I don't hate the devices, but I can't think of much positive to say about them, either.
It seems that much of your critique is about what smartphones cannot do. Yes it is the case that smartphones do not push the envelop on what computers can do. The accident reporting app you used as an example is probably not easily within the realm of what can be handled on your desktop with even more computing power, so is the fact that smartphones cannot accomplish that any kind of indictment?
I'll admit that my smartphone is not loaded up with 1000s of apps from the appstore, but on the other hand, unlike 99% of users, I do program my iPad and my android phone myself. My smartphone and iPads have an index of all of my music, movies, and comics, includes an astronomy program of my own making that allows you to display the sky, phases of the moon at any location time I choose. I can actually do software development on my iPad and smartphone (Yeah, my iPad is jailbroken) except that I don't like typing on an on screen keypad enough to do more than some quick fixes.
As a programming geek, I find those features irresistible. I would not expect that everybody else is as enthralled with the features I've mentioned. I also use my iPad for storing traveling media (audio/movies) and for doing remote tutoring via one or more conferencing applications. I've actually made a bit of money doing this. I also have an application that allows me to remotely access my desktop computer via my iPad.
No, a smartphone is not a tri-corder. You cannot set it up to do automated accident reporting. But an insurance agent could use a tablet to collect information onsite including any audio he wants to record, and have that stuff transcribed and processed by humans to produce a final result that accomplishes nearly what you want an app to do. Why isn't that enough reason to exist?
Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also in prison. Thoreau: Civil Disobedience (1846)
History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people. Martin Luther King
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? Scott Adams