I grew up in a Christian home and I do believe in God (whether or not that is the same God as the mainstream Christianity, I do not know); it wasn't till I got to college that I started learning things about mainstream Christianity that made me question a few things.
I don't know if anybody has addressed this portion of your post with you yet, so pardon me if they have.
You say that it wasn't until college that you started learning things about mainstream Christianity. What things? From whom did you learn them? What kind of college did you attend (secular or christian)? Was there a specific classroom or professor that challenged you to rethink your belief system?
I ask because I have found that many people in college (myself included) have questioned their belief system. Perhaps your faith was based on a weak standing with God, in that you depended upon your parents for a spiritual upbringing and instruction. Then when you found yourself out from under their thumb, you began to question what you truly believed. This is not uncommon, but I would encourage you not to make any rash decisions. Abandoning what you have believed in is a huge step, and often one that causes tremendous upheaval in one's life as time goes on. In college, we find ourselves surrounded by the secular world in a way that we never were before. While living at home, and being a minor, we were under our parents protection to a great extent, and this caused us not to venture too far from their beliefs. Christianity is about developing a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and not about being brought up to be a Christian or attending a specific church. So it is my recommendation that you seek out a relationship with God, in a deeply personal way. How might you attempt this?
*Spend time in meditation of God's word and prayer (even 5 minutes a day, at the same time every day, really helps to focus)
*Look for a college group at your church, or a church that is close to where you attend college.
*Join a bible study on campus. Almost every campus, whether secular or christian, has groups of people who gather for bible studies once a week. You can usually find flyers, or notices, pinned up on bulletin boards, or you'll hear about it by word of mouth. Many of them are experiencing what you're experiencing. It's good to have friends who understand.
The message here, is to remember that many college professors are teaching from a secular point of view, and so yes they will encourage one to explore other options, other belief systems, and maybe even give up on being "dependent" on a belief system. What we must remember is that their rules do not have to be our rules. What they believe, does not have to be what we believe. Further more, what they believe isn't necessarily true, just because they are in a position of authority. It's the same with peers. College is a fun and wonderful experience. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the partying, dating, and relationship experiences. Along with some of these experiences guilt may become a part of our daily living, and rather than admit that we might be doing something that goes against what we believe in, it becomes easier to put what we believe in, on a side burner. We figure that we're due some fun after living in an environment where we were not really allowed to make our own rules. Sound familiar? Trust me, we've all been there. Life is fun. College is great. Being an adult is fantastic. But you don't have to let go of who you are, and conform to worldly ideologies, in order to experience all of that. We all make mistakes in life, and sometimes it's really hard to let them go. Let's face it... sex is a huge part of college life, for most students. Sex is also a beautiful and wonderful experience, but we both know that God intended it to be experience inside a message.
My purpose is not to guilt you, shame you, or cause you to feel unworthy of God's love. Instead, I want to challenge you to be the adult you desire to be, and own up to your feelings. Own up to responsibility. Grasp life and love every moment of it. But..... (important but) don't lose yourself in your explorations. If you want to have a seriously, fantastic experience in life, then go find God. He hasn't abandoned you, and you don't have shame yourself into an existence apart from him.
Consider this "friendly" post from one who has been where you are. God bless.
This message has been edited by Damaris, Fri, 09-30-2005 11:36 PM
Who you think I am is not nearly as important as who I think I am.
Who I think I am is not nearly as important as who God can see inside of me.
™ Version 4.2
