Understanding through Discussion


Welcome! You are not logged in. [ Login ]
EvC Forum active members: 79 (8897 total)
Current session began: 
Page Loaded: 03-20-2019 4:55 AM
132 online now:
Dredge, Tangle (2 members, 130 visitors)
Chatting now:  Chat room empty
Newest Member: WookieeB
Post Volume:
Total: 848,478 Year: 3,515/19,786 Month: 510/1,087 Week: 100/212 Day: 16/14 Hour: 0/6


Thread  Details

Email This Thread
Newer Topic | Older Topic
  
1
23456
...
99NextFF
Author Topic:   The Awesome Republican Primary Thread
Dr Adequate
Member
Posts: 16085
Joined: 07-20-2006
Member Rating: 10.0


(2)
Message 1 of 1485 (621678)
06-27-2011 11:39 PM


This is a thread for all things concerned with the struggle to be the Republican nominee for President, because it promises to be quite funny even without Donald Trump. We miss you, Donald.

First, a complete and occasionally accurate guide to the main contenders. They are in alphabetical order, which serves them right.

Michelle Bachmann. Either the dumbest person in the world or a gifted performance artist. Beloved by the insane wing of the Republican Party, because she is insane, and by liberals for exactly the same reason. Started her official campaign by claiming to be possessed by the spirit of a serial-killer clown, which she probably is.

Herman Cain. Pizza mogul. Has never held political office. Main advantage: being an Afro-American. Main disadvantage: being One Of Them Black Nigras. Appears to be completely bonkers, putting him in with a chance.

Newt Gingrich. Noted for committing adultery while demanding that Bill Clinton should resign for ... what was it? Worshiping graven idols? Not keeping the Sabbath holy? Oh, I remember now, it was committing adultery. Newt's explanation for his behavior is that he's hard-working and patriotic. No, really. According to him: "Theres no question that at times in my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard, and that things happened in my life that were not appropriate."

John Huntsman. He's a Mormon and he worked for the Obama administration, making him a member of two sinister anti-Jesus cults. Probably the Anti-Christ but then who isn't these days? Apparently intelligent, moderate, competent, honest, and wildly popular as Governor of Utah, he seems to me to be the best of the bunch. Which isn't to say that I want him to be the nominee. Go Michelle!

Gary Johnson. Former Governor of New Mexico. Like Ron Paul, only less likely to die before you finish reading this paragraph. Has climbed Mount Everest, making him the best candidate at climbing things.

Sarah Palin. Hooray! Because she couldn't handle the pressure of being Governor of snow and polar bears, she now wants to be President. Her chief advantages are two. First, people have heard of her. Second, when she was the VP candidate in 2008 Republicans had to pretend that she wasn't completely worthless, and some of them began to believe it. Not as funny as Michelle Bachmann.

Ron Paul. Engagingly crazy libertarian. Wants to repeal drug laws, abolish income tax, go back on the gold standard, have an isolationist foreign policy, and pretty much reduce the legitimate activities of the federal government to declaring war, which he wouldn't. A man of principles, most of them wrong, and completely unelectable by mainstream Republicans. Noted for how fucking annoying his followers are.

Tim Pawlenty. I don't know who he is either. Oh all right then, he used to be Governor of Minnesota. No person named Tim will ever rise to any position of greatness.

Buddy Roemer. Former Governor of Louisiana, he became a Republican in 1991, lost the Republican nomination for Governor, and hasn't held political office for the past two decades. Apparently running for President just for the heck of it.

Mitt Romney. In 2000, Republicans thought Bush was better than McCain. In 2008, they thought McCain was better than Romney. So Romney is the guy who isn't as good as the guy who isn't as good as Bush. Naturally he's considered the front-runner, because ... why? He is a Mormon, which means that he has lots of crazy irrational beliefs, which worries the Republican base, who have lots of different crazy irrational beliefs. He is tainted by introducing universal health care while Governor of Massachusetts, thus raising fears that he might be a halfway-decent human being.

Rick Santorum. How shall I put this? If you asked a liberal Hollywood screenwriter to invent a Republican politician, this is what he'd come up with. Except the bit where he called for "tougher penalties" for hurricane victims, which would be considered somewhat far-fetched even by Hollywood standards. He is rumored to blight the very earth he walks on so that no flower will ever bloom there again, and to kill puppies by thinking about them.

I shall keep you updated with more semi-information throughout the campaign. In the meantime, let's have your thoughts on the candidates and what objects you would most like to hurl at them.

Edited by Dr Adequate, : No reason given.


Replies to this message:
 Message 2 by bluescat48, posted 06-28-2011 12:18 AM Dr Adequate has not yet responded
 Message 3 by ZenMonkey, posted 06-28-2011 1:46 PM Dr Adequate has responded
 Message 4 by Rahvin, posted 06-28-2011 2:24 PM Dr Adequate has not yet responded
 Message 5 by dwise1, posted 06-28-2011 2:52 PM Dr Adequate has not yet responded
 Message 7 by Larni, posted 06-28-2011 3:39 PM Dr Adequate has not yet responded
 Message 12 by onifre, posted 06-29-2011 2:43 AM Dr Adequate has not yet responded
 Message 96 by Dr Adequate, posted 08-13-2011 7:47 PM Dr Adequate has not yet responded

  
bluescat48
Member (Idle past 2264 days)
Posts: 2347
From: United States
Joined: 10-06-2007


Message 2 of 1485 (621680)
06-28-2011 12:18 AM
Reply to: Message 1 by Dr Adequate
06-27-2011 11:39 PM


You just about said it all.


There is no better love between 2 people than mutual respect for each other WT Young, 2002

Who gave anyone the authority to call me an authority on anything. WT Young, 1969

Since Evolution is only ~90% correct it should be thrown out and replaced by Creation which has even a lower % of correctness. W T Young, 2008


This message is a reply to:
 Message 1 by Dr Adequate, posted 06-27-2011 11:39 PM Dr Adequate has not yet responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 300 by IamJoseph, posted 10-20-2011 11:15 AM bluescat48 has not yet responded

    
ZenMonkey
Member (Idle past 2585 days)
Posts: 428
From: Portland, OR USA
Joined: 09-25-2009


Message 3 of 1485 (621737)
06-28-2011 1:46 PM
Reply to: Message 1 by Dr Adequate
06-27-2011 11:39 PM


Except for being so kind to Michelle Bachmann by playing down the fact that she's a crazy as a carnival run by crack-addicted chimpanzees, you seem to be right on target.


Your beliefs do not effect reality and evidently reality does not effect your beliefs.
-Theodoric

Reality has a well-known liberal bias.
-Steven Colbert

I never meant to say that the Conservatives are generally stupid. I meant to say that stupid people are generally Conservative. I believe that is so obviously and universally admitted a principle that I hardly think any gentleman will deny it.
- John Stuart Mill


This message is a reply to:
 Message 1 by Dr Adequate, posted 06-27-2011 11:39 PM Dr Adequate has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 8 by Dr Adequate, posted 06-28-2011 6:00 PM ZenMonkey has not yet responded

  
Rahvin
Member (Idle past 1261 days)
Posts: 3964
Joined: 07-01-2005


Message 4 of 1485 (621743)
06-28-2011 2:24 PM
Reply to: Message 1 by Dr Adequate
06-27-2011 11:39 PM


No person named Tim will ever rise to any position of greatness.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 1 by Dr Adequate, posted 06-27-2011 11:39 PM Dr Adequate has not yet responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 15 by frako, posted 06-29-2011 5:24 PM Rahvin has not yet responded

  
dwise1
Member
Posts: 3308
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 4.7


Message 5 of 1485 (621747)
06-28-2011 2:52 PM
Reply to: Message 1 by Dr Adequate
06-27-2011 11:39 PM


I'm sure that this is mainly a cultural thing, but every time I hear Sarah Palin speak all I can think of is the Weivoda Carpet Girl who in Grand Forks, ND, circa 1980 appeared in a series of the most irritating TV commercials ever. Her shrill voice, stream of rapid incomprehensible sales pitches, and stupid physical stunts on the forks of a moving forklift would have anyone grabbing for the remote, if only we had one in those days.

To have such a voice represent us in the world. Imagine the worldwide rush to launch a pre-emptive strike just in order to get rid of that noise.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 1 by Dr Adequate, posted 06-27-2011 11:39 PM Dr Adequate has not yet responded

    
subbie
Member (Idle past 34 days)
Posts: 3508
Joined: 02-26-2006


Message 6 of 1485 (621748)
06-28-2011 3:26 PM


Screwed up right out of the box
And look, Bachmann has already gotten her tit caught in a wringer. She got a Cease and Desist order from Tom Petty for using "American Girl" in her campaign. What a knob.


Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions. -- Thomas Jefferson

We see monsters where science shows us windmills. -- Phat

It has always struck me as odd that fundies devote so much time and effort into trying to find a naturalistic explanation for their mythical flood, while looking for magical explanations for things that actually happened. -- Dr. Adequate

...creationists have a great way to detect fraud and it doesn't take 8 or 40 years or even a scientific degree to spot the fraud--'if it disagrees with the bible then it is wrong'.... -- archaeologist


  
Larni
Member
Posts: 3975
From: Liverpool
Joined: 09-16-2005


Message 7 of 1485 (621749)
06-28-2011 3:39 PM
Reply to: Message 1 by Dr Adequate
06-27-2011 11:39 PM


Lol!

You're in a mischievous mood.

Move over, John Stewart.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 1 by Dr Adequate, posted 06-27-2011 11:39 PM Dr Adequate has not yet responded

    
Dr Adequate
Member
Posts: 16085
Joined: 07-20-2006
Member Rating: 10.0


Message 8 of 1485 (621757)
06-28-2011 6:00 PM
Reply to: Message 3 by ZenMonkey
06-28-2011 1:46 PM


Except for being so kind to Michelle Bachmann by playing down the fact that she's a crazy as a carnival run by crack-addicted chimpanzees, you seem to be right on target.

Don't knock the crack chimps, they're doing a good job with that carnival.

Some information on Bachmann. Golly, is she ever right about anything?

Edited by Dr Adequate, : No reason given.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 3 by ZenMonkey, posted 06-28-2011 1:46 PM ZenMonkey has not yet responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 9 by jar, posted 06-28-2011 6:18 PM Dr Adequate has not yet responded
 Message 11 by Trae, posted 06-29-2011 1:14 AM Dr Adequate has not yet responded

  
jar
Member
Posts: 30934
From: Texas!!
Joined: 04-20-2004


Message 9 of 1485 (621758)
06-28-2011 6:18 PM
Reply to: Message 8 by Dr Adequate
06-28-2011 6:00 PM


Michelle Bachmann should scare the hell outta any thinking person. She claims that God speaks to her and that she does what God tells her to do. That alone should be enough to terrify folk and to make the rest of the world consider a preemptive strike or at least embargo and sanctions against the US should she be elected.


Anyone so limited that they can only spell a word one way is severely handicapped!
This message is a reply to:
 Message 8 by Dr Adequate, posted 06-28-2011 6:00 PM Dr Adequate has not yet responded

  
Taq
Member
Posts: 7672
Joined: 03-06-2009
Member Rating: 2.5


Message 10 of 1485 (621767)
06-28-2011 8:41 PM


Every Democrat should register as a Republican and vote for Bachmann in the primaries for the simple reason of making the Daily Show and the Colbert Report that much better.

Edited by Taq, : No reason given.


  
Trae
Member (Idle past 2380 days)
Posts: 442
From: Fremont, CA, USA
Joined: 06-18-2004


Message 11 of 1485 (621794)
06-29-2011 1:14 AM
Reply to: Message 8 by Dr Adequate
06-28-2011 6:00 PM


Please dont post misleading information about Candidate Bachman. I checked your link and it shows your obvious liberal bias.
WASHINGTON (AP) Michele Bachmann's claim that she has "never gotten a penny" from a family farm that's been subsidized by the government is at odds with her financial disclosure statements. They show tens of thousands in personal income from the operation.

Only a liberal would think that a penny and thousands of dollars are the same thing.
And, on a less substantive note, she flubbed her hometown history when declaring "John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa," and "that's the kind of spirit that I have, too," in running for president.
The actor was born nearly 150 miles away. It was the serial killer John Wayne Gacy Jr. who lived, for a time, in Waterloo.

So she was right, John Wayne Gacy was from where she thought and she often speaks about all the kids shes taken in; while reports of Gacy talk about how Gacy took in kids.
This message is a reply to:
 Message 8 by Dr Adequate, posted 06-28-2011 6:00 PM Dr Adequate has not yet responded

  
onifre
Member (Idle past 1025 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 12 of 1485 (621806)
06-29-2011 2:43 AM
Reply to: Message 1 by Dr Adequate
06-27-2011 11:39 PM


Newt Gingrich. Noted for committing adultery while demanding that Bill Clinton should resign for ... what was it? Worshiping graven idols? Not keeping the Sabbath holy? Oh, I remember now, it was committing adultery.

That's how you draw attention from yourself when you're getting some strange -- you throw another dude under the bus.

Hey, don't hate the player hate the game.

Ron Paul. Engagingly crazy libertarian. Wants to repeal drug laws, abolish income tax, go back on the gold standard, have an isolationist foreign policy, and pretty much reduce the legitimate activities of the federal government to declaring war, which he wouldn't. A man of principles, most of them wrong, and completely unelectable by mainstream Republicans.

You had me at 'repeal drug laws'...

Noted for how fucking annoying his followers are.

You're an annoying follower!

- Oni


This message is a reply to:
 Message 1 by Dr Adequate, posted 06-27-2011 11:39 PM Dr Adequate has not yet responded

    
Jon
Inactive Member


Message 13 of 1485 (621940)
06-29-2011 4:56 PM


The only question is: What's on the other side of the fence?

Jon


Love your enemies!
Replies to this message:
 Message 14 by Rahvin, posted 06-29-2011 5:08 PM Jon has not yet responded
 Message 21 by Dr Adequate, posted 06-29-2011 7:13 PM Jon has not yet responded

  
Rahvin
Member (Idle past 1261 days)
Posts: 3964
Joined: 07-01-2005


Message 14 of 1485 (621946)
06-29-2011 5:08 PM
Reply to: Message 13 by Jon
06-29-2011 4:56 PM


The only question is: What's on the other side of the fence?

Nothing overly special, but at least marginally better than the clowns on the Republican side?

I mean really, we're talking about US politics here, a place where, according to Dr A, if you're named "Tim" you can never do anything significant in your life, but if you're named "Mitt" you can be President!

Yes, I used to write my name as "Mit" when I was first learning to write.

But seriously, we haven't had a good choice in a Presidential election in at least as long as I've been voting. The two major parties and the few 3rd party contenders able to get on a ballot all suck, just for somewhat different reasons. And the two majors are both solidly in the pocket of the wealthy; the difference is mainly that the Democrats will make at least a token attempt at representing and defending the lower- and middle-class while actual policy is largely decided by the oligarchs, while the Republicans gain their lower- and middle-class support through religious tribalism and let actual policy be directed by the oligarchs.

Obama was the first time I felt like I was voting for someone instead of against the other guy, but he's turned out to be such a massive disappointment (yes, Dr A and others, I believe you told us so) that 2012 looks to be back to the same old business as usual: vote Obama so that Bachman\Palin\Romney*\Paul\whatever other nutbar doesn't get the big job.

*Okay, so Romney at least isn't a nutbar in the way that those others are. But he's still a nutbar.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 13 by Jon, posted 06-29-2011 4:56 PM Jon has not yet responded

  
frako
Member
Posts: 2813
From: slovenija
Joined: 09-04-2010


Message 15 of 1485 (621957)
06-29-2011 5:24 PM
Reply to: Message 4 by Rahvin
06-28-2011 2:24 PM


Cmmon do you want the whole world to LOL

Here comes the commander and chief of the worlds most powerful military the president of the united states of America here comes TIMY!!


This message is a reply to:
 Message 4 by Rahvin, posted 06-28-2011 2:24 PM Rahvin has not yet responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 16 by jar, posted 06-29-2011 5:25 PM frako has responded
 Message 30 by anglagard, posted 07-01-2011 12:38 AM frako has not yet responded

    
1
23456
...
99NextFF
Newer Topic | Older Topic
Jump to:


Copyright 2001-2018 by EvC Forum, All Rights Reserved

™ Version 4.0 Beta
Innovative software from Qwixotic © 2019