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Author Topic:   Humor Strikes back
Parasomnium
Member (Idle past 1039 days)
Posts: 2191
Joined: 07-15-2003


Message 96 of 217 (267098)
12-09-2005 4:43 AM


A brilliant plan!
Carico said here:

ancestors are created through breeding

I just cannot let this one go, this completely new insight has given me a brilliant idea.

It is a well known fact that the ancestor is an endangered species. Most of them are dead, after all.
I suggest that we start a rigorous ancestor breeding programme. Once we have a healthy population of ancestors, we might try to release them in the wild.

We might even try to cross-breed them with predecessors! That would of course involve a bit of bestiality, but if we could just manage to get rid of the gene for talking by a clever breeding strategy, nobody needs to know.

I think Moorhead, MN USA would be a suitable place to start the world's first ancestor breeding farm. Lots of expertise there.


Replies to this message:
 Message 97 by Omnivorous, posted 12-09-2005 8:59 AM Parasomnium has responded

  
Parasomnium
Member (Idle past 1039 days)
Posts: 2191
Joined: 07-15-2003


Message 98 of 217 (267149)
12-09-2005 9:52 AM
Reply to: Message 97 by Omnivorous
12-09-2005 8:59 AM


Re: Creation Science!
Please fill out this questionaire and we'll get back to you.

1. Do you reproduce sexually or asexually? 1

2. Are you male, female or hermaphrodite?

3. Are you a pure-bred ancestor?

4. Do you lay eggs?

4. Does ancestry run in your family?

5. Do you object against incest?

6. How about bestiality?

7. Strangle sex?

8. How many times a day must you be fed?

9. Do you require a stable, a dark cave or underwater2 sleeping quarters?

10. How many legs do you have? 3

____________________________

1If asexually, don't bother to continue. We'll keep you in our database though, in case we think of other interesting experiments.

2Please indicate sweet water, salt water, or brackish.

3When more than six, we refer you to our culinary division. We don't like creatures with more than six legs, except when steamed and served with lemon-caper mayonnaise.

This message has been edited by Parasomnium, 09-Dec-2005 03:15 PM


This message is a reply to:
 Message 97 by Omnivorous, posted 12-09-2005 8:59 AM Omnivorous has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 99 by Omnivorous, posted 12-09-2005 10:54 AM Parasomnium has responded
 Message 101 by macaroniandcheese, posted 12-09-2005 2:32 PM Parasomnium has responded

  
Parasomnium
Member (Idle past 1039 days)
Posts: 2191
Joined: 07-15-2003


Message 100 of 217 (267223)
12-09-2005 2:23 PM
Reply to: Message 99 by Omnivorous
12-09-2005 10:54 AM


References
References--if desired.

Ah, references. Yes, excellent. Well, just one question really, and then it should be in the bag: those eggs you mentioned, can they erm... sort of, attest that they erm... got laid by you?


This message is a reply to:
 Message 99 by Omnivorous, posted 12-09-2005 10:54 AM Omnivorous has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 111 by Omnivorous, posted 12-09-2005 6:05 PM Parasomnium has not yet responded

  
Parasomnium
Member (Idle past 1039 days)
Posts: 2191
Joined: 07-15-2003


Message 102 of 217 (267247)
12-09-2005 3:12 PM
Reply to: Message 101 by macaroniandcheese
12-09-2005 2:32 PM


Evaluation
Questionaire evaluation.

Subject: brennakimi

_____________________

1. Do you reproduce sexually or asexually?
neither.

Subject may have to be drugged to induce reproduction.

2. Are you male, female or hermaphrodite?
female

Further info required: nubile? (If yes, notify Omivorous.)

3. Are you a pure-bred ancestor?
i'm no one's ancestor

Problem with understanding premise of ancestor breeding programme. Perhaps brain missing. (Note: may be useful in breeding out talking gene.)

4. Do you lay eggs?
every month without fail.

Notify kitchen.

4. Does ancestry run in your family?
apparently.

Nodule of brain after all?

5. Do you object against incest?
i don't understand the question.

Incest no problem.

6. How about bestiality?
i think there's a video of a guy getting killed by a horse.
it would be bad enough for me to squirt out a non-hybridized offspring.

Cesarean? Second thought, better not try large animals with this one. Note: chihuahua as roommate?

7. Strangle sex?
i've choked a chicken, so to speak. but not my own. see answer to number ten.

Inexperienced.

8. How many times a day must you be fed?
don't feed the fatties.

Note: book elephant house.

9. Do you require a stable, a dark cave or underwater2 sleeping quarters?
yes. cave.

Cancel elephant house, order extra semtex.

10. How many legs do you have?
only 2. i lay eggs.

Introduce to echidna.

Overall conclusion: worth an experiment.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 101 by macaroniandcheese, posted 12-09-2005 2:32 PM macaroniandcheese has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 103 by macaroniandcheese, posted 12-09-2005 3:21 PM Parasomnium has responded
 Message 104 by robinrohan, posted 12-09-2005 3:27 PM Parasomnium has responded
 Message 113 by Omnivorous, posted 12-09-2005 6:11 PM Parasomnium has not yet responded

  
Parasomnium
Member (Idle past 1039 days)
Posts: 2191
Joined: 07-15-2003


Message 105 of 217 (267255)
12-09-2005 3:53 PM
Reply to: Message 104 by robinrohan
12-09-2005 3:27 PM


Robin!
In spring a young man's fancy often turns to thoughts of sheep.

Sheep? Well, I never! Plural? That's wicked! That would amount to... polygamy!


This message is a reply to:
 Message 104 by robinrohan, posted 12-09-2005 3:27 PM robinrohan has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 108 by robinrohan, posted 12-09-2005 4:02 PM Parasomnium has not yet responded
 Message 110 by Omnivorous, posted 12-09-2005 6:02 PM Parasomnium has not yet responded
 Message 112 by MangyTiger, posted 12-09-2005 6:10 PM Parasomnium has not yet responded

  
Parasomnium
Member (Idle past 1039 days)
Posts: 2191
Joined: 07-15-2003


Message 106 of 217 (267260)
12-09-2005 3:54 PM
Reply to: Message 103 by macaroniandcheese
12-09-2005 3:21 PM


Re: Evaluation
did i just pass a datability exam?

Yes.

José, meet brennakimi, brennakimi, this is José.

José might look fragile, brenna, what with him trembling on his little legs an' all, but that's just fatigue. He's just had a rendez-vous with a Great Dane bitch.

Careful, he might still be a little agitated. If you stroke him, stay away from the teeth.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 103 by macaroniandcheese, posted 12-09-2005 3:21 PM macaroniandcheese has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 107 by macaroniandcheese, posted 12-09-2005 3:59 PM Parasomnium has responded

  
Parasomnium
Member (Idle past 1039 days)
Posts: 2191
Joined: 07-15-2003


Message 109 of 217 (267264)
12-09-2005 4:03 PM
Reply to: Message 107 by macaroniandcheese
12-09-2005 3:59 PM


Re: Evaluation
José, ATTACK!

This message is a reply to:
 Message 107 by macaroniandcheese, posted 12-09-2005 3:59 PM macaroniandcheese has not yet responded

  
Parasomnium
Member (Idle past 1039 days)
Posts: 2191
Joined: 07-15-2003


Message 161 of 217 (283570)
02-03-2006 3:14 AM
Reply to: Message 160 by arachnophilia
02-02-2006 10:31 PM


Re: the perry bible fellowship
How did you like this one, Spidey?


This message is a reply to:
 Message 160 by arachnophilia, posted 02-02-2006 10:31 PM arachnophilia has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 162 by arachnophilia, posted 02-03-2006 9:46 AM Parasomnium has not yet responded

  
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