Too undatable

Ok, I need some either clues or advice,I am too undatable.I am 28 years old, and have never EVER had a girlfriend. Well, I have never even been on ONE date. Ever. I go out and all that, but I remain single.IF I ever get to meet a girl, she turns away within 2 minutes.
I am not overweight, deformed, or have any markings. I am professionally employed, well financed, young looking, and well spoken.The reason I write this here is because: I have asked God (in prayer) for an answer, to no avail. I am also wondering if the Book of JOB (in the bible) relates.."Why has God forsaken me"..etc.. I mean, God had planned us to meet our "someone for everyone" but I am not getting any younger.Although my faith is strong, I cannot but wonder what is happening.
Am I not meant to find the "someone"??

---

"I no longer fear hell, but have grown accustomed to it."

Thread moved here from the Dates and Dating forum.

quote:

---

Ok, I need some either clues or advice,I am too undatable.
I am 28 years old, and have never EVER had a girlfriend. Well, I have never even been on ONE date. Ever. I go out and all that, but I remain single.

​

IF I ever get to meet a girl, she turns away within 2 minutes.
I am not overweight, deformed, or have any markings. I am professionally employed, well financed, young looking, and well spoken.

---

Why do you think they turn away?Are you shy? Both genders are generally attracted to confident, vibrant, intelligent, happy people.Perhaps your lack of confidence is being broadcasted?Also, where are you going to meet women?

quote:

---

The reason I write this here is because: I have asked God (in prayer) for an answer, to no avail. I am also wondering if the Book of JOB (in the bible) relates.."Why has God forsaken me"..etc.. I mean, God had planned us to meet our "someone for everyone" but I am not getting any younger.

---

Praying to god to provide you with abstract "help" is one way to change your life, but I think that deciding to change your attitude and perhaps your behavior, and then doing it, might work more effectively.[This message has been edited by schrafinator, 03-14-2004]

When you say "change your behaviour", ...to what? I am polite, friendly and rarely get angry. I am very patient and understanding of others. But I don't know what to "change to"?

---

"I no longer fear hell, but have grown accustomed to it."

quote:

---

God had planned us to meet our "someone for everyone"

---

I don't think so.. not for everyone, many people don't marry, they devoted their life for God.

quote:

---

.."Why has God forsaken me"..etc..

---

God won't forsaken His people.
Maybe, after you got somebody, later you would forsaken God, and He got jelous of it.. not a good answer but who knows?
Or, maybe God wants you to look at your past and learn from your experiences and be a better person.
Or, maybe God knew the women you have met were not good for you.If you realy believe and love God, I'm sure He won't let you down.
My advice, pray for an answer and look on your past, also always praise the LORD whatever things happend to you, because not always bad things will come out bad.

Do you talk about boring stuff? I have a lot of friends who are otherwise pretty attractive - like you, they're friendly, polite, and moderate on the looks scale - but they're incredibly enthusiastic about technical minutae. That's not going to make a big impression on the ladies.Are you where the girls are? After all, you can't meet girls if you're not where the girls are. This would seem obvious but it's a commonly overlooked strategy to meeting women. It doesn't have to be bars, of course - in fact if you're not a bar guy, you probably won't have much in common with the girls you're likely to meet at bars and clubs.Take classes, if you're not already. Cooking classes are great - you learn a practical skill, and girls appreciate a guy who can cook, because they know that such a guy is tuned into sensuality. (Like making love, cooking takes all the senses.) Above all, get involved in groups that do things you're interested in. I met my wife over a game of Dungeons and Dragons.There's probably not going to be anything you can change about yourself to increase your "hit rate" with women. If you tried to act differently you'll just be uncomfortable, and by all means you have to be comfortable to have success with women. Instead be who you are, but increase the number of women you meet who have common interests with you.That's pretty much it. Just be comfortable, be yourself, don't confuse your enthusiasm for a subject with her interest, and increase the number of women you're meeting.

What he said.

Well you see, when you say "be where the woman are"..Besides being several females at work (all single), I go out. I join social clubs. Am enrolled in several extra-curricular activities.
I have many many interests, which leads me to this: I can talk about
almost anything. Not just "boring stuff" as you put it, but pretty much anything.But the thing is, in any of these groups or classes, the girls are ALWAYS the same..they don't take any interest in me, but move to the next person there..pretty much.. I have even joined introduction agencies (not the back street ally ones) but professional ones.
To no avail.Maybe you're right and God wants me to follow him directly.

---

"I no longer fear hell, but have grown accustomed to it."

One thing that is true is that girls are all different. So the fact that you're writing them all off at once suggests to me that you're not picking up on the signals women use to suggest interest.What are they? Hell if I know. My wife had to club me upside the head before I picked up on her interest. Which doesn't make any sense - I was totally interested in her first, so you'd think that I would have been paying extra-close attention. I think that just goes to show that your own feelings can get in the way of picking up on the feelings of others.If you're the sensitive, introspective type, then you probably do a lot of thinking ahead in situations. But when you meet women you have to not do that. You have to be in a state of Zen concentration - the "no-mind" state. Watch a few Bruce Lee movies and you'll kinda get the jist of what I'm talking about.Basically you have to stop thinking "What can I do to make her like me?" and just think about her. Pay attention to that moment and don't even think about the future.Just. Think. About. Her. I can't stress enough how you have to totally let go of your anxiety.This isn't a magic pill or anything. What it's going to do is allow you to put the best part of yourself forward, free of everything inside you that holds you back. But it's ultimately always going to be up to her to respond, and it's just going to be luck when you run into the woman that's built in such a way as to respond to your unique qualities. It'll happen, eventually. Time is on your side.

qoute:Time is on your side.
----------------------------------------------------------------------"Time waits for no man".Amyways, here is an example. I am friendly with 1 girl here at work.
She is a little younger,(like she's nearly 20)/ I have visited her a few times and had coffee or a few smokes (normal ones, not funny ones ). I want to tell her how I feel but, it's kinda scary.
One problem, even though she is a very friendly girl, she's what's known as a "goth". She likes all the Death music and has a Satanic bible...The only thing is, this is the only girl I have ever gotten on really well with, and I like her alot. I know God would not approve of me sharing her "interests"..(even though it's something we can talk about)..but, is this any message? Am I being called by the evil to stray away from God? Or What?

---

"I no longer fear hell, but have grown accustomed to it."

Is she a good person? Does she treat you with respect?"Goths" are harmless. Honestly, there's little difference between the gothic sensibility to death and the transience of life; and the Christian tradition of obsession with the "Passion" (read: horrible suffering) of Christ.There's nothing evil in goth. The word comes from a style of Christian cathedrals, after all. Somehow, I doubt it. Then again I don't believe in God.But let's look at it this way. Evil people are known by their evil deeds. Is she evil? Or does she do good things? A fixation on death isn't in itself evil - death comes to us all, right?The occult doesn't exist. So I don't think an interest in it is evil.I don't think you're being tempted by evil. I think you're being presented with an opportunity - perhaps even from God - to see how there's an infinite number of ways to be a good person. Jesus hung out with pimps and whores and tax collectors, right? Learn from the example of Christ. You don't have to cloak yourself in the trappings of Bible-thumpin' righteousness to be a godly person. I think you have a chance to develop a mature, adult theology. That's going to happen when you can see her beyond the eyeliner and the Satanic bible.Of course, I don't know her. Maybe she's not a nice person. That's something you're going to have to decide, but it's going to have nothing to do with the clothes she wears or what's on her bookshelf.(Added by edit - Err, I'm not trying to say that your friend is a pimp, or a whore, or even - god forbid - a tax collector. )[This message has been edited by crashfrog, 03-17-2004]

I do get on with her pretty well. She does treat me with respect, though not many others do. She doesn't REALLY do anything bad, )although she smokes dope) but I don't hold THAT against her..
LOL, and she doesn't really wear the makeup, but has gothic clothes and interests.Even though I believe in God, I also believe the devil DOES exist, and has ways of er.."taking action". There IS a hell, along with a heaven, and both can be expirienced in BOTH life and death.I'm really sorry to bore you guys with such a topic, but I didn't know where else to write this. You've all been pretty good..

---

"I no longer fear hell, but have grown accustomed to it."

So, kick it up a notch. Start doing more things with her. Find something you're both into and do that. Above all get to know her.What are you looking to get, exactly? That's a bold question, I know, and you need to honestly know the answer before you can be honest about it with her. Interpersonal relationships are about filling needs. You need to be honest with what needs you think she can fill. (Obviously there's more to it than that but we'll get to that later.)

One thing I don't want to do is pester her though. I jave learnt (MANY times) the more you persuade the girl, you may annoy her. It's happened before.Hmm. what "needs" you say? Not only the good company, but for two people that get on well ebough to form a relationship. You see, I have done ALOT for her, I helped her out when she was short of money.
I fixed her pc. I was there for her when she broke up with her original b/f. Also, I have volunteered to fill in for her when she didn't want to work (We kept it a secret from the boss)..I dunno what it is, but I feel something for her.......

What are we, out on the grade school playground?It isn't about "persuading" girls to do anything. You're not going to be able to coerce them into liking you. You're still working on this model where you're thinking "what do I have to do to get girls to like me?"The answer is nothing. There's absolutely nothing you can do to get them to like you. They pick whether they like you or not based on who you are. The only thing you can do is help them get to know the best parts of you as fast as possible.Are we cool on that? It's important. What do you want from her that you're not getting from her? If you want to spend time with her, you are. If you want to be her friend, you are. If you want to get to know her, that takes time, which you have. If you're interested in romantic intimacy - making out and stuff - you're going to have to get comfortable with that. Comfortable enough to talk about it, and comfortable enough with the idea of her knowing you want that. You're in a relationship with her, just like you're in a relationship with everybody you know. The question is, what do you want from her? It's worse than I thought.That would be your hindbrain, kickin' it into gear. What you're doing is the ancient courtship act. You're presenting her with resources in order to convince her you're going to be best able to support her children. These are ancient impulses burned into your brain by evolution.The problem is that her impulses are working against you. Evolutionarily women approach mate selection with two aims in mind - finding the best genes for their children and finding a good caretaker for their children. The problem is that, instinctively, they don't demand that these be the same person.You're setting yourself up to be stuck in the "friend zone" because you've demonstrated to her hindbrain that you can provide resources. But that's not enough for her to accept you as a "mate". You have to show her some good genetic fitness, too. That's why women are attracted to confidence - in fact you may have noticed that women aren't annoyed by levels of confidence that seem arrogant or egotistical to you.You're going to have to ratchet up the confidence to almost arrogant proportions. And you have to do it pretty soon.Call her up and meet here somewhere, sometime this week. You're going to have to tell her how you feel about her. But first you have to figure out how you feel about her and what you want from her. I realize that you probably don't want to marry her or something, but for her to see you in a romantic way, you're going to have to demonstrate interest in her in an intimate - aka sexual - way. You're going to have to get comfortable with having that out in the open.Take it from a guy who once lost out because he kept putting off telling a girl how he felt. You've got to do this sooner rather than later. There's no easy way to do it. There's no secret code. You just have to tell her how you feel about her.