EvC Forum: Life without God

cavediver writes:

I was smiling all the way back to the house

Woot!! Well done!
Knowing you don't have waste several hours/days/weeks cancelling and re-obtaining the shit required to function within the rules these days... is a good feeling.

I recently temporarily moved (am building a house and *gasp* moved in with the parents for 4 months... 2 down, 2 to go... 4 too many...) and lost the passports for my wife and I. Finally went through piles of junk to find them... in "a safe place" tucked neatly into the bottom of a box that housed things I would... eventually... have unpacked into the nightstand by the bed.

That relief is one of the greatest feelings around

My first thought was to thank God. My second thought was to ask myself what I was doing. I stopped, wondering what to do. I had this overwhelming sense of gratitude, but suddenly I had nowhere to channel it; I could hardly be pleased with myself. It was all very very odd. Then slowly there formed this oxymoronic sense of fulfilled emptyness. The stars were shining, I raised my hands to the heavens, and shouted "everything just *IS* and I LOVE IT".

I've had similar experiences during my own deconversion. I wasn't as entrenched as you, though, so I doubt my experience was quite on the same level.

I do, however, now hardly even recognize the existance of any gods.

When I go through such things as knowing I've lost the passports, and freaking out about them... I'm basically thinking "well, I'm either going to find them, or not... and I really, really hope this is one of those times where I end up finding them..."
Is that hope any less than "I hope to God that I find them..."? Of course not. But it is... not the same

Perhaps it's a better hope for me... more in tune with how I actually feel (perhaps how I've alreays really felt) anyway.

When I did find the passports, I just allowed myself to become fully imersed in the feeling of relief. It's nice to simply enjoy a feeling for what it is rather than to also think about devoting that feeling to some outside entity. Full immersion in such an intense emotion can be very spiritual. It is for me, anyway. Sort of like in Jerry McGuire... when the football guy gets knocked out in the end zone but comes too, but doesn't move yet... "Just... just let me enjoy this moment for a minute...." And then he gets up and dances around. Kinda like that, but more-so

if I really believed there was a deity willing and able to materially affect reality on the back of my prayers, how could I live with myself if I did not spend every moment of my life praying for the uncountable situations of sorrow and suffering occuring at every moment around the world?

For me, it was easiest to first discover who I was. Then, as I focused on getting my thoughts and beliefs to revolve around what I thought was right instead of what everyone else says was right... I realized that things made a lot more sense. And my life seemed a lot more... "aligned". Everything just started to fit.

We can only fight ourselves for so long. Sooner or later we have to do what we know is right and not what other people tell us "is right." What that is, and how it works for each of us is as different and varied as there are different and varied people in the world.
Glad to hear you seem to have found the path that fits you.
As Jar has said, keep looking for the path, and good journey to you.

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