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Author Topic:   Humour VIII
Tangle
Member
Posts: 8481
From: UK
Joined: 10-07-2011
Member Rating: 2.5


Message 76 of 1389 (719526)
02-14-2014 6:19 PM
Reply to: Message 75 by Theodoric
02-14-2014 5:39 PM


Re: Did you know...
And just for the purposes of rigorous scientific enquiry, I did the other thing too. That might have been a mistake but maybe someone would like to try to replicate our findings.

Life, don't talk to me about life - Marvin the Paranoid Android

This message is a reply to:
 Message 75 by Theodoric, posted 02-14-2014 5:39 PM Theodoric has replied

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Theodoric
Member
Posts: 7309
From: Northwest, WI, USA
Joined: 08-15-2005
Member Rating: 3.0


(1)
Message 77 of 1389 (719527)
02-14-2014 6:23 PM
Reply to: Message 76 by Tangle
02-14-2014 6:19 PM


Re: Did you know...
Well it is well known that ANYONE can poo their pants.

Reminds me of the best restroom graffiti ever.

"Anyone can piss on the floor be a real man and shit on the ceiling."


Facts don't lie or have an agenda. Facts are just facts

"God did it" is not an argument. It is an excuse for intellectual laziness.


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Modulous
Member (Idle past 1335 days)
Posts: 7789
From: Manchester, UK
Joined: 05-01-2005


Message 78 of 1389 (719531)
02-14-2014 7:24 PM
Reply to: Message 76 by Tangle
02-14-2014 6:19 PM


Re: Did you know...

This message is a reply to:
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Coragyps
Member
Posts: 5553
From: Snyder, Texas, USA
Joined: 11-12-2002


(1)
Message 79 of 1389 (719532)
02-14-2014 7:26 PM
Reply to: Message 77 by Theodoric
02-14-2014 6:23 PM


Re: Did you know...
An excellent grafitto, yes - but I say it is beaten by one on a condom dispenser in a truck stop in Buffalo, Texas: "Tarp your load!"

This message is a reply to:
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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5061
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 2.7


Message 80 of 1389 (719533)
02-14-2014 7:42 PM
Reply to: Message 79 by Coragyps
02-14-2014 7:26 PM


Re: Did you know...
An excellent grafitto, yes - but I say it is beaten by one on a condom dispenser in a truck stop in Buffalo, Texas: "Tarp your load!"

OK, now I can share this one.

On the local NPR radio station, at 7PM "All Things Considered" is followed by "Which Way, L.A.?". Tuesday, they were covering a new health ordinance that required the wearing of sterile latex gloves when preparing raw edible food, but the way it was written it also requires the food preparer to don a new pair of gloves for each plate. So if you're preparing 100 plates, you'd have to take off the gloves and put on a fresh pair before moving on to the next plate, which means you had to do that 100 times. For many reasons, food preparers and restauranteurs are protesting the ordinance.

One restauranteur who also works in the kitchen, a woman (restaurantess?), was being interviewed for the program. After describing the impracticalities of the ordinance and the waste and the breaking of the preparer's concentration, etc, she went on to describe how handling food is a sensual experience and how the feel of the food communicates a lot of information to her regarding the amount of seasoning, etc -- having worked in carpentry where we relied a lot on the feel of the wood, I understand what she's saying.

But there was just something about the way that she said that when she has to wear gloves (AKA "protection"), she doesn't like it because it doesn't feel the same, that made me retort, "Well! Now you know how we guys feel!"

Edited by dwise1, : "-esse" vs "-ess". For some reason, I had shifted to French mode.

Edited by dwise1, : "she doesn't like it because"


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ringo
Member
Posts: 19519
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005
Member Rating: 2.8


Message 81 of 1389 (719579)
02-15-2014 10:41 AM
Reply to: Message 80 by dwise1
02-14-2014 7:42 PM


Re: Did you know...
dwiseguy writes:

One restauranteur who also works in the kitchen, a woman (restaurantess?)....


Restauranteuse.

This message is a reply to:
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ramoss
Member
Posts: 3225
Joined: 08-11-2004


(4)
Message 82 of 1389 (719872)
02-18-2014 10:38 PM



  
Tangle
Member
Posts: 8481
From: UK
Joined: 10-07-2011
Member Rating: 2.5


(1)
Message 83 of 1389 (720276)
02-21-2014 10:43 AM


THE SHOEBOX

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents.
'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two Precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two Times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with Happiness.

'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'

'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

A Prayer
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods;
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death,
Because I don't have the freaking time to crochet.


Life, don't talk to me about life - Marvin the Paranoid Android
"Science adjusts it's views based on what's observed.

Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved."
- Tim Minchin, in his beat poem, Storm.


  
dronestar
Member
Posts: 1394
From: usa
Joined: 11-19-2008


Message 84 of 1389 (720279)
02-21-2014 10:54 AM


One Rich Guy Owns Everything . . .

Edited by dronester, : (Why do my links always disappear, and then I have to re-upload new ones?)


  
frako
Member
Posts: 2932
From: slovenija
Joined: 09-04-2010


(1)
Message 85 of 1389 (720432)
02-23-2014 11:28 AM


poor Christians always persecuted


Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand

What are the Christians gonna do to me ..... Forgive me, good luck with that.


  
ringo
Member
Posts: 19519
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005
Member Rating: 2.8


(1)
Message 86 of 1389 (720741)
02-27-2014 11:19 AM


Little-known factoids:

Circumcision originated as an early step in equality for women - because men had foreskins and women only had one.

It was soon discovered that you could remove foreskins instead of three and still have one left, which led to the invention of creative accounting.

On a similar note, we have forefathers but only one mother. However, no way has been found to remove forefathers, or even three.


  
Shield
Member (Idle past 2093 days)
Posts: 482
Joined: 01-29-2008


Message 87 of 1389 (720931)
02-28-2014 4:55 PM



  
RAZD
Member (Idle past 636 days)
Posts: 20714
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004


Message 88 of 1389 (720964)
03-01-2014 5:01 PM


Another straw man argument ...


we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
Rebel American Zen Deist
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
to share.


• • • Join the effort to solve medical problems, AIDS/HIV, Cancer and more with Team EvC! (click) • • •

Replies to this message:
 Message 89 by frako, posted 03-02-2014 7:13 AM RAZD has seen this message
 Message 93 by Theodoric, posted 03-03-2014 10:20 AM RAZD has seen this message

  
frako
Member
Posts: 2932
From: slovenija
Joined: 09-04-2010


Message 89 of 1389 (720990)
03-02-2014 7:13 AM
Reply to: Message 88 by RAZD
03-01-2014 5:01 PM


Re: Another straw man argument ...
It would have been even more funny if it was real Him being smashed cut, and dead

Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand

What are the Christians gonna do to me ..... Forgive me, good luck with that.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 88 by RAZD, posted 03-01-2014 5:01 PM RAZD has seen this message

  
RAZD
Member (Idle past 636 days)
Posts: 20714
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004


Message 90 of 1389 (721025)
03-02-2014 10:28 PM


not so much a joke as a way to have a good time
mellow

keep a couple on hand ...

Edited by RAZD, : img


we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
Rebel American Zen Deist
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
to share.


• • • Join the effort to solve medical problems, AIDS/HIV, Cancer and more with Team EvC! (click) • • •

Replies to this message:
 Message 94 by ringo, posted 03-03-2014 10:54 AM RAZD has seen this message
 Message 95 by xongsmith, posted 03-03-2014 11:58 AM RAZD has seen this message

  
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