Understanding through Discussion


Welcome! You are not logged in. [ Login ]
EvC Forum active members: 84 (8913 total)
Current session began: 
Page Loaded: 06-16-2019 6:51 PM
23 online now:
AZPaul3, DrJones*, edge, Tanypteryx (4 members, 19 visitors)
Chatting now:  Chat room empty
Newest Member: Arnold Wolf
Post Volume:
Total: 853,868 Year: 8,904/19,786 Month: 1,326/2,119 Week: 86/576 Day: 86/50 Hour: 1/2


Thread  Details

Email This Thread
Newer Topic | Older Topic
  
RewPrev1
...
2728
29
3031
...
36Next
Author Topic:   Humor IV
New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 421 of 540 (544998)
01-30-2010 12:20 PM
Reply to: Message 420 by onifre
01-29-2010 8:26 PM


Re: Real-Life Superheroes
...or make a movie about it.

No shit... I hadn't heard of that. Hey, they got the nerds part right {but I don't know how I feel about McLovin :-\

Did you look through the list in the link and see the 6th one down on the left? That's you, isn't it

Oh shit, look what # this post is!!! Sweet 4-20!

ZOMG! What are the odds? It must have been Intelligently Designed


This message is a reply to:
 Message 420 by onifre, posted 01-29-2010 8:26 PM onifre has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 422 by onifre, posted 01-30-2010 12:58 PM New Cat's Eye has not yet responded
 Message 423 by onifre, posted 01-31-2010 1:46 PM New Cat's Eye has responded

onifre
Member (Idle past 1114 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 422 of 540 (545000)
01-30-2010 12:58 PM
Reply to: Message 421 by New Cat's Eye
01-30-2010 12:20 PM


Re: Real-Life Superheroes
{but I don't know how I feel about McLovin :-\

I liked him in Role Models as the nerd playing Layer. He may do alright.

Did you look through the list in the link and see the 6th one down on the left? That's you, isn't it

FUCK!!!!! I have to change my name, are you serious? Wtf! Hellzzzz no that's not me, dude. That's pretty fucked up though, I hope he dies fighting crime and no one ever uses my name again.

I wonder what his real name is? Or, is he some comedy fan of mine that's obsessed with being me?

- Oni


This message is a reply to:
 Message 421 by New Cat's Eye, posted 01-30-2010 12:20 PM New Cat's Eye has not yet responded

  
onifre
Member (Idle past 1114 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 423 of 540 (545059)
01-31-2010 1:46 PM
Reply to: Message 421 by New Cat's Eye
01-30-2010 12:20 PM


Lynch's superheros
Just to keep in theme with the superhero stuff, thought Lynch had some great ideas for superheros. You'll enjoy this, others will not of course:

- Oni

Edited by onifre, : No reason given.

Edited by onifre, : No reason given.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 421 by New Cat's Eye, posted 01-30-2010 12:20 PM New Cat's Eye has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 424 by New Cat's Eye, posted 01-31-2010 2:27 PM onifre has not yet responded
 Message 429 by xongsmith, posted 02-08-2010 7:25 PM onifre has responded

  
New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 424 of 540 (545060)
01-31-2010 2:27 PM
Reply to: Message 423 by onifre
01-31-2010 1:46 PM


Re: Lynch's superheros
You'll enjoy this

You were right. I like Lynch but hadn't hear that one yet.

Great line:

quote:
Kids, let's pretend drugs and alcohol are bad.
-A public service anouncement by Stephen Lynch

This message is a reply to:
 Message 423 by onifre, posted 01-31-2010 1:46 PM onifre has not yet responded

Granny Magda
Member (Idle past 54 days)
Posts: 2380
From: UK
Joined: 11-12-2007


Message 425 of 540 (545360)
02-03-2010 12:30 PM


Sandwich Rap
Here's Dan Antopolski with his brilliant Sandwich Rap.

Dan is on tour right now so well worth checking out for those in the UK.

Mutate and Survive


  
New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 426 of 540 (545793)
02-05-2010 11:46 AM


For legendary threads

I lol'd at:

quote:
THAT IS 150% MOTHER FUCKER


New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 427 of 540 (545795)
02-05-2010 12:06 PM


your argument is invalid
I think these are funny, for when the logic is just too horrible to comment without a stupic pic:


Replies to this message:
 Message 428 by Rrhain, posted 02-06-2010 7:42 AM New Cat's Eye has not yet responded

Rrhain
Member (Idle past 35 days)
Posts: 6349
From: San Diego, CA, USA
Joined: 05-03-2003


Message 428 of 540 (545909)
02-06-2010 7:42 AM
Reply to: Message 427 by New Cat's Eye
02-05-2010 12:06 PM


Re: your argument is invalid
To that end:


Rrhain

Thank you for your submission to Science. Your paper was reviewed by a jury of seventh graders so that they could look for balance and to allow them to make up their own minds. We are sorry to say that they found your paper "bogus," specifically describing the section on the laboratory work "boring." We regret that we will be unable to publish your work at this time.

Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can use mine.
This message is a reply to:
 Message 427 by New Cat's Eye, posted 02-05-2010 12:06 PM New Cat's Eye has not yet responded

  
xongsmith
Member
Posts: 1883
From: massachusetts US
Joined: 01-01-2009
Member Rating: 4.7


Message 429 of 540 (546137)
02-08-2010 7:25 PM
Reply to: Message 423 by onifre
01-31-2010 1:46 PM


Re: superheros and the abortion thread
Apropos of the abortion thread Dawkins and "The Great Tim Tebow Fallacy" (re: pro-life advertisement) (see Message 51 )....

For some time I have been toying with the idea to try out some standup comedy and I had come up with yet another Superman routine. I have no idea if it's worth pursuing. I actually tried it out at one of the bars where I do Open Mike singing and the result was rather tepid. My delivery was off:

The Superman Dilemma copyright 2009 Nathan A. Smith

Rated R or worse - maybe S for Stupid

You all are familiar with Superman, right? The Man of Steel? Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound? Faster than a speeding bullet...yada yada yada?

He's quite some super hero kind of a guy, cooly hiding as the mild-mannered Clark Kent, saving the world from unbelieveable disaster every issue, earning the adulation of every decent person on the planet - even the other super heroes bow to him. He'd be some kind of guy to be, if you were a guy...but before you all start thinking how neat it would be to BE him, let's all just consider this a little bit more closely.

Now, you know there are some Superman stories that they just could never put in print. Or they'd lose their important family rating right away. The comic would have to be moved into the little back room of the store.

Consider this: for years and years in the original stories he had to keep brushing off Lois Lane. Now we know he really does have a special relationship with her, and a few other women in his life, like Lana Lang and Lori Lorelei, so it's not like he's gay or anything - no - he seems to be a straight guy. But surely he must have considered the implications and thought it out. I mean - what do you think The Man of Steel's hard-on would be like? Steely Dan from Naked Lunch would have nothing on this.

But more to the point - when he came...just think, when he came, it would be like a 12-gauge shotgun going off, with all those steely guys coming out in a blast - surely he knew this would kill...so he has to think of another way. Now, being the man of honorable ethics, he would not just go out and find some harlot somewhere and try it out, just to see what it was like, could he? No, no, no. The newspapers would print the story of finding the poor girl's body... "strange, unexplainable internal wounds"...or he could hide the evidence - but, hey, this is Superman - he's not going to commit murder to find out, unless he's under the effects of red kryptonite. The red kryptonite has strange effects - it could remove his moral barriers...but again - he's not gonna be waiting around for another red kryptonite episode to test this out, is he? They dont write those episodes very often. Well, what about a green kryptonite condom? But what if green kryptonite is brittle and flaky and cannot be made into a condom without leakage. I mean, have any of you ever seen a condom made out of material like rock? No. What about if he superfast reweaves a piece of his cape into a condom? But again wait, a cloth condom? His guys could swim through that. So I'm sure he puts a lot of thinking into this. But, hey - yunno, the dude is probably still a virgin.

Then he realizes it's even worse than he thought, because, hey, he's Superman and he can fly. That means so can his little guys! Not only can they all swim - as George Costanza would put it - they can all fly!

Now, for ordinary human males, there are these zillions each time, but only one can score the egg. The others are just out of luck and soon will have expired. But this is NOT the case for Superman!!! They are all Super and *will* fly out and find another target!! All of them will find another target!!! Every single one will *succeed* in what they are designed to do! Now how many are there in a typical load? 150 Millions! Yikes! The poor guy cant even jack off!!

........Now - do any of you guys still want to be Superman?

In that message pointed to above, our resident professional, Onifre, writes:

Do you honestly think it would be best for the human race to give birth to every single conceived fetus?

I would add

Does anyone think it would be best for the human race for every sperm to conceive?

Epilogue (years later):
One of the last Superman stories I read was a story about how, every once in awhile, Superman would take his arch-nemesis Luthor on a furlough from the prison and they would go off and land on this red star planet where Superman had no super powers. On this planet Luthor was revered as their hero the way Superman is on earth. And Superman is regarded as the bad guy. Luthor has made an agreement to go there and help the planet and be the hero and be able to beat up that bad guy Superman there, under the condition that they then they go back to the prison on earth, lifting off in their return vehicle without super powers until out of range of the red star. Luthor thanks Superman for this every time. Aw gee, how nice, huh? Real warm and touchy-feely. Almost made me vomit.

But now I think I really know why Superman keeps going back to this place - I know why he made this deal with Luthor - it's so he can finally jack off!


- xongsmith, 5.7d
This message is a reply to:
 Message 423 by onifre, posted 01-31-2010 1:46 PM onifre has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 430 by onifre, posted 02-08-2010 8:27 PM xongsmith has responded
 Message 432 by New Cat's Eye, posted 02-09-2010 10:39 AM xongsmith has responded

  
onifre
Member (Idle past 1114 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 430 of 540 (546146)
02-08-2010 8:27 PM
Reply to: Message 429 by xongsmith
02-08-2010 7:25 PM


abortion insipred humor
For some time I have been toying with the idea to try out some standup comedy and I had come up with yet another Superman routine. I have no idea if it's worth pursuing. I actually tried it out at one of the bars where I do Open Mike singing and the result was rather tepid. My delivery was off:

Well cool, man. If you're not scared to talk to an audience then have fun with it. Be as natural as you would be talking to your friends and this might help with your delivery. You have to delivery naturally for your timing to work also. It's all related.

The Superman Dilemma copyright 2009 Nathan A. Smith

Rated R or worse - maybe S for Stupid

First I'll say this, I like it. It's funny, quite funny. I like jokes like these that are out there creatively. Joe Rogan does bits like that (he has a bit about the dumb people out-fucking the smart people, and the dumb take over - Sorta like the movie Idiocracy).

Second, if I was reading it as a blog I would think it was perfect, but to do this joke on stage, you need to "cut the fat off." Too many words don't let the punchline hit as hard.

For example:

quote:
You all are familiar with Superman, right? The Man of Steel? Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound? Faster than a speeding bullet...yada yada yada?

He's quite some super hero kind of a guy, cooly hiding as the mild-mannered Clark Kent, saving the world from unbelieveable disaster every issue, earning the adulation of every decent person on the planet - even the other super heroes bow to him. He'd be some kind of guy to be, if you were a guy...but before you all start thinking how neat it would be to BE him, let's all just consider this a little bit more closely.

Now, you know there are some Superman stories that they just could never put in print. Or they'd lose their important family rating right away. The comic would have to be moved into the little back room of the store.

Consider this: for years and years in the original stories he had to keep brushing off Lois Lane. Now we know he really does have a special relationship with her, and a few other women in his life, like Lana Lang and Lori Lorelei, so it's not like he's gay or anything - no - he seems to be a straight guy. But surely he must have considered the implications and thought it out. I mean - what do you think The Man of Steel's hard-on would be like? Steely Dan from Naked Lunch would have nothing on this.

But more to the point - when he came...just think, when he came, it would be like a 12-gauge shotgun going off, with all those steely guys coming out in a blast - surely he knew this would kill...so he has to think of another way.


This is the premise of your joke. Your premise is "Superman would have a massive hard-on and shoot steely sperm babies like a 12 guage shotgun, killing the poor female victim."

But you said a lot to establish that. As a blog, again, it would be hilarious, but on stage you can't be so wordy.

This is just an example, and by all means find the best way you would say it, and I'm just brainstorming, but something like this:

quote:
"You ever notice you never read about the "other" side of Superman's life? The rauchy side. I mean, he is Superman, are you telling me he never this dude never got laid?

First of all, his hard-on alone would be impressive. Steely Dan from Naked Lunch would have nothing on this!

The only frightening thing would be when he came - remember he's the man of steel. So are his little sperm babies... of steel. When he shoots a load, it's like a 12 guage shotgun going off, coming out in a blast. Blowing off the head of Lois Lane."


Now that's just an example, but as you can see, we get to the premise quicker, and establish what the joke is about. Now the audience is into it.

And just keep that in mind for the rest of the joke. Condense. Cut the fat, as we say.

I will say, this:

quote:
One of the last Superman stories I read was a story about how, every once in awhile, Superman would take his arch-nemesis Luthor on a furlough from the prison and they would go off and land on this red star planet where Superman had no super powers. On this planet Luthor was revered as their hero the way Superman is on earth. And Superman is regarded as the bad guy. Luthor has made an agreement to go there and help the planet and be the hero and be able to beat up that bad guy Superman there, under the condition that they then they go back to the prison on earth, lifting off in their return vehicle without super powers until out of range of the red star. Luthor thanks Superman for this every time. Aw gee, how nice, huh? Real warm and touchy-feely. Almost made me vomit.

But now I think I really know why Superman keeps going back to this place - I know why he made this deal with Luthor - it's so he can finally jack off!


Is hilarious as is! I lol'd on that one.

Btw, seriously, how high were you when you wrote this? Lol

There's a young comic here in Miami who does a lot of comic book related jokes. And jokes about just being nerdy and things that go along with that. He has done shows for SuperCon before, and other nerd events. And ah....he's ALWAYS high. So I'm just guessing it's part of the creative process to be baked when thinking of reality far out jokes like the one you wrote above.

I know it's part of my creative process.

Anyway, let me know how it goes when you try the bit again, and I hope I was of some help. Funny stuff, man. Post other if you want, I'd like to read more.

- Oni


This message is a reply to:
 Message 429 by xongsmith, posted 02-08-2010 7:25 PM xongsmith has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 431 by xongsmith, posted 02-08-2010 8:45 PM onifre has not yet responded
 Message 433 by dronestar, posted 02-09-2010 10:48 AM onifre has not yet responded

  
xongsmith
Member
Posts: 1883
From: massachusetts US
Joined: 01-01-2009
Member Rating: 4.7


Message 431 of 540 (546148)
02-08-2010 8:45 PM
Reply to: Message 430 by onifre
02-08-2010 8:27 PM


Re: abortion insipred humor
Onifre responds like I hoped he would:
Anyway, let me know how it goes when you try the bit again, and I hope I was of some help. Funny stuff, man. Post other if you want, I'd like to read more.

Wow, thanks! Yeah it IS too wordy. Curiously my songs are also wordy. Around the open mic circuit I'm known as Long Song Smith.


- xongsmith, 5.7d
This message is a reply to:
 Message 430 by onifre, posted 02-08-2010 8:27 PM onifre has not yet responded

  
New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 432 of 540 (546206)
02-09-2010 10:39 AM
Reply to: Message 429 by xongsmith
02-08-2010 7:25 PM


Re: superheros and the abortion thread
Have you seen Mallrats?

quote:
Brodie: It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I guarantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry his child?

T.S. Quint: Sure, why not?

Brodie: He's an alien, for Christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom... but that would kill him.



This message is a reply to:
 Message 429 by xongsmith, posted 02-08-2010 7:25 PM xongsmith has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 434 by PaulK, posted 02-09-2010 10:49 AM New Cat's Eye has responded
 Message 436 by xongsmith, posted 02-09-2010 2:33 PM New Cat's Eye has not yet responded

dronestar
Member (Idle past 503 days)
Posts: 1379
From: usa
Joined: 11-19-2008


Message 433 of 540 (546208)
02-09-2010 10:48 AM
Reply to: Message 430 by onifre
02-08-2010 8:27 PM


Re: abortion insipred humor
Cool that you gave xongsmith some suggestions, Oni.

Not long ago, I was one of the speakers at a film festival that featured primates and travel. (Go figure.)

My speech was mostly serious, perhaps too serious, so I added a few jokes. Not having great experience with this type of thing, NOR knowing in advance the type of audience I would have, I DREADED that the few jokes would fall flat. To my great surprise and relief, they killed. It was intoxicating.

I know I don't have the talent or perhaps even the guts to do stand-up for a living, but I can understand why some people do it.

Good luck xongsmith.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 430 by onifre, posted 02-08-2010 8:27 PM onifre has not yet responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 438 by xongsmith, posted 02-09-2010 2:46 PM dronestar has not yet responded

PaulK
Member
Posts: 15031
Joined: 01-10-2003
Member Rating: 3.2


Message 434 of 540 (546209)
02-09-2010 10:49 AM
Reply to: Message 432 by New Cat's Eye
02-09-2010 10:39 AM


Re: superheros and the abortion thread
Larry Niven got there first Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex
This message is a reply to:
 Message 432 by New Cat's Eye, posted 02-09-2010 10:39 AM New Cat's Eye has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 435 by New Cat's Eye, posted 02-09-2010 12:10 PM PaulK has not yet responded
 Message 437 by xongsmith, posted 02-09-2010 2:40 PM PaulK has not yet responded

  
New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


Message 435 of 540 (546222)
02-09-2010 12:10 PM
Reply to: Message 434 by PaulK
02-09-2010 10:49 AM


Re: superheros and the abortion thread
You must be older than me
This message is a reply to:
 Message 434 by PaulK, posted 02-09-2010 10:49 AM PaulK has not yet responded

RewPrev1
...
2728
29
3031
...
36Next
Newer Topic | Older Topic
Jump to:


Copyright 2001-2018 by EvC Forum, All Rights Reserved

™ Version 4.0 Beta
Innovative software from Qwixotic © 2019