You may not know this, but people who doubt, who never pushed deeper, who went cold and left, that is not a surprise to me. But did you ever genuinely repent, to God - and ask Him to change it? No - you left.
I did ask, and no one answered. I soon realized that I should work on asking the forgiveness of those I have sinned against, and then work on forgiving myself.
But that's the thing - if I had wishful thinking I would do as my flesh wanted. I would obey lust, anger, selfishness, etc? ht does the flesh profit? It profits nothing - and if I am honest, I never particularly wanted to live forever, not in this world.
That's not how it works. Some of us don't need the a belief in God in order to be a respectful member of society. Some of us actually want to be good because it is the right thing to do.
What I meant by "accepting reality for what it is" is that I see no need to insert a deity into the whole process. Children die of cancer. That is the reality. I see no reason to say that children die of cancer. . . because this is a fallen world. The last part is just added on for no reason and does nothing to explain reality.
You assume that your position is "reality", without proving it.
What I am trying to say is that I do not add things to reality, such as deities, for which there is no evidence. That is what theists do, not me.
The sky does not proclaim that, "atheism is reality".
The sky does not proclaim that, "god exists". This is the atheist position, that there is no compelling evidence for the existence of god.