Yeah, we don't make our good stuff available to rogue states. Pay the 200 years of back-tax owed, and we'll send you a working link.
This already happened around the turn of the millennium. This has probably been posted before, but in case anyone missed it:
Dear Citizens of America,
In view of your failure to elect a competent President and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.
Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
You should look up â€œrevocationâ€ in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up â€œaluminium,â€ and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
The letter â€˜Uâ€™ will be reinstated in words such as â€˜colourâ€™, â€˜favourâ€™ and â€˜neighbour.â€™ Likewise, you will learn to spell â€˜doughnutâ€™ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix â€œizeâ€ will be replaced by the suffix â€œise.â€
You will learn that the suffix â€˜burghâ€™ is pronounced â€˜burraâ€™; you may elect to spell Pittsburgh as â€˜Pittsbergâ€™ if you find you simply canâ€™t cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up â€œvocabularyâ€). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as â€œlikeâ€ and â€œyou knowâ€ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
There is no such thing as â€œUS English.â€ We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter â€˜uâ€™ and the elimination of â€œ-ize.â€
You will relearn your original national anthem, â€œGod Save The Queenâ€, but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).
July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called â€œCome-Uppance Day.â€
You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that youâ€™re not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If youâ€™re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then youâ€™re not grown up enough to handle a gun.
Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tablesâ€¦ Both roundabouts and metrification will help you understand the British sense of humour.
The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling â€œgasolineâ€) - roughly $8/US per gallon. Get used to it.
You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call french fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called â€œcrisps.â€ Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with malt vinegar.
Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as â€œbeer,â€ and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as â€œLager.â€ American brands will be referred to as â€œNear-Frozen Gnatâ€™s Urine,â€ so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors as English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in â€œFour Weddings and a Funeralâ€ was an experience akin to having oneâ€™s ear removed with a cheese grater.
You will cease playing American â€œfootball.â€ There is only one kind of proper football; you call it â€œsoccerâ€. Those of you brave enough, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American â€œfootballâ€, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of Jessies - English slang for â€œBig Girls Blouseâ€).
Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the â€œWorld Seriesâ€ for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable and forgiven.
You must tell us who killed JFK. Itâ€™s been driving us mad.
An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majestyâ€™s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due, backdated to 1776. Until these are paid, there will be no representative government in the USA, in line with the policy: "No representation without taxation".
Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups and saucers (never mugs), and with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.
Some tea has gone missing, and we expect it back. We'll be searching Boston first.
Whether you're a fan of baseball or not, you'll love this. There's two videos. The top one is short and all you really need to watch, but the bottom one contains the full 8-minute at-bat and is well worth watching, too:
I read on a blog that by major-league baseball rules the umpires got it wrong. The pitcher has to pick an arm and stick with it through the entire at-bat. The batter can switch sides between pitches, but not after the pitcher is ready to pitch.
Really? If that's the case, that certainly changes things. I guess one would either have to live in a bubble their whole lives or be mentally ill to think that water + sunlight = government conspiracy.
She's not *that* batty. She thinks that pollution vapors are seeping out of the ground and causing the rainbow effect when combined with water droplets from a sprinkler. She has in mind the color effects one sees when a bit of gasoline gets into a puddle of water at a gas station.
According to Wikipedia, Hal Turner is an antisemitic, holocaust denying white supremacist. He also seems to have a vivid imagination. I find him far more scary than funny (one quote: "Instead of fighting Muslims, we Christians should be rounding up Jews and killing them here in America."), perhaps seasonally appropriate with Halloween approaching.
Well, I guess I'm not really clever. Google has scanned the site a couple times since I posted that, and not only is it not indexing it, it isn't indexing this page, either. It's indexed all the other pages of this thread, but not this one, so my guess is that Google not only detects and rejects webpages of faux Google results, but also pages linking to them. A pity.
I only see jerky video. The video is faster if you view them one at a time (click on the archives link at the bottom of the page), but it still just looks like jerky video. Do your eyes actually perceive it as 3D?