Hey, I think I'll write a book!

Oh, this from Richard Simmons' best friend... Richard Simmons.

Save it for the fight, Hambre. If you're done Sweatin' to the Oldies, that is.

Oh Pluueez, Richard Simmons is not fit to wear Liberace's thong.

Even though the book isn't written yet, yet alone published, and even though the movie rights have not yet been sold, all of Hollywood is clamoring for these roles. Just to quiet the ruckus down I had to reach some agreements on the roles. Don't buy that, huh! Okay, I caved, and the roles went to the highest bidders. Following are the roles so far. In parentheses is the persona the actor played who best represents the role. If your name isn't here it's because it's still in negotiations.

Andya Primanda   Ben Kingsley (Mohandas K. Gandhi, Gandhi)
Asgara           Angelina Jolie (Lara Croft, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider)
Brad McFall      Jack Nicholson (R. P. McMurphy, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's
Nest)
Brian            Humphrey Bogart (Rick Blaine, Casablanca)
buzsaw           Bugs Bunny (Bugs Bunny, Rabbit of Seville)
Dan Carroll      John Ritter (Jack Tripper, Three's Company)
Dr. Tazimus Maximus Walter Brennan (Grandpa, The Real McCoys)
Fred Williams    Christopher Lloyd (Dr. Emmet L. 'Doc' Brown, Back
to the Future)
John             Ted Neeley (Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ Superstar)
Joralex          Charlton Heston (George Taylor, Planet of the Apes)
Mammuthus        Manny (Manny the Mammoth, Ice Age)
mark24           Russel Crowe (John Nash, A Beautiful Mind)
messengjaH       Jack Nicholson (Jack Torrance, The Shining)
Anthony Hopkins (Dr. Hannibal Lecter, The Silence of the
Lambs)
(I sold this role to two people, haven't figured
out how to get out of this mess yet)
minnimooseus     Bullwinkle (Bullwinkle, Rocky and his Friends)
Percipient       Richard Mulligan (Burt, Soap)
Rick Moranis (Wayne Szalinski, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids)
(There wasn't a lot of demand for this role, so I
dropped the price and got two offers, haven't
decided yet)
Quetzal          Johnny Weissmuller (Tarzan, Tarzan the Ape Man)
MrHambre         Christian Slater (Jason 'J.D.' Dean, Heathers)
MrJack           Edgar Buchanan (Uncle Joe, Petticoat Junction)
Rei              Sandra Bullock (Angela Bennett, The Net)
schrafinator     Elizabeth Taylor (Velvet Brown, National Velvet)
SLPx             Jim Carrey (Grinch, How the Grinch Stole Christmas)
Syamsu           Oscar the Grouch (Oscar the Grouch, Sesame Street)
TrueCreation     Hal (Hal the computer, 2001: A Space Odyssey)
Wise             Elmer Fudd (Elmer Fudd, any Loony Toon cartoon)

--Percy[This message has been edited by Percipient, 09-29-2003]

quote:

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Dan Carroll John Ritter

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Okay, I can live with that.

quote:

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MrHambre Christian Slater

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Ha ha! You got ugly and found Jesus! And you're just a lesser Brad McFall, anyway!

Dan the Man,I wouldn't wish John Ritter on Warren. I know you had your heart set on William Katt. On the other hand, I can't complain about Christian Slater. I'm just relieved it wasn't Crispin Glover.

quote:

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Fred Williams Christopher Lloyd (Dr. Emmet L. 'Doc' Brown, Back to the Future)

---

I absolutely love it ------------------
"Illuminant light,
illuminate me."

Percy,I know those Hollywood folks are probably putting all sorts of wacky ideas into your head, but how are a million monkeys with a million typewriters supposed to play Crashfrog? And I don't care if she does need the job, you've gotta find someone better than Natalie Merchant to play Rrhain. This is a musical, for cryin' out loud![This message has been edited by MrHambre, 09-29-2003]

Actually, no final contracts have been signed, and Crispin Glover was last seen making the rounds of friends trying to raise some extra cash. He considers your role a plum. Also, Louis C.K. really had his heart set on the Dan Carroll role, but he bombed on Conan and is considered a long shot at this point, despite recent rumors surrounding Ritter's health.Added by edit: This just in: Mickey Rourke wants the Dan Carroll role, Kevin Bacon the MrHambre role. I'm holding out for more money - you guys are gonna make me rich!--Percy[This message has been edited by Percipient, 09-29-2003]

Glad to see that the family fortune I paid her to take the role paid off.Is the rumor true that Charlton Heston really wants to play Jorelex but is having trouble getting a permit to bring his vintage AK-47 to the filming site on the West Bank?------------------
Asgara
"An unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates via Plato

Great suggestion! Scroll up to see the change.--Percy

Mickey Rourke? That hack couldn't act his way out of a paper bag!Bah. I'll be in my trailer.

But he sure knew what to do with a popcorn bag! Don't despair. Ritter seems implacable in the face of these threats (he was passing me secret signals during the season premier of Eight Simple Rules... last week) - maybe he knows something.--Percy

I've recently learned that Maynard James Keenan (of Tool) and I bear a certain resemblance to each other. Therefore, he will be making his acting debut in the role of ME. I did hear this was a musical, right? Well, to say the man can sing would be a bit of an understatement.

As I have no idea of Angelina's singing abilities, I will announce that Marni Nixon has been approached to ghost Angelina's voice in the musical numbers.Tinsel Town rumors abound - ghost of Tiny Tim lobbying for a chance to ghost Micky Rourke as Dan. (this is a blatant attempt to thwart Jack Black's bid for the role)------------------
Asgara
"An unexamined life is not worth living" Socrates via Plato