because you refuse to obey the very first requirement of understanding it
In your worldview, the first requirement would be throwing your brain out of the window. There are contradictions in the multiples versions of the Bible. Think about it, blame it on the various people who wrote the texts if you want but you can't deny reality.
I remember Jar mentionning the Nicene Creed many times as the core of his beliefs saying. Maybe you shouldn't accuse him of disbelieving things too quickly.
By the way, let me ask you a question. How is important the suffering, death and resurection of Jesus in you beliefs and more importantly, why?
Does it really change the message of Jesus' teachings? You sound like you want/need Christianity to be special like nothing else. Seriously, who cares if the message is the same as long as it's for the better good?