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Author Topic:   humor II
Member (Idle past 1585 days)
Posts: 2928
From: Lone Star State USA
Joined: 02-19-2004

Message 1 of 310 (91173)
03-08-2004 3:35 PM

This little ol texan man saves his money up till he can afford these fancy new cowboy boots. When he finally buys them he is so excited to show them off to his wife. He puts them on and walks out to the living room and says "See anything different?"
Wife looks up at him and says "Nope". Perplexed he goes back in the bedroom and take all his clothes off except the new boots.
Returning in the living room he states:" See anything new?" she says "Nope" Aggrevated he says.."look at my johnson, it is pointing down to something!!" To which she responds, "Should of bought a hat." Little Texan humor.

Replies to this message:
 Message 2 by jar, posted 04-06-2006 11:51 AM 1.61803 has not replied
 Message 27 by Brad McFall, posted 04-28-2006 4:04 PM 1.61803 has not replied

Posts: 34054
From: Texas!!
Joined: 04-20-2004
Member Rating: 5.1

Message 2 of 310 (301537)
04-06-2006 11:51 AM
Reply to: Message 1 by 1.61803
03-08-2004 3:35 PM

A Golf story
Jesus, Moses and a little old man go golfing one day. They are on the 8th hole which is a tough little par 3. This particular hole has a water hazard between the tees and the green.
Jesus tees up hits a horrible shot right for the water. Instead of sinking though, the ball kind of "walks" across the water and stops a couple of feet in front of the hole.
Next to tee his ball up is Moses. He pulls out an iron and hit his ball but it too heads straight for the water. This time, the water parts and the ball bounces across the pond bed and lands a couple of feet from the hole.
It is time for the Little Old Man to tee it up.
After much consideration, he pulls out a 5 wood and hits it with all his might. The ball heads straight for the water but lands on the back of a duck that was swimming in the pond. The duck takes off into the air but a gust of wind knocks the ball off his back where it bounces off a tree limb. The ball then hits the pin, bounces off into the sand trap, hitting the rake just at the right angle so the ball then bounces back onto the green with enough backspin to put the ball in the hole!
Jesus looks at the Little Old Man and says, "Good Shot Dad!"

Aslan is not a Tame Lion

This message is a reply to:
 Message 1 by 1.61803, posted 03-08-2004 3:35 PM 1.61803 has not replied

Member (Idle past 693 days)
Posts: 3228
Joined: 08-11-2004

Message 3 of 310 (302610)
04-09-2006 11:58 AM

A story is told of a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to been riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader: "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?"
Moshe replied: "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Anti-Semitism in Europe, terrorism in Israel, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!".

Member (Idle past 1486 days)
Posts: 20714
From: the other end of the sidewalk
Joined: 03-14-2004

Message 4 of 310 (303114)
04-11-2006 7:10 AM

Ted Rall
on evolution

Join the effort to unravel {AIDS\HIV} with Team EvC! (click)

we are limited in our ability to understand
by our ability to understand
... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ...
to share.

Member (Idle past 497 days)
Posts: 5788
From: NY USA
Joined: 05-09-2004

Message 5 of 310 (303123)
04-11-2006 7:35 AM

Why more men are republican

Replies to this message:
 Message 6 by jar, posted 04-11-2006 7:38 AM riVeRraT has not replied
 Message 8 by Coragyps, posted 04-11-2006 11:49 AM riVeRraT has not replied

Posts: 34054
From: Texas!!
Joined: 04-20-2004
Member Rating: 5.1

Message 6 of 310 (303124)
04-11-2006 7:38 AM
Reply to: Message 5 by riVeRraT
04-11-2006 7:35 AM

Re: Why more men are republican
Sorry Rat but that's an old one and wasn't that funny the first time through. LOL
See here

Aslan is not a Tame Lion

This message is a reply to:
 Message 5 by riVeRraT, posted 04-11-2006 7:35 AM riVeRraT has not replied

New Cat's Eye
Inactive Member

Message 7 of 310 (303162)
04-11-2006 10:11 AM


Member (Idle past 816 days)
Posts: 5553
From: Snyder, Texas, USA
Joined: 11-12-2002

Message 8 of 310 (303192)
04-11-2006 11:49 AM
Reply to: Message 5 by riVeRraT
04-11-2006 7:35 AM

Re: Why more men are republican
I wouldn't pork Michelle Malkin even with Ann Coulter's dick....

This message is a reply to:
 Message 5 by riVeRraT, posted 04-11-2006 7:35 AM riVeRraT has not replied

SuperNintendo Chalmers
Member (Idle past 5915 days)
Posts: 772
From: Bartlett, IL, USA
Joined: 12-27-2005

Message 9 of 310 (303337)
04-11-2006 7:14 PM

Good links
China online Wholesalers on
Landover Baptist | Where the Worthwhile Worship. Unsaved Unwelcome
(Landoverbaptist is simply hilarious... one of my favorite sites... Read their section with letters they have received.. it's absolutely priceless)

Inactive Member

Message 10 of 310 (304843)
04-17-2006 9:16 PM

Anyone like Tom the Dancing Bug?
The latest adventure of God-Man.

"Religion is the best business to be in. It's the only one where the customers blame themselves for product failure."
-- Ellis Weiner (quoted on the NAiG message board)

Member (Idle past 4780 days)
Posts: 64
Joined: 03-11-2004

Message 11 of 310 (304847)
04-17-2006 9:36 PM

A penguin is driving his car while eating a vanilla ice cream cone. Vanilla ice cream is dripping from the corners of his mouth to his chin.
Suddenly he hears a terrible knocking noise. He turns his car around and gets it to a mechanic shop. There he describes the problem to the mechanic. The mechanic crawls under the car and after a few minutes emerges, looks at the penguin and says, “Looks like you blew a seal”.
The penguin replies, “No I was just eating ice cream”.

Member (Idle past 5758 days)
Posts: 1140
From: Fort Bragg, NC
Joined: 12-29-2004

Message 12 of 310 (304967)
04-18-2006 11:26 AM

I like that one Rat YARRRR

Member (Idle past 5989 days)
Posts: 3435
From: Edmonton Alberta Canada
Joined: 08-30-2003

Message 13 of 310 (304993)
04-18-2006 1:00 PM

How to make tanks

Dan Carroll
Inactive Member

Message 14 of 310 (305040)
04-18-2006 5:28 PM

Inspired by this post.
I, for one, would love the idea of an "Absolute Fucking Lunatics" conspiracy-theorist/apocalypse-worshipper/beyond-pseudo-science section at EvC.

"We had survived to turn on the History Channel
And ask our esteemed panel, Why are we alive? And here's how they replied:
You're what happens when two substances collide
And by all accounts you really should have died."
-Andrew Bird

Replies to this message:
 Message 15 by Jazzns, posted 04-21-2006 1:02 AM Dan Carroll has replied
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Member (Idle past 3992 days)
Posts: 2657
From: A Better America
Joined: 07-23-2004

Message 15 of 310 (305582)
04-21-2006 1:02 AM
Reply to: Message 14 by Dan Carroll
04-18-2006 5:28 PM

All I want for Christmas...
... is the "Absolute Fucking Lunatics" forum.
No, seriously! We could even let the loons post what they consider lunatic and rediculious such as excerpts from TO.
Although I seem to remember there is already a website out there that lists crackpot websites.

Of course, biblical creationists are committed to belief in God's written Word, the Bible, which forbids bearing false witness; --AIG (lest they forget)

This message is a reply to:
 Message 14 by Dan Carroll, posted 04-18-2006 5:28 PM Dan Carroll has replied

Replies to this message:
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