I found that people disagreed with little details of my creed. It made me very mad indeed; I took the very dimmest view. I wondered: What Would Jesus Do?
To imitate the Son of Man I came up with a subtle plan that fit the situation well: consulting my (extensive) notes on who are sheep, and who are goats, I damned the latter all to Hell; 'cos that, if all I've read is true is just what Jesus plans to do.
Though others laughed and thought it odd I publicly and loudly claimed to speak on the behalf of God and who can say I should be blamed? --- for as you see, I took my cue from things that Jesus used to do.
I told them what the Lord approved and who it was he faulted; which people he would like removed and which (like me) exalted, 'cos this, as I am sure you knew, is just what Jesus used to do.
I beat them with a whip (or thong) to show them they were in the wrong; perhaps you think my actions mean, but as it says in verse 15 of St. John's Gospel, chapter 2, that's just what Jesus used to do.
As you'll have guessed (I think it's plain) I write in a sarcastic strain. My moral, as I should explain to readers who are dim, is this: feel free to wonder What Would Jesus Do, but if you're not the Godhead incarnate as man, just try to do the best you can, but don't behave like him.
Well, any suggestions? Most of the poem is just basically a list of stuff that Jesus did that wouldn't go well if I did it. A list, not an argument building to a conclusion, or a joke working up to a punchline, or a narrative with a beginning, a middle and an end. I can't just stop when I run out of things to put on the list, it has to have a coda saying, well, something, or the poem would look, and indeed be, unfinished. (Quite a lot of my poems are in effect lists, this is a problem I have faced before.)
And the cartoon doesn't say so. The joke is that this is proposed as one more way that God could miraculously prove his existence, and then they laugh because making religious people follow the commandments of their religions would be too big a miracle even for God.
Don't assume God considers things. If you think He might be in there, or out there, just try to find Him. When you do get a response, it will blow your mind. Experiencing the spiritual side really changes the religious one. But you do have to try.
= "If thinking about God gives you special feelings, you can temporarily ignore everything that's wrong with the concept."