull the cord. We will then pick one way as the best.
The lever looks the most easy way at first, and it will work for small toasters. You need only move the lever up with force and pop up the toast. There are two bad things with this way. First, it will work for small toasters, but not for very large toasters. Think of a 30-load toaster. At half past seven you see that your toast starts to burn. With great haste you start to move lever after lever up, but it is no good, for at quarter to eight the other toast starts on fire. This is a side effect of the long time it takes to move up each lever, and the toast at the end will catch fire prior to you being able to save it or your hut. Second, this way only will work for a toaster with levers that work. If the levers are not fixed or do not work, then there is not a thing you can do since you will never in this way be able to take out all the toast, and so it will burn and your hut will too. This way, then, seems to not be the best fix to the issue. So, might there be a way to make the toast come up even when the levers do not work?
Yes! With a fork you are no longer in need of the toaster to work right. The fork can be put into the unit and then used to pry up the thing that holds the toast down. As I said, this will work better than the other way since you can take out the toast and shut it off even if the toaster is broken. Yet you will still have to work with the fact that on toasters that have lots of toast in them you will not be able to get to all the pieces in time and the toast might burn and your hut might burn with it. This is the only bad thing and is even worse than the other way, for in this way there is more time that you will need to pry each slice of toast from the unit And what was quarter to eight has now turned into twelve o' clock noon. The only way we can fix this bad thing that keeps giving trouble is to think of a way to turn off each load zone for sure and in the least time. But how?
Most toasters of today come with a safety release cord. This cord will cut juice off from the unit when pulled. Not like the cords on things like a PC, for when you pull the cord on your unit, your toast does not burn; but if done on a PC, your English paper for sure will. Since this cord serves the entire unit at once, all 30 slices can be lifted at 7:31. Since this cord does not work on parts that move, there is no risk of failure due to the slices that will not lift. This way has been so widely used and is so easy that since toasters first came out they were required to have such release cords. This cord can be hard to find since there are no laws that force toaster makers to mark where it is, but for most normal units the cord can be found stretched from the unit up to your wall. Give it a tug when your toast will not come up and all will be swell.
Lever? Fork? Cord? Which is the best? We talked about the two bad things which were parts that failed and long times needed for getting it out. We then saw that the first two, which were most clear to see as ways to get out the toast, both could come to fail from these things. Does this mean the cord is the best way to go? No. The cord has one bad thing about it that was not told: it takes more work to put it back in place than to take it out. Now the law of entropy says that the ability to do work will go down as time goes up. This means that we do not have more work after the cord is out than we had prior, so there is no way to replace it. No way works? Wrong. One way does work. This way is called: descending downstairs to your circuit breaker and throwing the switch there to terminate the flow of electricity throughout your domicile Simple, plain, easy, quick, smooth. And short.

In considering the Origin of Species, it is quite conceivable that a naturalist... might come to the conclusion that each species had not been independently created, but had descended, like varieties, from other species. - Charles Darwin On the Origin of Species

Inactive Member

Message 62 of 301 (393699)
04-06-2007 1:23 PM
Reply to: Message 16 by Zawi
02-14-2007 7:32 PM

Oh my God... did this really happen!? Have you told the authorities about it, yet?
And what the hell was this guy's problem? Surely he wasn't going to expect you to be impressed with the big fella squashing beef between his pits! I mean, was he from some third-world nation where that's like up to code?
I think this post only demonstrates that we've waited for a vomit emoticon far too long

This message is a reply to:
 Message 16 by Zawi, posted 02-14-2007 7:32 PM Zawi has not replied

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