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Author Topic:   The Return of Humor
Coragyps
Member
Posts: 5407
From: Snyder, Texas, USA
Joined: 11-12-2002


Message 256 of 302 (195552)
03-30-2005 8:30 PM


What struck you when you saw the thread "Lessons of Genesis (B'resheet)" in one of the Bible forums here? I thought "Does a B'resheet in the woods?" But maybe that's just me.

This message has been edited by AdminPhat, 04-08-2005 12:03 PM


Lammy
Member
Posts: 3612
From: Chicago
Joined: 03-29-2004


Message 257 of 302 (196336)
04-03-2005 1:58 AM


WASHINGTON, DC—Almost a year after the cessation of major combat and a month after the nation's first free democratic elections, President Bush unveiled the coalition forces' strategy for exiting Iraq.
Bush announces the pullout of Iraq through Iran.
Above: Bush announces the pullout of Iraq through Iran.

"I'm pleased to announce that the Department of Defense and I have formulated a plan for a speedy withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq," Bush announced Monday morning. "We'll just go through Iran."

Bush said the U.S. Army, which deposed Iran's longtime enemy Saddam Hussein, should be welcomed with open arms by the Islamic-fundamentalist state.

"And Iran's so nearby," Bush said. "It's only a hop, skip, and a jump to the east."

According to White House officials, coalition air units will leave forward air bases in Iraq and transport munitions to undisclosed locations in Iran. After 72 to 96 hours of aerial-bomb retreats, armored-cavalry units will retreat across the Zagros mountains in tanks, armored personnel carriers, and strike helicopters. The balance of the 120,000 troops will exit into the oil-rich borderlands around the Shatt-al-Arab region within 30 days.

Pentagon sources said U.S. Central Command has been formulating the exit plan under guidelines set by Bush.
Bush Announces Iraq Exit Strategy: 'We'll Go Through Iran'

"The fact is, we've accomplished our goals in Iraq," said General George Casey, the commander of coalition forces in the Iraqi theater. "Now, it's time to bring our men and women home—via Iran."

Questions have been raised about the unprecedented size of the withdrawal budget.

"I'm asking Congress to approve a $187-billion budget to enable us to exit as smoothly as possible," said Casey, whose budget request includes several hundred additional M1A1 Abrams battle tanks, 72 new C-130 cargo planes, and two brigades of artillery. "We're concerned about the safety of our troops, so we need to have the capacity to deal with insurgent forces all the way from the Iraqi border through to Tehran."

Casey has requested a budget increase for the Pentagon, so that the government can reward recruits who serve in the U.S. mission to exit Iraq.
Some of the Iranian citizens U.S. troops will meet as they pass through Iran.
Above: Some of the Iranian citizens U.S. troops will meet as they pass through Iran.

"The plan also includes a minor stopover for refueling and provisional replenishment in Syria," Casey said. "But I don't expect we'll need more than 50,000 additional troops for that stretch of the Iraq pullout."

Bush's plan has met with widespread support.

"The people who said Iraq was a quagmire and that the president would never get our troops out are now eating crow," said Sean Hannity on his popular radio show Tuesday. "Of course, I don't expect anyone will have the honor to come forward and actually admit that they were wrong to question our commander-in-chief."

Sioux Falls, SD's Dianne Haverbuck, who has two sons in the military, said she was pleased to hear of the impending exit.

"Don and Kenneth have already been in Iraq an extra four months, so it's so good to hear that they'll finally be leaving that dangerous place," Haverbuck said. "I can't tell you how happy I was when the president said—what was it? I wrote it down. 'Getting our troops out of the Middle East and back home to their families is a viable long-term goal.'"

"I can't wait to see the boys," Haverbuck added.

Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Hoseini-Khamenei welcomed the exit plan.

"Let the Allied armies come to Iran," Khamenei said. "I believe I can assure you that, if they do withdraw here, their brothers-in-arms in the Islamic Republican Army, the Revolutionary Guards Corps, the Quds special forces units, and the Basij Popular Mobilization Army will no doubt do everything they can to make the troops' trip back home memorable."

{Rescaled headline image to "100%", to restore page width to normal. - Adminnemooseus}

This message has been edited by Adminnemooseus, 04-03-2005 02:34 AM

This message has been edited by AdminPhat, 04-08-2005 12:02 PM


berberry
Inactive Member


Message 258 of 302 (196966)
04-05-2005 2:44 PM


Bushism of the Day
The accidental wit and wisdom or our president, brought to you by Jacob Weisberg of Slate.

On Social Security private accounts:

If they pre-decease or die early, there's an asset base to be able to pass on to a loved one.


Keep America Safe AND Free!

berberry
Inactive Member


Message 259 of 302 (197671)
04-08-2005 11:14 AM


New Dr. Pepper Commercial
I've seen this on TV a few times now, and it uses an old '70s novelty song I wish I could find. The song had a lead singer and backing vocals, but no words. It was all nonsense. I remember the name, but I can't remember how to spell it (something like M'nuh, M'nuh).

You can catch a snippet of the tune at the Dr. Pepper website. Click the 'Cherry Vanilla' icon, then 'Media Gallery' and then the first TV ad link.

You only get a few seconds of the song and that's a shame. What made it so funny was that as it progressed there would be longer and longer pauses in which the lead singer would "improvise" a scat routine that sounded rather like Darth Vader doing Ella Fitzgerald.

Red Skelton used to use this song on his TV show in a recurring routine that involved spacemen on the moon engaged in various banal activities that usually involved grocery shopping carts.

Does anyone else remember the full-length tune? Do you know the actual name of it, or the artist?


Keep America Safe AND Free!

Replies to this message:
 Message 260 by Dan Carroll, posted 04-08-2005 11:34 AM berberry has responded
 Message 261 by pink sasquatch, posted 04-08-2005 11:40 AM berberry has not yet responded

Dan Carroll
Inactive Member


Message 260 of 302 (197673)
04-08-2005 11:34 AM
Reply to: Message 259 by berberry
04-08-2005 11:14 AM


Re: New Dr. Pepper Commercial
Does anyone else remember the full-length tune? Do you know the actual name of it, or the artist?

I might be able to get you a copy. If I'm not mistaken (although I might be) my girlfriend has an Mp3 of the Muppets doing it.


"You can't expect him to be answering your prayers when he's not real, can you? That's like writing to the characters of a soap opera and expecting a reply, Mr. Silly Sausage!"
-Jane Christie

This message is a reply to:
 Message 259 by berberry, posted 04-08-2005 11:14 AM berberry has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 262 by berberry, posted 04-08-2005 11:44 AM Dan Carroll has responded

pink sasquatch
Member (Idle past 4334 days)
Posts: 1567
Joined: 06-10-2004


Message 261 of 302 (197675)
04-08-2005 11:40 AM
Reply to: Message 259 by berberry
04-08-2005 11:14 AM


Re: New Dr. Pepper Commercial
The Muppets made it famous:

"Ma-Na-Ma-Na"
Original Airdate: November 30, 1969

The now famous, Mahna Mahna was created specifically for this appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show. He was designed as a symbol of free expression, a concept that was quite popular in the 1960's. The original song "Ma-Na-Ma-Na" was written by Italian artist Peter Umilioni.

Two cow-like creatures, the Snowths (a blend of the words 'snout' and 'mouth'), sing "Doo Doo Dee Doo-Doo". As the song continues, Mahna Mahna upstages the Snowths by excitedly repeating his name. A couple things to look for in this original rendition, Mahna Mahna winks quite a bit throughout this piece which adds to the humor. He also looks directly into the nose of each of the Snowths as he sings Mahna Mahna.

Mahna Mahna would also air on Sesame Street in 1969 and the first episode of the Muppet Show starring Juliet Prowse. A parody of Mahna Mahna was on the 1996 Sandra Bullock episode of Muppets Tonight. Mahna Mahna was also performed live in December 2001 at the Muppet Show Live during MuppetFest.

I've got it on 45 somewhere - but I'm guessing Dan's mp3 would be a bit easier to get to you...


This message is a reply to:
 Message 259 by berberry, posted 04-08-2005 11:14 AM berberry has not yet responded

berberry
Inactive Member


Message 262 of 302 (197676)
04-08-2005 11:44 AM
Reply to: Message 260 by Dan Carroll
04-08-2005 11:34 AM


Re: New Dr. Pepper Commercial
Thanks, Dan, I'd be very interested in getting a copy of it. Let me know when you have it available.


Keep America Safe AND Free!

This message is a reply to:
 Message 260 by Dan Carroll, posted 04-08-2005 11:34 AM Dan Carroll has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 263 by Dan Carroll, posted 04-08-2005 12:08 PM berberry has responded

Dan Carroll
Inactive Member


Message 263 of 302 (197679)
04-08-2005 12:08 PM
Reply to: Message 262 by berberry
04-08-2005 11:44 AM


Re: New Dr. Pepper Commercial
No prob. In the meantime, this might work.


"You can't expect him to be answering your prayers when he's not real, can you? That's like writing to the characters of a soap opera and expecting a reply, Mr. Silly Sausage!"
-Jane Christie

This message is a reply to:
 Message 262 by berberry, posted 04-08-2005 11:44 AM berberry has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 264 by berberry, posted 04-08-2005 12:26 PM Dan Carroll has not yet responded

berberry
Inactive Member


Message 264 of 302 (197682)
04-08-2005 12:26 PM
Reply to: Message 263 by Dan Carroll
04-08-2005 12:08 PM


Re: New Dr. Pepper Commercial
Thanks again, Dan. It might seem silly, but I like this for some reason. It's hilarious.


Keep America Safe AND Free!

This message is a reply to:
 Message 263 by Dan Carroll, posted 04-08-2005 12:08 PM Dan Carroll has not yet responded

Taqless
Member (Idle past 4225 days)
Posts: 285
From: AZ
Joined: 12-18-2003


Message 265 of 302 (197755)
04-08-2005 7:02 PM


List
Many of you might have seen this before, but I thought a refresher wouldn't hurt. One of my favorite TOP 100 (:D) lists (hope you have 5 minutes).

berberry
Inactive Member


Message 266 of 302 (200634)
04-20-2005 5:00 AM


Fifth-Grade Science Paper Doesn't Stand Up To Peer Review
From The Onion.


Keep America Safe AND Free!

Replies to this message:
 Message 267 by CK, posted 04-20-2005 5:04 AM berberry has responded

CK
Member (Idle past 2439 days)
Posts: 3221
Joined: 07-04-2004


Message 267 of 302 (200636)
04-20-2005 5:04 AM
Reply to: Message 266 by berberry
04-20-2005 5:00 AM


Re: Fifth-Grade Science Paper Doesn't Stand Up To Peer Review
IF you need to produce a paper really quickly....

http://www.elsewhere.org/cgi-bin/postmodern/


This message is a reply to:
 Message 266 by berberry, posted 04-20-2005 5:00 AM berberry has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 268 by berberry, posted 04-20-2005 5:07 AM CK has not yet responded

berberry
Inactive Member


Message 268 of 302 (200637)
04-20-2005 5:07 AM
Reply to: Message 267 by CK
04-20-2005 5:04 AM


Re: Fifth-Grade Science Paper Doesn't Stand Up To Peer Review
Now THAT's interesting. I'd like to get Brad's input on it.


Keep America Safe AND Free!

This message is a reply to:
 Message 267 by CK, posted 04-20-2005 5:04 AM CK has not yet responded

berberry
Inactive Member


Message 269 of 302 (200642)
04-20-2005 5:37 AM


Letter from college
Stolen from another message board:

Dear Dad
$chool i$ really great. I've made lot$ of friend$ and am $tudying hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like you could ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
$teve

Dear $teve
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study hard eNOugh.

Love,
Dad


Keep America Safe AND Free!

berberry
Inactive Member


Message 270 of 302 (200989)
04-21-2005 7:01 PM


What can children teach us?
(The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas.)

Things I have learned from my boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The window panes (even double-panes) do not stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it is already too late.

8) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is 4-ever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15). VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably do NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens (and vice versa).

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

25.) Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.


Keep America Safe AND Free!

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