The facts above all prove that the Earth was created last Thursday by the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and if [creationists] admitted that, they'd have to allow his Noodliness into their sinful hearts, and submit to the loving guidance of his Noodly Appendage.
Yes, and this brings us to the real question, doesn't it, Dr A? Why are Creationists so tragically devoted to their proud spirit of rebellion?
There can be only one explanation: they fear having to answer to an authority higher than themselves. Instead of empty talk of their imaginary deity, whom they create in their own image, they would have to change their lives and submit to the will of a real, living, active sentient blob of pasta.
And that can be very, very frightening to a lot of people.
Our children are being brainwashed in history class by being taught about events that happened "hundreds" or "thousands" of years ago. Spaghetti Monstrists feel that in the interests of balance and fairness, history teachers should give equal time to Last Thursdayism. After all, if Last Thursdayism is as "silly" as its critics claim, then what have they got to be afraid of?
Indeed. Why not present all theories side by side and let students decide for themselves? Let them choose. Would they rather learn four billion years of natural history? Six thousand years of natural history? Or a few days?
Students will appreciate the fact that, as the world was only created last Thursday, speaking the truth means they have much less history to learn. This allows them all the more time to contemplate the infinite majesty of His Noodliness!
Behold the scent of his garlic on the breeze, the blessings he showers upon us like grated parmesan cheese. Behold how he walks with us, hand-in-noodle, every day of our lives... for almost a week now.
You must make your choice. Either this pasta dish has been, and is, Absolute Deity: or else pure poison or something worse. You can throw Him on the walls as a fool, you can spit Him up and wash Him down the trash disposer as a demon; or you can fall at His swirling feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a decent gastronomic experience. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.