o far I think the main objection to my points are 1. That I should use less words.
Its nice to have a concise point that is made up front, and then have all the supporting to stuff to read while you already know what the person is getting at. Kinda like a scientific paper having an abstract.
Its a lot harder for me to get meaning out of your words if I don't really know where you're going with them already.
This can also be accomplished with a good title.