Women's Reactions to Rape

Hmm... I was under the impression Tagless was a woman. Perhaps I'm mistaken.Nevertheless, I totally concur with everything Tagless has said regarding Crash's approach to how women should respond to having been raped and how to prevent rape.Perhaps it's the female mindset that prohibits most women from wanting to go through life worried and afraid of every man she meets. Life is uncertain and scary enough as it is without adding to it a distrust of half our population.

Crash, I do see what you're saying, and like RH, I agree that women should learn how to protect themselves. I think that one thing alone would save many women from the horror of rape, but I don't think women carrying guns is necessarily the right answer, nor is a deep-seated mistrust of every single male on the planet.The fact is, most women who have been raped end up with a serious mistrust of all men they meet - for good reason. That is inevitable and those feelings don't go away - at least not without a lot of self-reflection and/or therapy.You will probably ask WHY would you want those feelings of distrust to go away. Why not mistrust every man you meet?Thing is, I think many women do, to a point, look at every man they meet as a potential rapist - even the women who have never been raped. We've seen the news and we've talked to our friends. But you know what? It's really hard to keep that mindset when you find you like the man. You WANT to trust him. You WANT to think he's a good man who will treat you well and protect you if you need it. You WANT to have him as a friend. It's almost a 'need' to find a man you can trust and women always fall for a sweet-talkin' man.And sometimes, you make a mistake in judgement. Many times, that's the hardest part about rape - the fact that you allowed yourself to trust someone who then violates your person - mind, body, and soul.If you failed yourself in that regard, where else might you fail yourself? You lose trust in your ability to judge situations and people... and you also lost trust in your intuition. Women tend you have a very well developed sense of intuition, and we depend on this a great deal.That's why I think women cannot go through life with a deep seated mistrust of every man they meet. We already do mistrust men to a point, but at some point, that mistrust has to become trust if we want to have a relationship with him - and that's also the point where rapes are most common. We've let our guard down and then the rapist makes his move.Ask any man who's dated a recent victim of rape how easy it is to have a relationship with them. It isn't. You cannot have an intimite relationship with someone who thinks you can/will hurt them. Similarly, women can not have a healthy relationship with a man they don't trust.Perhaps the problem lies with our evolutionary path. Although not so much the case today, human females have in the past depended entirely on their males for protection. Females HAD to put their trust in the male companions and I think that instinct is still strongly ingrained in women today.Personally, I am not sure rape can ever be abolished, and that thought alone is terrifying.This message has been edited by roxrkool, 11-24-2004 12:02 PM

Maybe deep-seated is the wrong term. How about all-encompassing, overwhelming distrust of men?And frankly, my having martial arts training is not going to stop a man from raping me if he is bound and determined to do so. I did say learning to protect yourself is a good thing, but even that can only go so far. Even the skinniest guy is probably physically stronger than I am. Even with martial arts training, I can still be overpowered by sheer force.Say I meet a man, I find I like him. He's funny, personable and attractive, and I don't get any kind of weird vibe from him. After a couple of weeks, I decide I like him and so I go to his home because he's going to make me dinner. After a nice dinner, we sit next to each other on the couch to watch a little tv. No funny business - just sitting. At this point, I am not expecting anything other than maybe a little smooching and maybe I'm fantasizing about the future - almost falling asleep, I feel so comfortable. But what if he turns around and suddenly grabs me? Though still strong and in good shape, I'm 100 pounds lighter and I've been taken completely by surprise. I can't get my legs free because they are pinned by his own legs and weight. His hands have pinned my arms. Even martial arts training is going to be difficult to use if I can't get up. If I struggle too much, he punches me and knocks me silly. He threatens me with a knife he pulls out of somewhere and says he'll cut my throat and bury me in his basement if I make another peep. He's been planning this since the beginning.Most women will simply stop struggling and hope for the best. Most women would prefer to live. I'm raped and hopefully let go.Now what? No gun or knife would have helped me unless they were in my hand. Martial arts training goes out the window because my arms and legs were trapped. I blame is myself for trusting the jackass and him for being a jackass. Do I tell someone? My family? They'll be hurt and feel pity for me. My friends? Same thing. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. In fact, I don't want anyone to know I was so fucking stupid as to trust him in the first place. What was I thinking going over to his house so soon? That's why most rapes are not reported.Then to have people wonder about you and the 'truth'... slut, whore, tease...Crash, I personally could not live a healthy, fulfilling life if I had to worry about being raped by every single man I meet. How would I work with men, then? How can I carry a gun and at the first inkling of threat, pull it out? How would he feel if he was only trying to kiss my neck or reaching over to take something out of the glove compartment and I pull out my gun and threaten to shoot his ass? Would YOU want to live in a world like that?Carrying a gun or knife in my purse will help protect me against stranger rape. When I'm walking down the street at night... or when someone breaks into my house. It's not going to help me when I'm attacked by a man I considered a friend.

quote:

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But I trust her, and she me.

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And that, Crash, is the problem. She trusts you. She trusts that you will not hurt her. You both need that trust in your lives. Without it, you wouldn't be able to survive as a couple.

Crash, how about re-stating your position. This thread is pretty long and even though I've been following it, I am confused as to what your current position is. I think others are as well.My understanding is that you are frustrated as to why the majority of women haven't started carrying guns or had martial arts training to protect themselves from rape. Your position is that since men and society in general have not been able to stop rape, then women need to take an offensive position against the possibility of rape (i.e., carrying guns). Additionally, you think most women should view every man as a potential rapist.From what I remember, most other posters agree that women need to know how to protect themselves, but that guns are not a good option because most rapes are perpetrated by men in positions of trust. Women already are generally suspicous of every man they first meet, but given time, will eventually begin to trust. It's at that point many rapes occur.That's my understanding so far and probably somewhat wrong, but it's hard keeping track of everyone's arguments.