|
Author
|
Topic: Humour VIII
|
ringo
Member (Idle past 437 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined: 03-23-2005
|
quote:
"If murder wasn't fun they wouldn't have to make it illegal."
Or, as I sometimes tell people who don't like their jobs, "If work was fun they wouldn't have to pay you. They'd have people waiting in line to pay to do it." When people ask me if I like my job I tell them it's like a ride at Disneyland.
| Replies to this message: | | | Message 250 by New Cat's Eye, posted 10-03-2014 2:35 PM | | ringo has seen this message but not replied |
|
ringo
Member (Idle past 437 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined: 03-23-2005
|
|
Message 259 of 1450 (740616)
11-06-2014 11:37 AM
|
|
|
The Gospel [Theatrical Trailer]
Mary: Oh my God! Oh my God ohmyGod ohmyGodohmyGodohmyGod... ***
Wise Guy: I told you we should have turned left at Babylon. ***
Cow: Mooo. ***
Mary: Shut the door. Were you born in a barn?
Jesus: Yes I was. Don't you remember? You were there. ***
Joseph: Remember, measure twice, cut once.
Jesus: But I'm infallible.
Joseph: I'll infallible you...! ***
Jesus: Screw this. I'm going fishing. ***
Jesus: Here's mud in your eye.
Drunk: I think I'm blind. ***
Mary: I don't care if it is your day off. Clean up those damn palm leaves. ***
Pilate: Let's see... Practicing medicine without a license, making wine without a license, assaulting a moneychanger. You've been a bad boy, haven't you? ***
Jesus: You're going to need bigger nails than that. Trust me. ***
Guard: Shut that door! Are you trying to heat all of Jerusalem? ***
Centurion: What do you mean you lost a corpse? I'll have you pounding a beat in Londinium. ***
Jesus: Yeah, I had a hell of a weekend. I really got hammered.
Thomas: You'd better get a tetanus shot. ***
Jesus: I'll be right back.
|
ringo
Member (Idle past 437 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined: 03-23-2005
|
|
|
Message 269 of 1450 (745850)
12-28-2014 1:39 PM
|
Reply to: Message 268 by Theodoric
12-28-2014 10:14 AM
|
|
Re: the ultimate existential game
Theodoric writes: This cartoon will not help me enjoy it any more.
Not even if you play it like Sartre?
quote:
"Camus can do but Sartre is smartre." -- Jay Sherman
| This message is a reply to: | | | Message 268 by Theodoric, posted 12-28-2014 10:14 AM | | Theodoric has replied |
|
ringo
Member (Idle past 437 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined: 03-23-2005
(1)
| |
| |
| |
|
|
Message 271 of 1450 (745854)
12-28-2014 2:01 PM
|
Reply to: Message 270 by Theodoric
12-28-2014 1:53 PM
|
|
Re: the ultimate existential game
Theodoric writes: Probably best not to play that way with a 5 year old. It is tough enough getting him to follow rules.
So it's the 5-year-olds who play like Sartre.
quote:
Mark 10:15 Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein.
| This message is a reply to: | | | Message 270 by Theodoric, posted 12-28-2014 1:53 PM | | Theodoric has not replied |
|
ringo
Member (Idle past 437 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined: 03-23-2005
|
(1)
| |
| |
| |
|
|
Message 279 of 1450 (748402)
01-25-2015 1:33 PM
|
Reply to: Message 278 by AZPaul3
01-24-2015 8:58 PM
|
|
AZPaul3 writes: OK, you’re watching your favorite football team (American football) when one of the zebras throws his little yellow hankie.
I stopped reading at the zebra on the field. It isn't going to get any funnier than that. 
| This message is a reply to: | | | Message 278 by AZPaul3, posted 01-24-2015 8:58 PM | | AZPaul3 has seen this message but not replied |
|
ringo
Member (Idle past 437 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined: 03-23-2005
|
(1)
| |
| |
| |
Re: The answer is in Genesis
Moose writes: Which brings up the question, why is the moon sometimes doing a less than full effort, or even totally on vacation from its "night ruling"?
Maybe it just has a loonie sense of humour.
| This message is a reply to: | | | Message 282 by Minnemooseus, posted 01-31-2015 10:24 PM | | Minnemooseus has seen this message but not replied |
|
ringo
Member (Idle past 437 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined: 03-23-2005
|
(1)
| |
| |
| |
|
|
Message 301 of 1450 (753374)
03-19-2015 1:06 PM
|
Reply to: Message 296 by RAZD
03-07-2015 6:08 PM
|
|
Re: Next, time to assemble the crosses ...
The railroads could have saved some money using those for ties.
| This message is a reply to: | | | Message 296 by RAZD, posted 03-07-2015 6:08 PM | | RAZD has seen this message but not replied |
|
ringo
Member (Idle past 437 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined: 03-23-2005
|
If Christians are speaking "God's language", where are all the thees and thous?
| This message is a reply to: | | | Message 312 by Dr Adequate, posted 04-07-2015 11:04 AM | | Dr Adequate has not replied |
|
ringo
Member (Idle past 437 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined: 03-23-2005
|
(2)
| |
| |
| |
Re: Zach Wiener Wrote Another Novella
Omnivorous writes: So no good deed goes unpunished.
Karma is komplicated.
| This message is a reply to: | | | Message 332 by Omnivorous, posted 05-20-2015 5:04 PM | | Omnivorous has seen this message but not replied |
|
ringo
Member (Idle past 437 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined: 03-23-2005
|
(1)
| |
| |
| |
|
|
Message 366 of 1450 (769105)
09-16-2015 3:42 PM
|
Reply to: Message 365 by RAZD
09-16-2015 2:40 PM
|
|
Re: Gullible
That gullibility line might have been drawn by Escher or Mobius.
| This message is a reply to: | | | Message 365 by RAZD, posted 09-16-2015 2:40 PM | | RAZD has seen this message but not replied |
|
ringo
Member (Idle past 437 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined: 03-23-2005
|
(1)
| |
| |
| |
|
|
Message 372 of 1450 (770093)
09-29-2015 12:14 PM
|
Reply to: Message 371 by AZPaul3
09-28-2015 5:51 PM
|
|
A travelling salesman stopped at a farm. He was standing in the yard talking to the farmer when a tractor went past, driven by a pig. It went into a shed and a minute later the pig came out and went into the house. The salesman scratched his head. "Did I just see what I thought I saw? A pig driving a tractor?" The farmer replied, "Oh, yeah. He runs all of the equipment. He does all of the repairs and maintenance too. He even does the books for the farm." The salesman was mystified. "By the way, I happened to notice that he has a wooden leg." "Yeah..." the farmer mused, "When you have a good pig like that you don't want to eat him all at once."
| This message is a reply to: | | | Message 371 by AZPaul3, posted 09-28-2015 5:51 PM | | AZPaul3 has seen this message but not replied |
|
ringo
Member (Idle past 437 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined: 03-23-2005
|
(1)
| |
| |
| |
|
|
Message 373 of 1450 (770217)
10-01-2015 1:04 PM
|
|
|
Random poster responding to an uncharacteristically long post by ringo: "I didn't think you knew that many words." ringo: "I used some of them twice."
|
ringo
Member (Idle past 437 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined: 03-23-2005
|
(2)
| |
| |
| |
|
|
Message 383 of 1450 (771136)
10-21-2015 11:58 AM
|
Reply to: Message 381 by Porosity
10-21-2015 11:35 AM
|
|
When God was creating the world, one of the angels came to Him and said, "I'm afraid we're running short of hearts and brains but we have plenty of assholes." And behold, God created Republicans.
| This message is a reply to: | | | Message 381 by Porosity, posted 10-21-2015 11:35 AM | | Porosity has not replied |
| Replies to this message: | | | Message 384 by Diomedes, posted 10-26-2015 2:43 PM | | ringo has seen this message but not replied |
|
ringo
Member (Idle past 437 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined: 03-23-2005
|
(2)
| |
| |
| |
|
|
Message 404 of 1450 (773348)
11-30-2015 10:51 AM
|
Reply to: Message 402 by Coyote
11-29-2015 10:50 PM
|
|
Re: not really funny but ...
Humour is often based on a bizarre response to a relatively ordinary situation - e.g. "If she weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood and she's a witch." You have achieved humour.
| This message is a reply to: | | | Message 402 by Coyote, posted 11-29-2015 10:50 PM | | Coyote has not replied |
|
ringo
Member (Idle past 437 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined: 03-23-2005
|
|
|
Message 448 of 1450 (777443)
01-31-2016 1:57 PM
|
Reply to: Message 447 by AZPaul3
01-30-2016 5:41 PM
|
|
Actually, the Blues Brothers did need four fried chickens and a Coke - and some dry white toast.
| This message is a reply to: | | | Message 447 by AZPaul3, posted 01-30-2016 5:41 PM | | AZPaul3 has seen this message but not replied |
|
™ Version 4.2