As President and CEO of Kraft, the world-renowned makers of such wholesome foods as Mac & Cheese, and the ever popular Philly Cream Cheese, as well as many other cheese based products, I find it quite necessary to step in here.
Our most recent covert operations in the Marianas Trench not withsatnding, we have never, and will never, produce Philly Cream Cheese from the mixture of Substantium and Iron. We are well aware of the possibility of throwing the whole universe out of whack by bringing the Substantium to the surface of the Earth, and would never undertake an endeavor such as that for the mere thousands of dollars anually we'd make from the sale of Philly Cream Cheese.
However, the scientific promise (as well as any potential government grants and Nobel Prizes) make it a worthwhile enterprise.
I would like to thank you all for bringing this potentially earth-changing finding to our attention before any of you could have sullied our reports with your own.
PS, we have alerted the Teknkollor-Vmit authorities: the Vmitorium Guard, to the crimes of which we are privvy.
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