More Evidence of Flatulent Demons

The Magnitude of Evil Power in Flatulence: While most studies of "greenhouse gasses" focus on carbon dioxide, methane is twenty-one times (21x) more effective at trapping heat in the atmosphere, a fact attributed to the larger size of the CH4 molecule.A Significant Source of Evil Flatulence: A cow can emit demonic flatulence at the rate of 280 liters of methane per day!Cattle herds in the U.S. emit approximately six million metric tons of methane into the atmosphere per year!Worldwide, livestock produces about 80 million metric tons of methane annually![Retired Product]In the past two centuries, atmospheric methane has more than doubled due in part to livestock flatulence.Potential Evil Effects of Flatulence: Some scientists speculate that current global warming, fueled by demonic flatulence, eventually can lead to the release of additional evil methane if the oceans warm substantially. That's because vast amounts of methane are frozen beneath the ocean floors just waiting to be released to do Satan's dirty stinking work. Once the atmosphere and oceans begin to warm, it's possible that more and more of the trapped demon methane will thaw and bubble out.Flatulent-induced Armageddon? "A tremendous release of methane gas frozen beneath the sea floor 55 million years ago was responsible for heating up the Earth by seven degrees, a study has revealed. The phenomenon could occur again and cause an acceleration of the current, pollution-related global warming process."[http://www.climateark.org/articles/2001/4th/prmegasw.htm]The additional evidence given above should serve to convince the reader that demons and evil angels are witnessed by farts as we previously have been warned.Pass the Beano

Yep, Prozac, I'm with Stephen on this one. I think the sulfurous content proves it.Peace.

In Message #7, and regarding Ms. Jackson's obviously alien space craft breast attachment, Crash says, "That's 'nipple shield (to you)' - it could hardly protect, as the item is worn by inserting a pierced nipple through the hole in the middle and securing it with a bar through the nipple... "Well, thanks a whole hell of a lot for goin' and gettin' all factual about it, Dr. Frog.(Party Pooper)

Stephen informs our little science class here that, "It has been suggested that everytime you kick a demon out, there is some natural emission, belching, farting, vomiting, yawning, coughing, sighing."Tomorrow's lab assignment will include the examination of pimples, boils, subcutaneous cysts, warts, blisters, and bubos (no, not boobies) for evidence of demonic influence.Be Prepared[This message has been edited by Abshalom, 02-05-2004]

Coragyps:A search for "emerods" in the dictionary turned up zilch.However, when I murmured "emerods, emerods, emerods" three times kinda fast, I came to the conclusion that you may be referring to that scourge of hellfire commonly known as "hemorrhoids."I will definitely take a closer look at the possibility that hemorroids, one of mankind's most common and nagging disorders, may be associated with demons or evil angels. The possiblity does seem real.In the meantime, keep the anal area clean, using a mild soap and gentle dabbing after a bowel movement. Avoid vigorous rubbing of the area. Keep the anus and hemorrhoids as dry as possible, using talcum powder and a pad of soft tissue to absorb moisture. Eat a diet high in fiber and roughage. Fiber and bran retain water in the stool, producing soft, bulky stools which are easier to pass and reduce the tendency to develop hemorrhoids. Avoid straining when having a bowel movement. [Not Found]And of course, pray and pay those tythes.Peace.[This message has been edited by Abshalom, 02-05-2004]

Coragyps:My apologies. I spoke way too soon. A more thorough search turns up these and other citations regarding "emerods:"Deuteronomy 28:27 The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed.1 Samuel 5:6 But the hand of the LORD was heavy upon them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and smote them with emerods, [even] Ashdod and the coasts thereof.1 Samuel 5:9 And it was [so], that, after they had carried it about, the hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great destruction: and he smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret parts.1 Samuel 5:12 And the men that died not were smitten with the emerods: and the cry of the city went up to heaven.Which only prove the close relationship between hemorroids and demons.Peace[This message has been edited by Abshalom, 02-05-2004]