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Author Topic:   Humor IV
Rrhain
Member (Idle past 161 days)
Posts: 6349
From: San Diego, CA, USA
Joined: 05-03-2003


Message 21 of 540 (467877)
05-25-2008 7:20 AM


Just to throw water:

Baseball is played in Canada. Now, I know that the Brits don't quite own as much of the world as they used to, but Canada is still part of the Commonwealth and is not just "North North Dakota" or "Southern Alaska."

And a five-minute mile is Olympic marathon pace. That's a bit much to ask of anyone.

And while Tom Lehrer is god, Stanislaw Lem is at least an avatar. From Cyberiad (originally written in Polish...his translator, Michael Kandel, is owed a tremendous debt to capture the intent so perfectly, which only goes to show that yes, anything can be translated), a poem on love and tensor algebra:

Come, let us hasten to a higher plane,
Where dyads tread the fairy fields of Venn,
Their indices bedecked from one to n,
Commingled in an endless Markov chain!

Come, every frustum longs to be a cone,
And every vector dreams of matrices.
Hark to the gentle gradient of the breeze:
It whispers of a more ergodic zone.

In Riemann, Hilbert, or in Banach space
Let superscripts and subscripts go their ways.
Our asymptotes no longer out of phase,
We shall encounter, counting, face to face.

I'll grant thee random access to my heart,
Thou'lt tell me all the constants of thy love;
And so we two shall all love's lemmas prove,
And in our bound partition never part.

For what did Cauchy know, or Christoffel,
Or Fourier, or any Boole or Euler,
Wielding their compasses, their pens and rulers,
Of thy supernal sinusoidal spell?

Cancel me not -- for what then shall remain?
Abscissas, some mantissas, modules, modes,
A root or two, a torus and a node:
The inverse of my verse, a null domain.

Ellipse of bliss, converge, O lips divine!
The product of our scalars is defined!
Cyberiad draws nigh, and the skew mind
Cuts capers like a happy haversine.

I see the eigenvalue in thine eye,
I hear the tender tensor in thy sigh.
Bernoulli would have been content to die,
Had he but known such a2cos2f!

And then there was the following equation that used to be on my business cards:

(∫1sqrt(3)z dz) cos(3p/9) = ln(sqrt(e))

Or in words:

The integral of z dz
From 1 to the square root of 3
Times the cosine
Of 3 pi over 9
Equals natural log square root of e


Rrhain

Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

  
Rrhain
Member (Idle past 161 days)
Posts: 6349
From: San Diego, CA, USA
Joined: 05-03-2003


Message 22 of 540 (467948)
05-25-2008 9:48 PM


Some finds
I'm a Marvel...and I'm a DC:

The Potter Puppet Pals:


Rrhain

Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

  
Rrhain
Member (Idle past 161 days)
Posts: 6349
From: San Diego, CA, USA
Joined: 05-03-2003


Message 86 of 540 (481844)
09-13-2008 1:58 AM
Reply to: Message 78 by Hyroglyphx
09-01-2008 3:28 PM


Nemesis Juggernaut writes:

quote:
Would it be less ironic and less humorous if Gov. Palin advocated condom dispenseries and her daughter still got pregnant?

Less ironic? Yes. Don't you know what "irony" means? It is not, in its seemingly current usage, "self-awareness mixed with snark."

When those who were taught comprehensive sex education have sex, they take precautions and have fewer unplanned pregnancies. When those who were taught abstinence only have sex, they don't and wind up getting pregnant.

"Irony" is when you are trying to avoid something and yet the very things you do to avoid the result are what cause it to happen in the first place. Thus, a child who gets pregnant after being taught abstinence only is inherently ironic: The very thing they were taught in an attempt to avoid pregnancy is what caused the pregnancy. And let's not play dumb and respond about how sex is what caused the pregnancy. The specific refusal to teach people how to have sex and reduce the risk of pregnancy actually results in more pregnancy. That's irony.

quote:
Or, you know, maybe an unwed pregnant 17 year old isn't humorous at all for all the reasons listed in the article.

Strange...if Obama had a teenaged daughter who was pregnant, I get the feeling that the very people who are claiming that Bristol's pregnancy is a triumph of god's will would be talking about the failure of "liberal" values. But because Bristol is white, exceptions get to be made.

And yes, that's funny. It's dark humor, "have to laugh otherwise you'll cry" humor, but humor nonetheless.

You'll notice, for example, that nobody is poking fun at Bristol. It's Sarah that's the target.


Rrhain

Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 78 by Hyroglyphx, posted 09-01-2008 3:28 PM Hyroglyphx has not yet responded

  
Rrhain
Member (Idle past 161 days)
Posts: 6349
From: San Diego, CA, USA
Joined: 05-03-2003


Message 87 of 540 (481845)
09-13-2008 2:17 AM
Reply to: Message 81 by Hyroglyphx
09-01-2008 4:49 PM


Nemesis Juggernaut writes:

quote:
How so, if the point is not to get pregnant?

Because if you don't tell people how not to get pregnant thinking that by not telling them then they won't, it is only obvious that when they do finally have sex, they're not going to take any precautions and will become pregnant.

That's known as "irony": When the very actions you take in an attempt to not have something happen are the very things that cause it to come to pass.

Refuse to teach people how to avoid pregnancy, and they'll become pregnant.

quote:
if she got pregnant it stands to reason that the hilarity would continue.... Well, if that we're actually funny to begin with.

Ahem. Nobody is laughing at Bristol.

They're laughing at Sarah. You do understand the difference, yes?


Rrhain

Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 81 by Hyroglyphx, posted 09-01-2008 4:49 PM Hyroglyphx has not yet responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 88 by Adminnemooseus, posted 09-13-2008 4:15 AM Rrhain has not yet responded

  
Rrhain
Member (Idle past 161 days)
Posts: 6349
From: San Diego, CA, USA
Joined: 05-03-2003


Message 113 of 540 (487548)
11-01-2008 8:36 PM
Reply to: Message 112 by Shield
11-01-2008 6:28 PM


And note, during the 90s, those horrible, evil 90s under the Clinton administration, things were getting better.

Then Bush got into office and we went back to Reagan policies and things went to hell again.

The economy has always done better under a Democratic administration than a Republican one.


Rrhain

Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 112 by Shield, posted 11-01-2008 6:28 PM Shield has acknowledged this reply

  
Rrhain
Member (Idle past 161 days)
Posts: 6349
From: San Diego, CA, USA
Joined: 05-03-2003


Message 129 of 540 (491360)
12-14-2008 8:43 PM
Reply to: Message 128 by Huntard
12-14-2008 5:16 PM


Re: Shoes thrown at Bush
Just to point out, throwing a shoe in Arabic culture is extremely insulting.


Rrhain

Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 128 by Huntard, posted 12-14-2008 5:16 PM Huntard has not yet responded

  
Rrhain
Member (Idle past 161 days)
Posts: 6349
From: San Diego, CA, USA
Joined: 05-03-2003


Message 180 of 540 (504325)
03-27-2009 4:52 AM
Reply to: Message 172 by subbie
03-21-2009 8:41 PM


subbie writes:

quote:
Go to the Google page, type in "french military victories" then hit the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button.

Hilarious!


Yeah, this is an old internet hoax. Notice the results page isn't an actual Google page and the URL is:

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/victories.html

And at the bottom, it says:

Parody transcripted ©2003 Albino Blacksheep
This Parody is not sponsored or endorsed by Google
Click here to tell a friend about this page!

Yes, it's a joke.


Rrhain

Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 172 by subbie, posted 03-21-2009 8:41 PM subbie has not yet responded

  
Rrhain
Member (Idle past 161 days)
Posts: 6349
From: San Diego, CA, USA
Joined: 05-03-2003


Message 356 of 540 (536556)
11-23-2009 11:06 PM
Reply to: Message 354 by bluegenes
11-17-2009 5:32 PM


For a moment, I thought they were Orthodox...until I realized they were using their left hands to cross themselves.

They're going to hell, now.


Rrhain

Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can use mine.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 354 by bluegenes, posted 11-17-2009 5:32 PM bluegenes has not yet responded

  
Rrhain
Member (Idle past 161 days)
Posts: 6349
From: San Diego, CA, USA
Joined: 05-03-2003


Message 357 of 540 (536559)
11-23-2009 11:25 PM


Arguably the worst movie made.

The Room, written, directed, and starring Tommy Wiseau. Yes, those blurbs at the end come from his own press release for the movie.

He originally released it as a serious drama but given the audience reactions, he is now trying to market it as a "black comedy."

Well, comedy is a possible idea:

Apparently, it's been playing in LA for four years and is becoming the new Rocky Horror Picture Show where people go specifically to laugh at it.

And sadly, Wiseau attends these performances and takes questions from the audience....


Rrhain

Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can use mine.

Replies to this message:
 Message 361 by onifre, posted 11-25-2009 9:55 AM Rrhain has not yet responded
 Message 364 by DevilsAdvocate, posted 11-28-2009 1:31 PM Rrhain has responded

  
Rrhain
Member (Idle past 161 days)
Posts: 6349
From: San Diego, CA, USA
Joined: 05-03-2003


Message 368 of 540 (539221)
12-14-2009 5:15 AM
Reply to: Message 364 by DevilsAdvocate
11-28-2009 1:31 PM


DevilsAdvocate asks about The Room:

quote:
This is not a serious movie is it. Nobody can be that bad at acting and directing can they? Seriously, it is a comedy right?

Oh, no. It was a serious movie. He meant it deeply from stem to stern. When he saw the audiences laughing hysterically at what he thought was he masterpiece on the level of Tennessee Williams, he backtracked and started calling it a "dark comedy."

See the trailer of his sitcom pilot, "The Neighbors":

He really thinks he's got something.


Rrhain

Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can use mine.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 364 by DevilsAdvocate, posted 11-28-2009 1:31 PM DevilsAdvocate has not yet responded

  
Rrhain
Member (Idle past 161 days)
Posts: 6349
From: San Diego, CA, USA
Joined: 05-03-2003


Message 428 of 540 (545909)
02-06-2010 7:42 AM
Reply to: Message 427 by New Cat's Eye
02-05-2010 12:06 PM


Re: your argument is invalid
To that end:


Rrhain

Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can use mine.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 427 by New Cat's Eye, posted 02-05-2010 12:06 PM New Cat's Eye has not yet responded

  
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