stop stop stop, my sides hurt too much from laughing.
So, let's see if we can sum up.
In order for you to be right -
Volcanos erupted while simulateously being flattened along with the rest of the world so that it could fill in the trenches at the bottom of the ocean while the Earth's temperature went up to melt the ice caps. But while the temperature went up, there was less evaporation because we need all the water on the ground. Then, right after the flood, all the land which was not at the bottom of the ocean came back out of those deep trenches and formed the mountains. Of course, since all that land was sedimentary by definition, the mountains are all sedimentary except for the onces with aren't because they magically changed. Meanwhile, the mountains which were not flattened were magically still around for Noah to land his boat on, and as the waters drained in Arizona they cut the Grand Canyon, but in the rest of the world, they drained out without creating equal or larger canyons, meanwhile the animals spread out as the mountains were rising up around them and fed on the plants which didn't die in the salt water, except for those carnivores which didn't feed on anything apparently but were magically sustained. While this was happening, somehow all the kangaroos got to australia and all the turkeys got to North America, along with the megafaunal which survived this extremely warm period so that they could thrive in the Ice age which immediately followed the flood. And, while all this was going on, the various animals stratified themselves along with plants so that the most primative ones landed at places where C-14 dating was corrupted to make them appear older, while the later forms landed in places where the C-14 was corrupted to make them appear older, but not quite as old as the other ones.
Yup, this all makes perfect sense. I'm surprised we don't teach it in school along side the "Magic of Math" and the "Magic of Spanish"
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