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Author Topic:   Humor III
Taz
Member (Idle past 1464 days)
Posts: 5069
From: Zerus
Joined: 07-18-2006


Message 7 of 301 (385049)
02-14-2007 12:15 AM
Reply to: Message 5 by Dan Carroll
02-13-2007 11:04 PM


Re: an oldie but a goodie
Q: what does the buddhist say to a hot dog vendor?

A: Make me one with everything.

OMG, I've been laughing at this for the last 5 minutes. I remember this from high school.
----------

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi hold up a sign on the side of a highway that says "The end is Near!!! Turn back now before it's too late!!"

A car speeds by and the driver yells out something. The 3 holy men could only hear "Go home you crazy..." A short time after the car passes, the 3 holy men could hear a loud tire screeching sound and a big crashing sound.

The rabbi turns to the other two and says, "Perhaps we should be a little more specific and tell people the bridge is out."


This message is a reply to:
 Message 5 by Dan Carroll, posted 02-13-2007 11:04 PM Dan Carroll has not yet responded

Taz
Member (Idle past 1464 days)
Posts: 5069
From: Zerus
Joined: 07-18-2006


Message 27 of 301 (386263)
02-20-2007 3:56 PM
Reply to: Message 24 by berberry
02-17-2007 8:27 AM


Re: Iron Maiden and the Door To Door Atheists In Salt Lake City,
berberry writes:

that atheists really need to get themselves organized for serious political action.


First of all, practically all atheist organizations that I have ever heard of have never made it anywhere due to lack of support. But more importantly, it's generally a political suicide to ever proclaim yourself a god nonbeliever.

If there's one thing that is bleedingly apparent in our society is that the christians have fortified themselves too long and deep to be challenged.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 24 by berberry, posted 02-17-2007 8:27 AM berberry has not yet responded

Taz
Member (Idle past 1464 days)
Posts: 5069
From: Zerus
Joined: 07-18-2006


Message 29 of 301 (387054)
02-25-2007 6:20 PM


{Edited - Double post... first time for everything}

Edited by Tazmanian Devil, : No reason given.


Taz
Member (Idle past 1464 days)
Posts: 5069
From: Zerus
Joined: 07-18-2006


Message 30 of 301 (387060)
02-25-2007 6:48 PM


When homophobic churches collide!
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,254040,00.html

quote:
OKLAHOMA CITY — The lawyer for a former Baptist church leader who had spoken out against homosexuality said Thursday the minister has a constitutional right to solicit sex from an undercover policeman.

The Rev. Lonnie W. Latham had supported a resolution calling on gays and lesbians to reject their "sinful, destructive lifestyle" before his Jan. 3, 2006, arrest outside the Habana Inn in Oklahoma City.

Authorities say he asked the undercover policeman to come up to his hotel for oral sex.


Now, here's what's interesting and funny enough to make me laugh for a long time before posting it here.

Fred Phelps issued a press release saying he was going to protest outside the South Tulsa Baptist Church.

Godhatesfags link to what fred has to say about it.


Taz
Member (Idle past 1464 days)
Posts: 5069
From: Zerus
Joined: 07-18-2006


Message 72 of 301 (399111)
05-03-2007 11:03 PM


On NPR today they were talking about Iraq again. Anyway, they said that the initial name for the operation was Operation Iraqi Liberation (O.I.L). Notice anything there? Luckily, somebody down the chain of command noticed the acronym.

Anyway, here's a cartoon to go with it.


Disclaimer:

Occasionally, owing to the deficiency of the English language, I have used he/him/his meaning he or she/him or her/his or her in order to avoid awkwardness of style.

He, him, and his are not intended as exclusively masculine pronouns. They may refer to either sex or to both sexes!


Taz
Member (Idle past 1464 days)
Posts: 5069
From: Zerus
Joined: 07-18-2006


Message 132 of 301 (407649)
06-27-2007 1:14 PM
Reply to: Message 130 by riVeRraT
06-26-2007 12:03 AM


Your wife has 2 older twin sisters name Patty and Selma?


Disclaimer:

Occasionally, owing to the deficiency of the English language, I have used he/him/his meaning he or she/him or her/his or her in order to avoid awkwardness of style.

He, him, and his are not intended as exclusively masculine pronouns. They may refer to either sex or to both sexes!


This message is a reply to:
 Message 130 by riVeRraT, posted 06-26-2007 12:03 AM riVeRraT has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 133 by riVeRraT, posted 06-28-2007 8:08 AM Taz has responded

Taz
Member (Idle past 1464 days)
Posts: 5069
From: Zerus
Joined: 07-18-2006


Message 134 of 301 (407801)
06-28-2007 2:24 PM
Reply to: Message 133 by riVeRraT
06-28-2007 8:08 AM


You're getting very cryptic.


Disclaimer:

Occasionally, owing to the deficiency of the English language, I have used he/him/his meaning he or she/him or her/his or her in order to avoid awkwardness of style.

He, him, and his are not intended as exclusively masculine pronouns. They may refer to either sex or to both sexes!


This message is a reply to:
 Message 133 by riVeRraT, posted 06-28-2007 8:08 AM riVeRraT has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 135 by riVeRraT, posted 06-28-2007 8:27 PM Taz has responded

Taz
Member (Idle past 1464 days)
Posts: 5069
From: Zerus
Joined: 07-18-2006


Message 136 of 301 (407872)
06-28-2007 11:01 PM
Reply to: Message 135 by riVeRraT
06-28-2007 8:27 PM


riverrat writes:

Ever hear the song, I'm my own grandpa?


Yeah, and the last guy that sang it almost had a chair fly at his head. Only by the grace of god (aka my wife) did I refrain from using my metal folding chair as a projectile.


Disclaimer:

Occasionally, owing to the deficiency of the English language, I have used he/him/his meaning he or she/him or her/his or her in order to avoid awkwardness of style.

He, him, and his are not intended as exclusively masculine pronouns. They may refer to either sex or to both sexes!


This message is a reply to:
 Message 135 by riVeRraT, posted 06-28-2007 8:27 PM riVeRraT has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 137 by riVeRraT, posted 06-29-2007 9:27 AM Taz has not yet responded

Taz
Member (Idle past 1464 days)
Posts: 5069
From: Zerus
Joined: 07-18-2006


Message 144 of 301 (409511)
07-09-2007 10:57 PM
Reply to: Message 140 by berberry
06-29-2007 11:50 PM


Re: ...and The Family Guy does EvC

This message is a reply to:
 Message 140 by berberry, posted 06-29-2007 11:50 PM berberry has not yet responded

Taz
Member (Idle past 1464 days)
Posts: 5069
From: Zerus
Joined: 07-18-2006


Message 153 of 301 (414116)
08-02-2007 7:59 PM


A farmer had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's lawyer was questioning Clyde.

"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident 'I'm fine'?", asked the lawyer?

The farmer responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

The farmer said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in the farmer's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie."

The farmer thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident, a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said 'How are you feeling?' Now, what the hell would you have said?"


Disclaimer:

Occasionally, owing to the deficiency of the English language, I have used he/him/his meaning he or she/him or her/his or her in order to avoid awkwardness of style.

He, him, and his are not intended as exclusively masculine pronouns. They may refer to either sex or to both sexes!


Taz
Member (Idle past 1464 days)
Posts: 5069
From: Zerus
Joined: 07-18-2006


Message 179 of 301 (420328)
09-07-2007 1:07 PM
Reply to: Message 172 by jar
08-27-2007 11:29 AM


Re: Jesus and Mo....
He meant Muhammad Ali.


Disclaimer:

Occasionally, owing to the deficiency of the English language, I have used he/him/his meaning he or she/him or her/his or her in order to avoid awkwardness of style.

He, him, and his are not intended as exclusively masculine pronouns. They may refer to either sex or to both sexes!


This message is a reply to:
 Message 172 by jar, posted 08-27-2007 11:29 AM jar has not yet responded

Taz
Member (Idle past 1464 days)
Posts: 5069
From: Zerus
Joined: 07-18-2006


Message 180 of 301 (420330)
09-07-2007 1:11 PM
Reply to: Message 177 by Modulous
09-07-2007 11:54 AM


Re: Keith Olberman on the Miss Teen USA pageant
Hahaha. This reminds me of an NPR news story I heard a couple years ago. At the time, educators in Indonesia were worried when their national standardize test showed that over 40-some percent of their high school students couldn't locate their own country on the map.

Added by edit. I heard it while driving for many hours on the road. And this was a couple years ago. So, my memory of this might not be as accurate as I'd like it to be. This information may not be correct!

Edited by Tazmanius Devilus, : No reason given.


Disclaimer:

Occasionally, owing to the deficiency of the English language, I have used he/him/his meaning he or she/him or her/his or her in order to avoid awkwardness of style.

He, him, and his are not intended as exclusively masculine pronouns. They may refer to either sex or to both sexes!


This message is a reply to:
 Message 177 by Modulous, posted 09-07-2007 11:54 AM Modulous has not yet responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 181 by Zawi, posted 09-07-2007 1:24 PM Taz has not yet responded

Taz
Member (Idle past 1464 days)
Posts: 5069
From: Zerus
Joined: 07-18-2006


Message 189 of 301 (422083)
09-15-2007 6:26 PM
Reply to: Message 188 by iceage
09-15-2007 6:13 PM


Re: Latest Chick Tract
Here is an in-the-closet case that we so often see in the christian community.


Disclaimer:

Occasionally, owing to the deficiency of the English language, I have used he/him/his meaning he or she/him or her/his or her in order to avoid awkwardness of style.

He, him, and his are not intended as exclusively masculine pronouns. They may refer to either sex or to both sexes!


This message is a reply to:
 Message 188 by iceage, posted 09-15-2007 6:13 PM iceage has not yet responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 190 by RAZD, posted 09-15-2007 6:31 PM Taz has not yet responded
 Message 195 by Zawi, posted 09-16-2007 7:18 AM Taz has not yet responded

Taz
Member (Idle past 1464 days)
Posts: 5069
From: Zerus
Joined: 07-18-2006


Message 196 of 301 (422859)
09-18-2007 2:28 PM


The rising cost of gasoline is opening up new markets for many companies. For instance, HONDA after a long process of research will put in the market a motorcycle which runs entirely on NATURAL GAS. I've never ridden a motorcycle in my life, so I guess I wouldn't get one of these. For those of you who are interested in motorcycle, click here to see the prototype of this revolutionary invention.


Disclaimer:

Occasionally, owing to the deficiency of the English language, I have used he/him/his meaning he or she/him or her/his or her in order to avoid awkwardness of style.

He, him, and his are not intended as exclusively masculine pronouns. They may refer to either sex or to both sexes!


Taz
Member (Idle past 1464 days)
Posts: 5069
From: Zerus
Joined: 07-18-2006


Message 199 of 301 (423177)
09-20-2007 1:11 AM
Reply to: Message 197 by arachnophilia
09-20-2007 12:41 AM


Re: behe's university
After staring at that picture for 2 minutes, I still couldn't make out what's so funny about it. Mind explaining a bit?


Disclaimer:

Occasionally, owing to the deficiency of the English language, I have used he/him/his meaning he or she/him or her/his or her in order to avoid awkwardness of style.

He, him, and his are not intended as exclusively masculine pronouns. They may refer to either sex or to both sexes!


This message is a reply to:
 Message 197 by arachnophilia, posted 09-20-2007 12:41 AM arachnophilia has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 200 by kuresu, posted 09-20-2007 1:15 AM Taz has not yet responded
 Message 201 by arachnophilia, posted 09-20-2007 1:17 AM Taz has responded

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