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Author Topic:   How do I deal with a creationist family member?
onifre
Member (Idle past 2951 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


(1)
Message 34 of 86 (534184)
11-05-2009 3:06 PM
Reply to: Message 1 by hooah212002
11-04-2009 1:12 AM


My question is this: how can I talk to her and show her, not that she is wrong, but, to be more accepting of different viewpoints.
- With a woman? Oh brotha, not a chance (sorry sammyjean ) - However, if you manage to do this, tell us how you did it 'cause that's some useful info.
Honestly though...
Dude, find another chick ... don't put up with that shit if you don't agree with it. She won't budge, people never do. Look at this site. Have you ever seen anyone, even when presented with evidence to the contrary, switch their opinion?
You will deal with this forever. Either find someone else, or prepare for a life long battle over invisible entities.
- Oni

This message is a reply to:
 Message 1 by hooah212002, posted 11-04-2009 1:12 AM hooah212002 has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 35 by Rahvin, posted 11-05-2009 3:09 PM onifre has replied
 Message 38 by hooah212002, posted 11-05-2009 6:59 PM onifre has replied
 Message 39 by Buzsaw, posted 11-05-2009 9:07 PM onifre has replied

  
onifre
Member (Idle past 2951 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


(2)
Message 36 of 86 (534189)
11-05-2009 3:50 PM
Reply to: Message 35 by Rahvin
11-05-2009 3:09 PM


I did. I was a theist when I came here.
You did? I didn't know that. Fair enough.
I assume though that you at least listened to the arguments from the other side, right?
Do you feel his girl will listen at all to anything he says about this? From what I gathered from his post, she is not going to budge. Now, he can either spend a long time trying to get her to listen to his PoV, perhaps even arguing out loud and sadly having the kids hear this, or, give her an ultimatum - Let me share in teaching my kid, or peace...
But he's not asking his girlfriend to convert to Atheism. He's asking her to have as much respect for his parental rights as he has for hers. That's a big difference.
Well sure, but he's also trying to teach "them" his PoV, while him and his girl one share 1 child. So she may feel he's over-stepping his role. Thus he has a conflict. That's another issue I see.
However, if you have to teach someone to show you respect, it has been my experience that you'll have to re-teach them again and again. That is something (at their age) that should already be known. How do you not know to compromise in a relationship?
And I wasn't trying to say that he should convert her, not at all, I meant exchange her.
- Oni

This message is a reply to:
 Message 35 by Rahvin, posted 11-05-2009 3:09 PM Rahvin has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 37 by Rahvin, posted 11-05-2009 5:03 PM onifre has not replied

  
onifre
Member (Idle past 2951 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


(2)
Message 60 of 86 (534355)
11-07-2009 2:53 AM
Reply to: Message 38 by hooah212002
11-05-2009 6:59 PM


The thing is, that would bring yet another child into this world with a broken family. Our oldest, her daughter, is from her previous relationship. The middle, my son, is from my previous marriage. The youngest, is ours together. We want to at least give one of them a childhood with both parents.
I agree, with both yours and Rahvin's posts.
Having given this a few days before replying, and, also the fact that I was having a little fun with my first post, I'd like to say this:
You kinda knew what you were getting into, right? I mean, she didn't keep any of this a secret and sprung it on you recently, right? You knew she was Christian and knew the mom?
If you did, then there isn't much you can do.
You can try to present the "looks great on paper" argument that Rahvin suggested; try to make nice, explain it all in detail, show her that you will not poison her children with atheism, etc... but at the end of the day, if she says "na, I still want it my way" where do you go from there?
Reality is, when shit don't work it don't work. When two completely different ideologies want to instill their PoV's into one thing, sadly the only thing that suffers is that thing.
So, IMHO, if your main concern is the kids, then I'd suggest only teaching them when she gives you the ok. If not, you'll be fighting her the entire time and the kids will carry the burden of two parents who have conflicting ideologies.
OR, like Buz seems to be suggesting, just pop her in the mouth and tell her to make you a sandwich, while you teach the kids about natural selection.
- Oni
On the real, good luck.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 38 by hooah212002, posted 11-05-2009 6:59 PM hooah212002 has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 62 by hooah212002, posted 11-07-2009 3:21 AM onifre has not replied

  
onifre
Member (Idle past 2951 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


(3)
Message 61 of 86 (534356)
11-07-2009 3:09 AM
Reply to: Message 39 by Buzsaw
11-05-2009 9:07 PM


Yah, sure, Dude, complicate a problematic situation into more of a rabitry hopping from one bunny to another until the kiddies know not who belongs to who or where to turn.
Fair point.
Blessed be the family commitments of til death do we part, come hell or high water, through the good and the bad, etc, where, so long as Biblical principles were applied, the non-complicated old fashioned functional family flourished fairly effectively.
Yea, but you guys didn't have myspace or facebook, lol. Pu**y is just thrown at you nowadays, Buz. It wasn't like your day when there were barely any women in the work place, or at bars. There's to much to deal with now and way too much of a selection to be bogged down in something that is causing you stress and an ulcer. Eventually, you'll look around and meet someone who compliments you a little better, but now you're stuck in a relationship you're not feeling, and never were. But you stuck around for the kids ... so what do you do, you cheat and screw everything up to a degree that it never had to get to.
It's a different time now, but I get where you're coming from. My parents hate each other but are still married. I hate visiting because they're both miserable and have been for many, many years. As a kid, I would wish they would get divorced, just so I didn't have to listen to the constant fighting.
So what did the "traditional" approach achieve them? - Nothing
And how did they help their kid with the 'traditional' approach? - Well, now at any sign of a conflict I'm ready to terminate any relationship I'm in because I don't want to end up like them.
So it was a lose-lose situation.
Plus, I've always felt that any man who feels the need to dominate a woman by means of masculine intimidation, was lacking a little in the bedroom department, if you know what I mean.
Here's a saying from my generation: If you hit it right, she'll know who the man is.
- Oni

This message is a reply to:
 Message 39 by Buzsaw, posted 11-05-2009 9:07 PM Buzsaw has not replied

  
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