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Author Topic:   Humour VIII
Tanypteryx
Member
Posts: 3296
From: Oregon, USA
Joined: 08-27-2006
Member Rating: 3.2


(1)
Message 1336 of 1389 (893031)
03-23-2022 1:55 PM


Trump Media
I just noticed today that the Turd still hasn't posted on his new social media app that Russian Operative Nunes is managing for him. It's interesting observing that claiming he is accomplishing something (like a well oiled machine) is not as effective as actually accomplishing something. Surrounding himself with other incompetents has humorous outcomes.

What if Eleanor Roosevelt had wings? -- Monty Python

One important characteristic of a theory is that is has survived repeated attempts to falsify it. Contrary to your understanding, all available evidence confirms it. --Subbie

If evolution is shown to be false, it will be at the hands of things that are true, not made up. --percy

The reason that we have the scientific method is because common sense isn't reliable. -- Taq


  
ringo
Member
Posts: 19528
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005
Member Rating: 2.8


(3)
Message 1337 of 1389 (893341)
04-06-2022 4:15 PM


I got my pension information from the government, so now I can do my taxes. It seems I get a retirement benefit and a post-retirement benefit. Hmm.... I would have thought that retirement was the period of time in which I have been retired - and post-retirement is the period of time since I retired. I'm not quite clear on the distinction.

This year's tax return has 48,000 lines. (There may be some numbers missing - I didn't count them.)

I have to enter two numbers: old-age security and Canada Pension Plan - or maybe three numbers if I have to keep retirement and post-retirement separate. Then I have to add them together.

Then I have to enter zeroes on all of the other lines and add them together and subtract them from my total income to get my taxable income. Then I have to multiply by some percentage to get the amount of tax I owe. If it's less than $48,000 (it is), I enter zero and I get a refund of all the taxes I have paid in (zero).

I had a heck of a time finding the provincial tax forms. For a minute I thought they had stopped collecting taxes. (How will they survive without my zero dollars?) But I found them in the back of the "guide", which rivals War and Peace in size. I have to enter the total income from the Federal form and then a lot of zeroes, etc. etc. to find out that I get a full refund of the provincial taxes that I paid in (zero).

Then they calculate it all for themselves in Ottawa and tell me what mistakes I made, which change my refund from zero to zero.


"I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man!"
-- Lucky Ned Pepper

Replies to this message:
 Message 1338 by Tanypteryx, posted 04-06-2022 4:48 PM ringo has seen this message

  
Tanypteryx
Member
Posts: 3296
From: Oregon, USA
Joined: 08-27-2006
Member Rating: 3.2


Message 1338 of 1389 (893342)
04-06-2022 4:48 PM
Reply to: Message 1337 by ringo
04-06-2022 4:15 PM


Thanks! That made me laugh!

What if Eleanor Roosevelt had wings? -- Monty Python

One important characteristic of a theory is that is has survived repeated attempts to falsify it. Contrary to your understanding, all available evidence confirms it. --Subbie

If evolution is shown to be false, it will be at the hands of things that are true, not made up. --percy

The reason that we have the scientific method is because common sense isn't reliable. -- Taq


This message is a reply to:
 Message 1337 by ringo, posted 04-06-2022 4:15 PM ringo has seen this message

  
Tanypteryx
Member
Posts: 3296
From: Oregon, USA
Joined: 08-27-2006
Member Rating: 3.2


(4)
Message 1339 of 1389 (893596)
04-17-2022 11:51 AM


Well Chosen Words
I ran across this list this morning on Facebook. I need to memorize a few...

quote:
The following insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words:
1. "He had delusions of adequacy ” Walter Kerr
2. "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”- Winston Churchill
3. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. - Clarence Darrow
4. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
5. "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
6. "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.” - Moses Hadas
7. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” - Mark Twain
8. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” - Oscar Wilde
9. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” -George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
10. "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one.” - Winston Churchill, in response
11. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here” - Stephen Bishop
12. "He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” - John Bright
13. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.” - Irvin S. Cobb
14. "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” - Samuel Johnson
15. "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up. - Paul Keating
16. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” - Forrest Tucker
17. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” - Mark Twain
18. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” - Mae West
19. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” - Oscar Wilde
20. "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination.” - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
21. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music.” - Billy Wilder
22. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it.” - Groucho Marx
23. The exchange between Winston Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
24. "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln
25. "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -- Jack E. Leonard
26. "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." -- Thomas Brackett Reed
27. "He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." -- James Reston (about Richard Nixon) —Robert L Truesdell

What if Eleanor Roosevelt had wings? -- Monty Python

One important characteristic of a theory is that is has survived repeated attempts to falsify it. Contrary to your understanding, all available evidence confirms it. --Subbie

If evolution is shown to be false, it will be at the hands of things that are true, not made up. --percy

The reason that we have the scientific method is because common sense isn't reliable. -- Taq


Replies to this message:
 Message 1346 by xongsmith, posted 04-19-2022 2:07 PM Tanypteryx has replied

  
Percy
Member
Posts: 20759
From: New Hampshire
Joined: 12-23-2000
Member Rating: 2.2


(5)
Message 1340 of 1389 (893733)
04-19-2022 11:27 AM


Math Joke
Liked this one:

--Percy


Replies to this message:
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dwise1
Member
Posts: 5073
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 2.7


Message 1341 of 1389 (893738)
04-19-2022 12:02 PM
Reply to: Message 1340 by Percy
04-19-2022 11:27 AM


Re: Math Joke
Years ago, a guest on Neil DeGrasse Tyson's Star Talk was talking about the large number of math nerds who work on The Simpsons -- I seem to recall that he was one of them. Naturally, they will sneak in a lot of math jokes that hardly anyone in the audience will get, like Homer using a narcissistic number (his specific example; that was the first time that I had ever heard of narcissistic numbers, AKA "pluperfect digital invariant" (PPDI)). A narcissistic number refers to itself in the form of being "a number that is the sum of its own digits each raised to the power of the number of digits". I seem to recall that the number that Homer used was 8208 (84 + 24 + 04 + 84 = 4096 + 16 + 0 + 4096 = 8208).

I remember the episode where the school's math club goes to compete in the Math-lympics. Their tshirts said:

quote:
π ≠ a/b

I hate to admit that it took me a couple seconds to get that one. But then my last math class was half a century ago (strange how I keep having to say that).


This message is a reply to:
 Message 1340 by Percy, posted 04-19-2022 11:27 AM Percy has taken no action

Replies to this message:
 Message 1342 by ringo, posted 04-19-2022 12:08 PM dwise1 has replied
 Message 1350 by kjsimons, posted 04-19-2022 3:58 PM dwise1 has replied

  
ringo
Member
Posts: 19528
From: frozen wasteland
Joined: 03-23-2005
Member Rating: 2.8


Message 1342 of 1389 (893739)
04-19-2022 12:08 PM
Reply to: Message 1341 by dwise1
04-19-2022 12:02 PM


Re: Math Joke
dwise1 writes:

... the large number of math nerds who work on The Simpsons....


I learned what a googolplex was in first-year university when I accidentally bought the wrong math textbook. (For the youngsters out there, that's long before Google.)

"I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man!"
-- Lucky Ned Pepper

This message is a reply to:
 Message 1341 by dwise1, posted 04-19-2022 12:02 PM dwise1 has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 1343 by dwise1, posted 04-19-2022 12:39 PM ringo has seen this message
 Message 1347 by AnswersInGenitals, posted 04-19-2022 2:13 PM ringo has seen this message

  
dwise1
Member
Posts: 5073
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 2.7


(1)
Message 1343 of 1389 (893740)
04-19-2022 12:39 PM
Reply to: Message 1342 by ringo
04-19-2022 12:08 PM


Re: Math Joke
My generation learned about the googol (10100) and the googolplex (10googol) from Carl Sagan on Cosmos. The story was that a mathematician asked his son for the largest number and that's what the kid came up with -- Wikipedia dates that at 1920 and that the kid named it "googol" after Barney Google ("with the goo-goo-googly eyes").

A couple years ago I wrote a web page about number names, Number Names. For example, a value which is close to a googol is 1099 which is a duotrigintillion (short scale) and a sedecilliard (long scale). But the largest number name I list is for one millinillion (short scale) for 103003. Those entire number naming systems, short and long, should make high school students appreciate having to use scientific notation since it lets them avoid the names.

The long scale/short scale issue is why when I write "billion" I always add (109) to indicate which billion I'm talking about (CosmicChimp, who lives in Germany, should understand that, while members in the UK won't because they switched to the short scale back in 1974, at least for billions).

BTW, ain't no such things as jillions, zillions, or even bazillions.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 1342 by ringo, posted 04-19-2022 12:08 PM ringo has seen this message

Replies to this message:
 Message 1344 by Tanypteryx, posted 04-19-2022 1:05 PM dwise1 has replied

  
Tanypteryx
Member
Posts: 3296
From: Oregon, USA
Joined: 08-27-2006
Member Rating: 3.2


(1)
Message 1344 of 1389 (893744)
04-19-2022 1:05 PM
Reply to: Message 1343 by dwise1
04-19-2022 12:39 PM


Re: Math Joke
BTW, ain't no such things as jillions, zillions, or even bazillions.

Those are just synonyms for "lots."

I remember my mom telling me the story of googol and the mathematician's son. I don't think she really understood it, because she called the googolplex as the largest number and I remember asking why you couldn't just add 1 to it.

It's funny how some obscure conversations from childhood stick in your memory.


Stop Tzar Vladimir the Condemned!

What if Eleanor Roosevelt had wings? -- Monty Python

One important characteristic of a theory is that is has survived repeated attempts to falsify it. Contrary to your understanding, all available evidence confirms it. --Subbie

If evolution is shown to be false, it will be at the hands of things that are true, not made up. --percy

The reason that we have the scientific method is because common sense isn't reliable. -- Taq


This message is a reply to:
 Message 1343 by dwise1, posted 04-19-2022 12:39 PM dwise1 has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 1345 by dwise1, posted 04-19-2022 1:28 PM Tanypteryx has taken no action

  
dwise1
Member
Posts: 5073
Joined: 05-02-2006
Member Rating: 2.7


Message 1345 of 1389 (893745)
04-19-2022 1:28 PM
Reply to: Message 1344 by Tanypteryx
04-19-2022 1:05 PM


Re: Math Joke
I remember a sci-fi short story from high school (so it pre-dated the late 60's, most likely from the 40's or 50's) where a mathematician is kidnapped. The kidnapper had been injured or disfigured because of an industrial accident caused by a mathematician having made a mistake, so now he wants to take revenge on mathematicians. He'd kidnap one mathematician after another and present him with a problem. If he can solve it, then he can go free, but if not then he dies. The protagonist is the first one.

The problem is to guess a number, n, with particular properties. All I remember is one clue and maybe a second:

  1. Adding any value to n results in n -- ie, n + x = n, for x non-zero.

  2. Subtracting n from n results in any number -- ie, n - n = x, for x non-zero.

According to the short story's author, the value of n is infinity. That first clue was your observation that if you add 1 to the largest possible value then you get the largest possible value:

        ∞ + 1 = ∞ .

Edited by dwise1, : ABE: "most likely from the 40's or 50's"


This message is a reply to:
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xongsmith
Member
Posts: 2207
From: massachusetts US
Joined: 01-01-2009
Member Rating: 2.8


Message 1346 of 1389 (893750)
04-19-2022 2:07 PM
Reply to: Message 1339 by Tanypteryx
04-17-2022 11:51 AM


Re: Well Chosen Words
i'll add what Dylan asked the science student in Dont Look Back:

"Weren't your friends lucky before you had any friends?"


"I'm the Grim Reaper now, Mitch. Step aside."
Death to #TzarVladimirtheCondemned!
Enjoy every sandwich!

- xongsmith, 5.7dawkins scale


This message is a reply to:
 Message 1339 by Tanypteryx, posted 04-17-2022 11:51 AM Tanypteryx has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 1349 by Tanypteryx, posted 04-19-2022 3:23 PM xongsmith has seen this message

  
AnswersInGenitals
Member
Posts: 654
Joined: 07-20-2006
Member Rating: 3.5


(2)
Message 1347 of 1389 (893751)
04-19-2022 2:13 PM
Reply to: Message 1342 by ringo
04-19-2022 12:08 PM


Re: Math Joke
googolplex (and even googolplex^googolplex) is small potatoes compared to Graham’s number, which is tiny compared to the number(quantity) of rational numbers between 0 and 1/googolplex.

And the Bible is right about pi (ratio of circle’s circumference to diameter) being exactly 3, at least in god’s world, which apparently has positive curvature.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 1342 by ringo, posted 04-19-2022 12:08 PM ringo has seen this message

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Tanypteryx
Member
Posts: 3296
From: Oregon, USA
Joined: 08-27-2006
Member Rating: 3.2


Message 1348 of 1389 (893757)
04-19-2022 3:22 PM
Reply to: Message 1347 by AnswersInGenitals
04-19-2022 2:13 PM


Re: Math Joke
And the Bible is right about pi (ratio of circle’s circumference to diameter) being exactly 3, at least in god’s world, which apparently has positive curvature.

My imagination doesn't work in a way so I can picture what the Universe would be like if pi=3. I assume everything would be skewed, but how?


Stop Tzar Vladimir the Condemned!

What if Eleanor Roosevelt had wings? -- Monty Python

One important characteristic of a theory is that is has survived repeated attempts to falsify it. Contrary to your understanding, all available evidence confirms it. --Subbie

If evolution is shown to be false, it will be at the hands of things that are true, not made up. --percy

The reason that we have the scientific method is because common sense isn't reliable. -- Taq


This message is a reply to:
 Message 1347 by AnswersInGenitals, posted 04-19-2022 2:13 PM AnswersInGenitals has taken no action

  
Tanypteryx
Member
Posts: 3296
From: Oregon, USA
Joined: 08-27-2006
Member Rating: 3.2


(1)
Message 1349 of 1389 (893758)
04-19-2022 3:23 PM
Reply to: Message 1346 by xongsmith
04-19-2022 2:07 PM


Re: Well Chosen Words
Yes, they were!

Stop Tzar Vladimir the Condemned!

What if Eleanor Roosevelt had wings? -- Monty Python

One important characteristic of a theory is that is has survived repeated attempts to falsify it. Contrary to your understanding, all available evidence confirms it. --Subbie

If evolution is shown to be false, it will be at the hands of things that are true, not made up. --percy

The reason that we have the scientific method is because common sense isn't reliable. -- Taq


This message is a reply to:
 Message 1346 by xongsmith, posted 04-19-2022 2:07 PM xongsmith has seen this message

  
kjsimons
Member
Posts: 759
From: Orlando,FL
Joined: 06-17-2003
Member Rating: 2.3


(1)
Message 1350 of 1389 (893763)
04-19-2022 3:58 PM
Reply to: Message 1341 by dwise1
04-19-2022 12:02 PM


Re: Math Joke
Okay, I'll admit it I don't get this: π ≠ a/b

This message is a reply to:
 Message 1341 by dwise1, posted 04-19-2022 12:02 PM dwise1 has replied

Replies to this message:
 Message 1351 by dwise1, posted 04-19-2022 4:25 PM kjsimons has taken no action

  
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