What is love?

The phrase, "I love you", has been said many times by many different people throughout the ages.It has often been said in films and in literature.At times, we, ourselves, have said it.But what is love? -and what do we mean when we say: "I love you."Is it a feeling?When a person who is married contemplates divorcing his spouse because he no longer feels "in love" with his spouse, does he have an actual dilemma?But what if love is not a feeling at all?What if it has absolutely nothing to do with feelings?I assert that love is, in fact, an act -and by the term "act", I mean that it is characterized by action.Allow me to elaborate:Love is expressed. And the way we express it is through action. The giving of our time, for instance, is an act of love. When we play with our children, when we listen to a friend, when we help a stranger, we are loving them.Spending time with our children is, inevitably, a sacrifice of other activities and pursuits. We are, to a certain extent, obligated, by law, to spend a certain amount of time dealing with our children. We are responsible for taking care of them, feeding them, etc. But, to the extent that we spend time with our children playing with them, listening to them intently (this may be an enormous exertion of energy at times), and engaging with them beyond what is "required" of us, we are loving them.How many times have we encountered parents who say to their children that they love them, then buy things for their children but neglect to play with them or listen to them. We know from history, that children are not fooled. A child whos parents buy him things but don't play with him or listen to him, doesn't think he's loved. He comes to understand, that for his parents, he is simply not very important. His parents may tell him that they love him, but their actions tell him differently.In the same way, when we say to our spouses: "I love you", the words, in and of themselves, are meaningless.Spouses know that they are loved when we take time to listen to them intently and when we sacrifice our wants and desires to do things for them.I would like to hear people's thoughts and comments concerning the things that I have posted so far.Mods, would this topic be okay in the Coffee House?

Thread moved here from the Proposed New Topics forum.

I contend that 'love' is a concious decision. One decides whether to love or not to love. If all the right criteria are met then one says " I love you." And like wise love can be withdrawn.
Love is dependant upon nothing but a whim of the moment.
And yet can endure a lifetime. Ultimately we all decide whether we raise the notch from like you..to love you...to hate you..back to love you again.

I don't know about that. Most people who report being in love report very little, if any, sense of having made a decision about it. In fact isn't that the most famous characteristic of love, that it's a compulsion that cannot be resisted? Isn't that what all those poets talk about?There's very much a biochemical basis and timeline for love; hot-blooded romantic love seems to peter out at about the time you'd have had a few kids and raised them past the dangerous infant stage - about 7 years or so. But I don't think knowing that makes love less magical; no more than childbirth becomes less magical knowing that it's the result of sex.

Silly Roxy reference Ah yes ludic love!! Mr. Crashfrog you speak of lust not love that can not be resisted. If you examine just what this thing called love is you may descover that you can love or not love it is your choice. But if you are striken by the beauty and buxomness of a female it is the loins that beckon you. Love is what happens when you decide to elevate that lust to the Big "L" word. JMHO

There are several words in the Greek Language for the word LOVE.phileo: The kind of love we have for a friend.eros: Romantic, sexual or a worldly type love.agape: The kind of love God wants us to exemplify in marriage, also the kind of love that is "Self-Sacrificing." This love is also the "Bond of Perfection" or the glue/adhesive that holds our marriage together. Read up on 1 Corinthians 13 for a better idea of it. Its also about being selfless and thinking about others before yourself.1 Corinthians 13Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.I'd hate to hold my marriage together with phileo or eros like most do...hope that helps

You've got it backwards. You can resist lust. Love overpowers.I'm going to guess you don't read a lot of poetry, or Shakespeare. Look, I love my wife, and it's not by choice. And it's not by lust. I remember the first time I saw her, and "burning loins" was not the sensation I had. Rather, my reaction was surprise at her blue hair.I was not particularly attracted to my wife when we first met. It was months later that I found myself compelled to attraction by my intense respect and all the fun we had together. And now it's weird to think back to how mousey and goofy I thought she looked in Science Fiction class, and think to how great she looks in her sweatpants studying biochem on the floor right now, and try to imagine that it's the same person. (She's actually way hotter now, thanks to a better haircut. )And you know what? I've done it the other way, too - tried not to fall in love with this other girl. Got my heart ripped right out of my ass.You don't choose love. It's a compulsion. I guess you can lock yourself in a room forever, or something - you can't fall in love with somebody whose existence you don't know anything about. But when it hits you, there's no choice.Nobody who loves says they had a choice about it. That's the classic nature of love. I don't see how all that is waved away on your say-so.

Oh no Crash, it is merely my opinion which I stated. Love is if anything subjective. I salute your romantic nature!!**edit to add: Just curious, Is there something that can make one that did love someone, not love them anymore? What can kill or desolve what was once love into hatred or even worse apathy?This message has been edited by 1.61803, 10-12-2004 11:26 PMThis message has been edited by 1.61803, 10-12-2004 11:27 PM

The next one.

The next one. Ok then what happened to the 'old' one? I contend that it is a decision one made to NOT love (A) anymore because I love (B) now. See my point? You decide. When you had enough of someones shit. or When your needs are no longer met. or when you catch the other cheating, or you yourself want to cheat. Regardless something happens to that "uncontrolable love" that once was. What? I will give you a hint. It start with Y. and ends with U.

I didn't choose to love A. I didn't choose to love B, which resulted in the fading of my feelings for A. When did I make a choice? I don't see it. If I had, I would have chosen B a hell of a lot sooner, and saved myself a few months of stupid boyish pining.But I didn't get a choice. You can't compel love; it compels you.

If you did not choose who did? Are you getting religious on me? Do you now feel like love is this SUPERNATURAL force that compels you?
Love may in your mind compel you... but I am beyond that now, I now know that love is just a word used to describe a multitude of feelings one may have for another. But in the end I think we decide whether or not we want to use that particular word. Crashfrog I totally understand your romantic view of love, I just dont share it. I am jaded I suppose. *edit typoThis message has been edited by 1.61803, 10-12-2004 11:55 PM

Nobody. That's rather the point, now isn't it? Who said anything about supernatural? Gravity compels me to remain on the surface of the Earth as much as possible, but I hardly find that "supernatural."It's a natural compulsion, like feeling tired or hungry. You can choose not to eat or when to sleep, but you don't choose to feel the need to.This message has been edited by crashfrog, 10-12-2004 11:56 PM

Ok Crash. I cede the argument to your chiverlous courtly romantic vision of love. *takes off hat and bows deeply..;D

quote:

---

how mousey and goofy I thought she looked in Science Fiction class

---

You two took a class on creationism and ID?What is love? baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, Oh no...and now I have the SNL skit with the two dorks in the disco stuck in my head.