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Author Topic:   The Return of Humor
Lammy
Member
Posts: 3613
From: Chicago
Joined: 03-29-2004


Message 271 of 302 (201018)
04-21-2005 8:59 PM


Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie
went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old
grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,
"He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years
old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh, no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our
advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church
bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow
and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the
Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "and if the damned ice
cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today."


Lammy
Member
Posts: 3613
From: Chicago
Joined: 03-29-2004


Message 272 of 302 (201249)
04-22-2005 5:46 PM


Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or
leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope
offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the
Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy. If the Pope won,
they would have to leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged but wise Rabbi, Moishe, to represent
them in the debate. However, as Moishe spoke no Italian and the Pope spoke
no Hebrew, they all agreed that it would be a "silent" debate.

On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other for a full
minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Rabbi Moishe
looked back and raised one finger.

Next the Pope waved his finger around his head. Rabbi Moishe pointed to the
ground where he sat.

The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. Rabbi Moishe
pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope stood up and declared that he was beaten, that Rabbi Moishe
was too clever and that the Jews could stay.

Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope, asking what had happened. The Pope said,
"First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding
up one finger to remind me that there is still only one God common to both our
beliefs.

"Then, I waved my finger to show him that God was all around us. He responded
by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us.

"I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He
pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He had me beaten and I could
not continue."

Meanwhile, the Jewish community were gathered around Rabbi Moishe. "What
happened?" they asked.

"Well," said Moishe, "First he said to me that we had three days to get out of
Italy, so I said to him, 'Up yours.'

"Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I said to
him, 'Mr. Pope, we're staying right here.' "

"And then what?" asked a woman.

"Who knows?" said Moishe. "He took out his lunch so I took out mine."


Lammy
Member
Posts: 3613
From: Chicago
Joined: 03-29-2004


Message 273 of 302 (201515)
04-23-2005 3:14 PM



Replies to this message:
 Message 274 by Lammy, posted 05-09-2005 5:52 PM Lammy has not yet responded

Lammy
Member
Posts: 3613
From: Chicago
Joined: 03-29-2004


Message 274 of 302 (206572)
05-09-2005 5:52 PM
Reply to: Message 273 by Lammy
04-23-2005 3:14 PM


Someone just linked me to this.

New SAT questions.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 273 by Lammy, posted 04-23-2005 3:14 PM Lammy has not yet responded

berberry
Inactive Member


Message 275 of 302 (206885)
05-10-2005 10:23 PM


Comedy blog about celebrities
It's called The Superficial and it's hilarious!


Keep America Safe AND Free!

berberry
Inactive Member


Message 276 of 302 (207629)
05-13-2005 3:10 AM


Singin' In The Rain
Have you seen the new GE commercial that features an elephant in a rainforest dancing to Singin' In The Rain? It cracked me up when I saw it. It doesn't seem to be running very often, but you can watch it online at Adrants, along with another amusing GE spot featuring a bunch of scantily clad hunks and babes toiling in a coal mine to Mel Travis' Sixteen Tons.

Under the headline "Perfect Bodied Coal Miners Strike A Pose In New GE Ad", you'll find the links at the end of the third paragraph.

The Singin' In The Rain ad is the best one, imo. Well worth a few minutes for the download.


Keep America Safe AND Free!

Replies to this message:
 Message 277 by CK, posted 05-13-2005 3:25 AM berberry has responded

CK
Member (Idle past 2449 days)
Posts: 3221
Joined: 07-04-2004


Message 277 of 302 (207630)
05-13-2005 3:25 AM
Reply to: Message 276 by berberry
05-13-2005 3:10 AM


Re: Singin' In The Rain

This message is a reply to:
 Message 276 by berberry, posted 05-13-2005 3:10 AM berberry has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 278 by berberry, posted 05-13-2005 10:01 AM CK has not yet responded

berberry
Inactive Member


Message 278 of 302 (207719)
05-13-2005 10:01 AM
Reply to: Message 277 by CK
05-13-2005 3:25 AM


Re: Singin' In The Rain
That's good too, but I like the elephant better.


Keep America Safe AND Free!

This message is a reply to:
 Message 277 by CK, posted 05-13-2005 3:25 AM CK has not yet responded

berberry
Inactive Member


Message 279 of 302 (218554)
06-21-2005 11:54 PM


Gay Coloring Assignment Has Parents of Nursery Schoolers Seeing Red
Hilarious!


"I think younger workers — first of all, younger workers have been promised benefits the government — promises that have been promised, benefits that we can't keep. That's just the way it is."— George W. Bush, May 4, 2005

Scaryfish
Junior Member (Idle past 4612 days)
Posts: 30
From: New Zealand
Joined: 12-06-2004


Message 280 of 302 (218782)
06-22-2005 7:21 PM


Skippy's list
I'm not sure if this has already been posted, but it's one of my favourites. 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army

berberry
Inactive Member


Message 281 of 302 (221418)
07-03-2005 3:30 AM


Torturous Humor
From The Huffington Post:

Question for Duncan Hunter: So, apparently torturing prisoners is ok, as long as you follow that up by serving two types of fruit with dinner?


"I think younger workers — first of all, younger workers have been promised benefits the government — promises that have been promised, benefits that we can't keep. That's just the way it is."— George W. Bush, May 4, 2005

Andya Primanda
Inactive Member


Message 282 of 302 (221861)
07-05-2005 8:23 AM


Dembski vs Darwin
Maybe some of you might already noticed this, but it's...just...funny!

quote:
I’ve always wanted an image of Darwin and me as professional wrestlers with me doing a piledriver on him. If you’ve got the photoshop skills and more time on your hands than you know what to do with . . . .

http://www.uncommondescent.com/index.php/archives/170


berberry
Inactive Member


Message 283 of 302 (224784)
07-19-2005 11:07 PM


High Moral Fiber
Image hosted by Photobucket.com


"I think younger workers — first of all, younger workers have been promised benefits the government — promises that have been promised, benefits that we can't keep. That's just the way it is."— George W. Bush, May 4, 2005

kjsimons
Member
Posts: 670
From: Orlando,FL
Joined: 06-17-2003


Message 284 of 302 (224927)
07-20-2005 3:26 PM


Zoom the moon!
http://moon.google.com/

Zoom all the way in! :D


Replies to this message:
 Message 286 by arachnophilia, posted 07-21-2005 8:02 PM kjsimons has responded

berberry
Inactive Member


Message 285 of 302 (225275)
07-21-2005 8:01 PM


Karl Rove Talking Points
Humor from Tom Tomorrow.


"I think younger workers — first of all, younger workers have been promised benefits the government — promises that have been promised, benefits that we can't keep. That's just the way it is."— George W. Bush, May 4, 2005

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