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Author Topic:   Humour VIII
kjsimons
Member
Posts: 665
From: Orlando,FL
Joined: 06-17-2003


(2)
Message 946 of 967 (849684)
03-17-2019 7:07 PM
Reply to: Message 945 by Theodoric
03-17-2019 5:37 PM


Re: Nincompooperance
This is the link that should work:

https://scontent.ftpa1-2.fna.fbcdn.net/...485726724096_n.jpg


This message is a reply to:
 Message 945 by Theodoric, posted 03-17-2019 5:37 PM Theodoric has not yet responded

  
ProtoTypical
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Posts: 1786
From: Ontario Canada
Joined: 08-04-2010
Member Rating: 8.2


(4)
Message 947 of 967 (849729)
03-19-2019 9:09 PM



  
dwise1
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Posts: 3405
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 8.6


(3)
Message 948 of 967 (849960)
03-27-2019 2:40 PM


I just came across this one:

quote:

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"

"Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.



Replies to this message:
 Message 949 by Theodoric, posted 03-28-2019 9:57 AM dwise1 has responded

    
Theodoric
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Posts: 6040
From: Northwest, WI, USA
Joined: 08-15-2005
Member Rating: 4.2


Message 949 of 967 (849997)
03-28-2019 9:57 AM
Reply to: Message 948 by dwise1
03-27-2019 2:40 PM


This is an old Emo Phillips joke. I think it has been called the funniest religion joke of all time.
Here is the full bit.

Found a post where he talks about the joke. Here are also some of his other religion jokes.

https://www.theguardian.com/...e/2005/sep/29/comedy.religion

When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised, the Lord doesn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked Him to forgive me ... and I got it!

· So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon."

· A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, "A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits." He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ..."

· I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.

· When I was a kid my dad would say, "Emo, do you believe in the Lord?" I'd say, "Yes!" He'd say, "Then stand up and shout Hallelujah!" So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster


Facts don't lie or have an agenda. Facts are just facts

"God did it" is not an argument. It is an excuse for intellectual laziness.

If your viewpoint has merits and facts to back it up why would you have to lie?


This message is a reply to:
 Message 948 by dwise1, posted 03-27-2019 2:40 PM dwise1 has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 950 by dwise1, posted 03-28-2019 10:11 AM Theodoric has not yet responded

    
dwise1
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Posts: 3405
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 8.6


(4)
Message 950 of 967 (849998)
03-28-2019 10:11 AM
Reply to: Message 949 by Theodoric
03-28-2019 9:57 AM


So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon."

One place I worked had art on all the hallways. One long hallway had paintings of cetaceans. When giving someone directions, we referred to that as "the whaling wall."


This message is a reply to:
 Message 949 by Theodoric, posted 03-28-2019 9:57 AM Theodoric has not yet responded

    
Phat
Member
Posts: 12254
From: Denver,Colorado USA
Joined: 12-30-2003
Member Rating: 1.4


Message 951 of 967 (850001)
03-28-2019 10:19 AM


Alexa! STOP!!
This is hilarious. Anyone who owns an Amazon Echo Smart Speaker will understand the humor!

Edited by Phat, : No reason given.


Chance as a real force is a myth. It has no basis in reality and no place in scientific inquiry. For science and philosophy to continue to advance in knowledge, chance must be demythologized once and for all. ~RC Sproul
"A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." ~Mark Twain "
~"If that's not sufficient for you go soak your head."~Faith

You can "get answers" by watching the ducks. That doesn't mean the answers are coming from them.~Ringo

Subjectivism may very well undermine Christianity.
In the same way that "allowing people to choose what they want to be when they grow up" undermines communism.
~Stile


  
Dr Adequate
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Posts: 16093
Joined: 07-20-2006
Member Rating: 9.1


(3)
Message 952 of 967 (850039)
03-29-2019 11:50 AM



  
RAZD
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Posts: 19818
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004
Member Rating: 10.0


(3)
Message 953 of 967 (850062)
03-30-2019 7:22 AM


Ven you are here
Found on Facebook

Enjoy


we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
RebelAmerican☆Zen☯Deist
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
to share.


Join the effort to solve medical problems, AIDS/HIV, Cancer and more with Team EvC! (click)

  
JonF
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Posts: 4560
Joined: 06-23-2003
Member Rating: 4.7


(3)
Message 954 of 967 (850110)
03-31-2019 4:36 PM


More at http://shewhoseeks.blogspot.com/...tin-foil-hat-contest.html.


  
Tanypteryx
Member
Posts: 2063
From: Oregon, USA
Joined: 08-27-2006
Member Rating: 8.6


(3)
Message 955 of 967 (850373)
04-06-2019 8:02 PM


Windmill Cancer
Windmill Cancer

Laughter is the best cure for this scourge.


What if Eleanor Roosevelt had wings? -- Monty Python

One important characteristic of a theory is that is has survived repeated attempts to falsify it. Contrary to your understanding, all available evidence confirms it. --Subbie

If evolution is shown to be false, it will be at the hands of things that are true, not made up. --percy

The reason that we have the scientific method is because common sense isn't reliable. -- Taq


    
Tangle
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Posts: 6745
From: UK
Joined: 10-07-2011
Member Rating: 5.4


(2)
Message 956 of 967 (850881)
04-16-2019 8:39 AM



Je suis Charlie. Je suis Ahmed. Je suis Juif. Je suis Parisien. I am Mancunian. I am Brum. I am London.I am Finland. Soy Barcelona

"Life, don't talk to me about life" - Marvin the Paranoid Android

"Science adjusts it's views based on what's observed.
Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved."
- Tim Minchin, in his beat poem, Storm.


  
dwise1
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Posts: 3405
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 8.6


(2)
Message 957 of 967 (851113)
04-19-2019 4:47 PM


It's a Long Way from Amphioxus
I first encountered this song decades ago in an issue of C/E Newsletter as one that biology and paleontology students would sing on the bus to field work. It's sung to the tune of "It's A Long Way to Tipparary" and was written by Philip H. Pope in 1921.

Amphioxus, AKA "lancelets", is a chordate, but is not quite fully vertebrate having a notocord instead of a spine.

I got these lyrics from https://bscd.uchicago.edu/content/long-way-amphioxus:

quote:

"It's a Long Way from Amphioxus" was originally recorded by Sam Hilton and is the official theme song for the Biological Sciences Collegiate Division at The University of Chicago.


A fish-like thing appeared among the annelids one day.
It hadn't any parapods nor setae to display.
It hadn't any eyes nor jaws, nor ventral nervous cord,
But it had a lot of gill slits and it had a notochord.

It's a long way from Amphioxus, It's a long way to us.
It's a long way from Amphioxus to the meanest human cuss.
Well, it's goodbye to fins and gill slits, and it's welcome lungs and hair!
It's a long, long way from Amphioxus, but we all came from there.

It wasn't much to look at and it scarce knew how to swim,
And Nereis was very sure it hadn't come from him.
The mollusks wouldn't own it and the arthropods got sore,
So the poor thing had to burrow in the sand along the shore.

He burrowed in the sand before a crab could nip his tail,
And he said "Gill slits and myotomes are all to no avail.
I've grown some metapleural folds and sport an oral hood,
But all these fine new characters don't do me any good.

It's a long way from Amphioxus, It's a long way to us.
It's a long way from Amphioxus to the meanest human cuss.
Well, it's goodbye to fins and gill slits, and it's welcome lungs and hair!
It's a long, long way from Amphioxus, but we all came from there.

He sulked awhile down in the sand without a bit of pep,
Then he stiffened up his notochord and said, "I'll beat 'em yet!
Let 'em laugh and show their ignorance. I don't mind their jeers.
Just wait until they see me in a hundred million years.

My notochord shall turn into a chain of vertebrae
And as fins my metapleural folds will agitate the sea.
My tiny dorsal nervous cord will be a mighty brain
And the vertebrates shall dominate the animal domain.

It's a long way from Amphioxus, It's a long way to us.
It's a long way from Amphioxus to the meanest human cuss.
Well, it's goodbye to fins and gill slits, and it's welcome lungs and hair!
It's a long, long way from Amphioxus, but we all came from there.



There are a number of performances of the song on YouTube, such as this one:

Edited by dwise1, : name correction


    
Theodoric
Member
Posts: 6040
From: Northwest, WI, USA
Joined: 08-15-2005
Member Rating: 4.2


(1)
Message 958 of 967 (851231)
04-21-2019 9:20 AM


Rare Easter joke
There are not many Easter jokes. Sorry if I have posted this here in years past.

I hear they cancelled Easter. They found the body.


Facts don't lie or have an agenda. Facts are just facts

"God did it" is not an argument. It is an excuse for intellectual laziness.

If your viewpoint has merits and facts to back it up why would you have to lie?


Replies to this message:
 Message 959 by Phat, posted 04-21-2019 10:19 AM Theodoric has not yet responded

    
Phat
Member
Posts: 12254
From: Denver,Colorado USA
Joined: 12-30-2003
Member Rating: 1.4


Message 959 of 967 (851232)
04-21-2019 10:19 AM
Reply to: Message 958 by Theodoric
04-21-2019 9:20 AM


Re: Rare Easter joke
It's funny since to me it's so laughable that they would ever find the body.

Jesus is Alive! Eternally.

But lest we leave Resurrection Sunday without humor, I propose this:


Chance as a real force is a myth. It has no basis in reality and no place in scientific inquiry. For science and philosophy to continue to advance in knowledge, chance must be demythologized once and for all. ~RC Sproul
"A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." ~Mark Twain "
~"If that's not sufficient for you go soak your head."~Faith

You can "get answers" by watching the ducks. That doesn't mean the answers are coming from them.~Ringo

Subjectivism may very well undermine Christianity.
In the same way that "allowing people to choose what they want to be when they grow up" undermines communism.
~Stile


This message is a reply to:
 Message 958 by Theodoric, posted 04-21-2019 9:20 AM Theodoric has not yet responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 962 by ringo, posted 04-21-2019 2:13 PM Phat has acknowledged this reply

  
Phat
Member
Posts: 12254
From: Denver,Colorado USA
Joined: 12-30-2003
Member Rating: 1.4


Message 960 of 967 (851235)
04-21-2019 10:27 AM


Easter Humor Continued

I rather like that one.


Chance as a real force is a myth. It has no basis in reality and no place in scientific inquiry. For science and philosophy to continue to advance in knowledge, chance must be demythologized once and for all. ~RC Sproul
"A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." ~Mark Twain "
~"If that's not sufficient for you go soak your head."~Faith

You can "get answers" by watching the ducks. That doesn't mean the answers are coming from them.~Ringo

Subjectivism may very well undermine Christianity.
In the same way that "allowing people to choose what they want to be when they grow up" undermines communism.
~Stile


Replies to this message:
 Message 961 by dwise1, posted 04-21-2019 11:31 AM Phat has acknowledged this reply
 Message 964 by Theodoric, posted 04-21-2019 10:05 PM Phat has responded

  
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