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Author Topic:   Humour VII
ringo
Member (Idle past 412 days)
Posts: 20940
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005


(2)
Message 781 of 1042 (695143)
04-03-2013 12:28 PM


Once upon a time, before refrigeration was common, ice used to be delivered door to door.
One day, the horse-drawn ice wagon was coming down the street and the ice man was calling out, "Ice. Ice."
A lady called down from her second-floor apartment, "Send me up twenty pounds of ice." The horse stopped, unhitched himself from the wagon, went around to the back and got a twenty-pound block of ice, took it up the the second floor, got the money from the lady, came back down the stairs, gave the money to the ice man and hitched himself to the wagon again.
As they continued down the street, the ice man called out, "Ice. Ice."
Then a lady called down from her third-floor apartment, "Send me up thirty pounds of ice." The horse stopped, unhitched himself from the wagon, went around to the back and got a thirty-pound block of ice, took it up the the third floor, got the money from the lady, came back down the stairs, gave the money to the ice man and hitched himself to the wagon again.
As they continued down the street, the ice man called out, "Ice. Ice."
Then a lady called down from her fourth-floor apartment, "Send me up forty pounds of ice." The horse stopped, unhitched himself from the wagon, went around to the back and got a forty-pound block of ice, took it up the the fourth floor, got the money from the lady, came back down the stairs, gave the money to the ice man and hitched himself to the wagon again.
As they continued down the street, the ice man called out, "Ice. Ice."
Outside a saloon, the ice man pulled on the reins and the horse stopped and the ice man got down and went inside.
A passerby happened to overhear the horse muttering to himself, "I have to pull the wagon. When somebody wants some ice, I have to unhitch myself, get the ice, take it up the stairs, get the money, bring it back down and give it to the ice man and then hitch myself up again. Now he's sitting there in that cool saloon drinking cold beer while I have to stand out here in the hot sun and wait for him."
The passerby was amazed and said, "You can talk."
The horse glanced sideways at him and said, "Yes, I can talk."
The passerby asked, "Does your owner know you can talk?"
"Of course not," the horse retorted. "If he knew I could talk, he'd make me call out, 'Ice. Ice.'"

Dogmafood
Member (Idle past 349 days)
Posts: 1815
From: Ontario Canada
Joined: 08-04-2010


Message 782 of 1042 (695507)
04-06-2013 10:01 AM


Cluck cluck
If there is a God and this is a picture of the universe,
can we deduce that God must be some kind of egg laying bird?

Replies to this message:
 Message 783 by New Cat's Eye, posted 04-06-2013 1:57 PM Dogmafood has seen this message but not replied

New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member


(1)
Message 783 of 1042 (695526)
04-06-2013 1:57 PM
Reply to: Message 782 by Dogmafood
04-06-2013 10:01 AM


Re: Cluck cluck
can we deduce that God must be some kind of egg laying bird?
It is more likely a rabbit.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 782 by Dogmafood, posted 04-06-2013 10:01 AM Dogmafood has seen this message but not replied

Omnivorous
Member
Posts: 3978
From: Adirondackia
Joined: 07-21-2005
Member Rating: 7.3


(2)
Message 784 of 1042 (696959)
04-19-2013 8:25 PM


Omigod I'm posting a cat video...
Personally, I used mute.
Pretty cool though.

"If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you can collect a lot of heads."

ringo
Member (Idle past 412 days)
Posts: 20940
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005


Message 785 of 1042 (697513)
04-26-2013 1:31 PM


A travelling salesman stopped at a farm to ask directions. "What's the quickest way back to the city?" he asked.
"I dunno," the farmer replied.
'"Well, how can I get to the highway?" the salesman asked.
"I dunno," the farmer replied.
"Well, can you at least tell me where this road goes?" the salesman asked.
"I dunno," the farmer repeated.
Exasperated, the salesman muttered, "You don't know much, do you?"
"Mebbe not," the farmer admitted, "but I ain't the one that's lost."

Replies to this message:
 Message 786 by onifre, posted 04-27-2013 9:52 AM ringo has seen this message but not replied
 Message 787 by Omnivorous, posted 04-27-2013 10:49 AM ringo has seen this message but not replied

onifre
Member (Idle past 2951 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 786 of 1042 (697543)
04-27-2013 9:52 AM
Reply to: Message 785 by ringo
04-26-2013 1:31 PM


"Mebbe not," the farmer admitted, "but I ain't the one that's lost."
Maybe he is. How would he know?
- Oni

This message is a reply to:
 Message 785 by ringo, posted 04-26-2013 1:31 PM ringo has seen this message but not replied

Replies to this message:
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Omnivorous
Member
Posts: 3978
From: Adirondackia
Joined: 07-21-2005
Member Rating: 7.3


(1)
Message 787 of 1042 (697544)
04-27-2013 10:49 AM
Reply to: Message 785 by ringo
04-26-2013 1:31 PM


That reminds me of a similar city-country exchange.
The city fella concludes, "Well, you're a pretty ignorant fella. You lived here all your life?"
"Not yet."

"If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you can collect a lot of heads."

This message is a reply to:
 Message 785 by ringo, posted 04-26-2013 1:31 PM ringo has seen this message but not replied

Omnivorous
Member
Posts: 3978
From: Adirondackia
Joined: 07-21-2005
Member Rating: 7.3


(1)
Message 788 of 1042 (697545)
04-27-2013 10:49 AM
Reply to: Message 786 by onifre
04-27-2013 9:52 AM


If you're happy where you are, you aren't lost.

"If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you can collect a lot of heads."

This message is a reply to:
 Message 786 by onifre, posted 04-27-2013 9:52 AM onifre has not replied

Shield
Member (Idle past 2862 days)
Posts: 482
Joined: 01-29-2008


Message 789 of 1042 (697549)
04-27-2013 1:14 PM


Goats

Dr Adequate
Member (Idle past 285 days)
Posts: 16113
Joined: 07-20-2006


(2)
Message 790 of 1042 (698942)
05-10-2013 11:31 PM



Dr Adequate
Member (Idle past 285 days)
Posts: 16113
Joined: 07-20-2006


Message 791 of 1042 (699049)
05-13-2013 9:35 PM


Oh, Republicans, You Are Funny
While voters overall may think Congress’ focus should be elsewhere there’s no doubt about how mad Republicans are about Benghazi. 41% say they consider this to be the biggest political scandal in American history to only 43% who disagree with that sentiment. Only 10% of Democrats and 20% of independents share that feeling. Republicans think by a 74/19 margin than Benghazi is a worse political scandal than Watergate, by a 74/12 margin that it’s worse than Teapot Dome, and by a 70/20 margin that it’s worse than Iran Contra.
One interesting thing about the voters who think Benghazi is the biggest political scandal in American history is that 39% of them don’t actually know where it is. 10% think it’s in Egypt, 9% in Iran, 6% in Cuba, 5% in Syria, 4% in Iraq, and 1% each in North Korea and Liberia with 4% not willing to venture a guess.

Replies to this message:
 Message 792 by Coyote, posted 05-13-2013 9:45 PM Dr Adequate has replied
 Message 861 by Dr Adequate, posted 08-21-2013 12:58 PM Dr Adequate has not replied

Coyote
Member (Idle past 2106 days)
Posts: 6117
Joined: 01-12-2008


Message 792 of 1042 (699050)
05-13-2013 9:45 PM
Reply to: Message 791 by Dr Adequate
05-13-2013 9:35 PM


Re: Oh, Republicans, You Are Funny
So which parts of the politically-inspired inaction, leading to four deaths, and the subsequent cover-up because of an impending election do you see as being acceptable? Or funny?
You may start a new thread if you like, as this topic does not fit "Humor" other than perhaps, "Laugh It Up, Fuzzball!"
Edited by Coyote, : No reason given.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 791 by Dr Adequate, posted 05-13-2013 9:35 PM Dr Adequate has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 793 by Dr Adequate, posted 05-13-2013 9:50 PM Coyote has seen this message but not replied
 Message 794 by Shield, posted 05-13-2013 9:55 PM Coyote has replied
 Message 800 by ringo, posted 05-14-2013 1:32 PM Coyote has not replied

Dr Adequate
Member (Idle past 285 days)
Posts: 16113
Joined: 07-20-2006


Message 793 of 1042 (699051)
05-13-2013 9:50 PM
Reply to: Message 792 by Coyote
05-13-2013 9:45 PM


Re: Oh, Republicans, You Are Funny
The thing I thought was funny was the thing I posted.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 792 by Coyote, posted 05-13-2013 9:45 PM Coyote has seen this message but not replied

Shield
Member (Idle past 2862 days)
Posts: 482
Joined: 01-29-2008


Message 794 of 1042 (699053)
05-13-2013 9:55 PM
Reply to: Message 792 by Coyote
05-13-2013 9:45 PM


Re: Oh, Republicans, You Are Funny
Cover-up of what, exactly?

This message is a reply to:
 Message 792 by Coyote, posted 05-13-2013 9:45 PM Coyote has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 795 by Dr Adequate, posted 05-13-2013 10:04 PM Shield has seen this message but not replied
 Message 796 by Coyote, posted 05-13-2013 10:04 PM Shield has seen this message but not replied

Dr Adequate
Member (Idle past 285 days)
Posts: 16113
Joined: 07-20-2006


(1)
Message 795 of 1042 (699057)
05-13-2013 10:04 PM
Reply to: Message 794 by Shield
05-13-2013 9:55 PM


Re: Oh, Republicans, You Are Funny
Cover-up of what, exactly?
He doesn't know, it's been covered up. But we know that there was a cover-up, because why else is there no evidence of malfeasance? Answer me that.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 794 by Shield, posted 05-13-2013 9:55 PM Shield has seen this message but not replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 803 by Omnivorous, posted 05-15-2013 6:26 PM Dr Adequate has not replied

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