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Author | Topic: Shamlessly stolen from another board. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
jar Member (Idle past 424 days) Posts: 34026 From: Texas!! Joined: |
YA, SHURE, YA BETCHA! DIS IS DA
LATEST AIR SERVICE TO SPROUT UP IN MINNYSOTA. ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORT AND SOUT DAKOTA AND MONTANA. If you are travelin soon,consider Lutran (Lutheran) Air, da no-frills airline You're all in da same boat on Lutran Air, where flyin is an upliftin experience. Dere is no first class on any Lutran Air flight. Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6,bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert. Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of d'aircraft. Everyone is responsible for hisor her own baggage. All fares are by freewill offering and da plane will not land 'til da budget is met. Pay attention to your flight attendant, who will acquaint you with da safety system aboard dis Lutran Air 599. Okay den, listen up. I'm onlygonna say dis once. In de event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so will Captain Olson, because we fly right around two tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably indicate da Second Coming or someting of dat nature, and I wouldn't bodar with doze little masks on da rubber tubes. You're gonna have bigger tings to worry about dan dat. Just stuff doze back up in dair little holes. Probably da masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest wit you, we're going to have quite a bit of at two tousand feet .. sort a like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it. In de event of a water landing,I'd say forget it. Start saying da Lord's Prayer and just hope you get to da part about forgive us our sins as we forgive doze who sin against us, which some people say "trespass against us," which isn't right, but what can you do? De use of cell phones on da planeis strictly forbidden, not because day may interfere with da plane's navigational system, which is seat of da pants all da way. No, it's because cell phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He would have put your mout on da side of your head. We're going to start lunch rightabout noon and it's buffet style with da coffee pot up front. Den we'll have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pocket in front of you. Don't take yours wit you when you go or I am going to be real upset and I am not kiddin! Right now I'll say Grace. "Come,Lord Jesus, be our guest and let deze gifts to us be blessed. Fadar, Son, and Holy Ghost, may we land in Dulut or pretty close Amen!
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berberry Inactive Member |
That's rich, jar! Thanks for a good laugh.
Keep America Safe AND Free!
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Demosthenes Fan Inactive Member |
Heydare Jar, great post. really hit the foony bone dare, doont'cha know.
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Asgara Member (Idle past 2332 days) Posts: 1783 From: Wisconsin, USA Joined: |
I'd laugh, but it sounds too much like where I grew up...the UP of Michigan.
/sigh ya der aye This message has been edited by Asgara, 01-09-2005 12:17 AM Asgara "Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever....but get over it" http://asgarasworld.bravepages.comhttp://perditionsgate.bravepages.com
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Minnemooseus Member Posts: 3945 From: Duluth, Minnesota, U.S. (West end of Lake Superior) Joined: Member Rating: 10.0 |
Dulut is my hometown, and once again my residence has a Duluth (MN) mailing address, although I am outside of the city limits.
Been thinking about tracking down my official Norwegian joke book, to get a particular Ole and Lena joke right. You betcha,Moose
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Asgara Member (Idle past 2332 days) Posts: 1783 From: Wisconsin, USA Joined: |
Ole and Lena? In the UP its Finnish, Eino and Toivo
Asgara "Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever....but get over it" http://asgarasworld.bravepages.comhttp://perditionsgate.bravepages.com
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jar Member (Idle past 424 days) Posts: 34026 From: Texas!! Joined: |
.
Aslan is not a Tame Lion
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nator Member (Idle past 2200 days) Posts: 12961 From: Ann Arbor Joined: |
Yer a Yooper!
I had no idea.
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Jon Inactive Member |
No... we don't sound like that! Some of us actually know how to stick our tongues between our teet! Jon
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subbie Member (Idle past 1285 days) Posts: 3509 Joined: |
Okay den, you ask for it....
Ole goes out vun day to use da outhouse, and he find Sven dere. Sven has his vallet out, and he's trowing money down into da hole of da outhouse. Ole asks, "Uff da! Sven, vatcha doin' there? You're trowing da fife dollar bill and da ten dollar bill down into da hole of da outhouse! Whatcha doin' dat for?" Sven answers, "Vell, ven I pulled up my trousers I dropped a nickel down dere”and I'm not going down into that mess for yust a nickel!" Those who would sacrifice an essential liberty for a temporary security will lose both, and deserve neither. -- Benjamin Franklin We see monsters where science shows us windmills. -- Phat
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subbie Member (Idle past 1285 days) Posts: 3509 Joined: |
Sven is driving his truck down da street vun day ven he get flagged down by anudder truck driver whose truck broke down. De udder driver say to Sven, "Say Sven, vould you take dis load of penguins to da zoo for me? I giff you a hunnerd dollars if you do."
Sven say, "Ya sure, I do dat." About tree hours later, da udder driver see Sven coming back in de udder direction and he still got da penguins. Da driver stop Sven and say, "Sven! Vat you doing? I told you to take dem penguins to da zoo!" Sven say, "Ya sure, I do dat. But I got some money left over so now I take dem to da Dairy Qveen." Those who would sacrifice an essential liberty for a temporary security will lose both, and deserve neither. -- Benjamin Franklin We see monsters where science shows us windmills. -- Phat
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dwise1 Member Posts: 5952 Joined: Member Rating: 5.7 |
I may be Irish, Scottish, German, and former Mexican (by marriage, 'till I was kicked out), but I was stationed in North Dakota for five years at the height of the Cold War. We arrived just in time for the Mexican restaurant to start using real tortillas. Before then, they used lefse.
Your joke's for funny! And we heard lots of Sven and Ole stories. They're supposed to be true, but I dunno. Sven and Ole went fishing one day in the lake. Used a rental boat. They found a really great fishing spot. They were just hauling 'em in. Sven told Ole that he wanted to make sure they could find that spot again, so he pulled a piece of chalk out of his pocket and drew an "X" on the floor of the boat to mark the spot. Ole reprimanded him, "What are you thinking of? That won't work! What if we get a different boat next time?"
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