The Difference between Liberals, Conservatives and Texans
Reposted from NLZ courtesy of email@example.com
Question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40 and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
Liberal Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun and what kind of message does this send to society and my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me or would he just be content to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days to try to come to a conclusion.
01. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi 02. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton 03. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope 04. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond 05. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram 06. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong 07. 365.25 days of drinking low calorie beer because it's less filling = 1 lite year 08. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling 09. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon 10. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz 11. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower 12. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line 13. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake 14. 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone 15. 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles 16. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle 17. 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds 18. 10 cards = 1 decacards 19. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton 20. 1000 grams of wet socks = 1 literhosen 21. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche 22. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin 23. 10 rations = 1 decaration 24. 100 rations = 1 C-ration 25. 2 monograms = 1 diagram 26. 8 nickels = 2 paradigms 27. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 I.V. League