JustinCy,
Yeshua (Jesus) once commented to His disciples that there were many things that he wanted to explain to them, but that they couldn't bear to hear it. In a recent movie, some character screams out to someone else asking for the truth about some incident, that "you can't handle the truth." I hope you accept this about yourself, that the answer to your question is beyond you, and that the only way you will ever understand it is to grow up, into the maturity to handle what you seek to know.
The process involves using the blood sacrifice of Yeshua in your testimony and prayer life. "They overcame Satan, by the blood of the Lamb, and word of their testimony, and they loved not their lives unto death." Start praying, start changing the world by prayer. Start small, staying with prayers that are definitely answered, so that you see your prayers as actually making people and the environment better. Then "work to believe" to grow in faith, letting God speak to you about how to pray. He will tell you when and how to speak about what happened at the cross and resurrection, and you will see amazing things happen, and you will grow in understanding of why that form of sacrifice was necessary.
But, as things stand, it's too much.
Stephen
™ Version 4.2
