You know, science is more than being able to arrange your words in a clever manner. Your message there is very poetic, but I'd say that it's little better than an 19th century science fiction novel.
In other words, who are you trying to fool?
Owing to the deficiency of the English language, I have occasionally used the academic jargon generator to produce phrases that even I don't fully understand. The jargons are not meant to offend anyone or to insult anyone's intelligence!