Girl Troubles...I need to get this off my chest!

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Why the fuck do women play these games? I've had female friends who have all told me that they've avoided guys at some stage. One girl, believe it or not, took offence at a guy's shoes on their first date and avoided him after that! Instead of just telling him: 'I don't dig you like that' or just telling him the truth about his sodding footwear, she avoided him.

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For the exact same reason that you were initially afraid to tell her that you liked her: Fear of the reaction. It'd not a good thing, but it's a game that's played by both sides. People simply are afraid when it comes to relationships - afraid to hurt people's feelings. It ends up hurting them more.------------------
"Illuminant light,
illuminate me."

Maybe, but you deserve to be told that to your face, don't you think? Or at least on the phone? Until she tells you "I'm not interested" she's fair game.Consider this a lesson in persistence. Make her tell you she's not interested in you. (Obviously once she does you have to abide by that. ) It doesn't. If she rejects you it's only because she doesn't think you're the right guy for her. That's neither your fault nor hers. If you aren't right for each other you wouldn't want to be in a relationship, now would you?

But I believe that we could have something special, but I can't convey that without seeming heavy-handed. She had something about her, and some of the stuff she told me...I KNOW that if she just concentrates on those aspects of her core she could blossom in ways...Ah fuck it. I don't know what the hell I gibber about.I've decided to phone her today around 1630. And if she doesn't answer I'll send her a txt asking her if I've done summat terrible. Why does it hurt so much? Lost opportunities I've elevated in my mind to some grandiose Titanic proportions? I mean, I've only really just met the lass...

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Originally posted by crashfrog:
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< !--UE-->Maybe, but you deserve to be told that to your face, don't you think? Or at least on the phone? Until she tells you "I'm not interested" she's fair game. ​ Consider this a lesson in persistence. Make her tell you she's not interested in you. (Obviously once she does you have to abide by that. )< !--UB -->

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Once again, how you express it makes it seem so simple & unexacting. I wish my brain could think like this, instead of falling over itself in gloomy circles chasing its own arse. Arse arse arse , 10-20-2003

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Thank you Dan, that was refreshing to hear a guy say that.

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I do my best. But unfortunately, I had a fight with my girlfriend this weekend, and until it's resolved, I've flip-flopped. Consider me firmly in the "what's up with girls?" camp.

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Now if you'll excuse me, I have a few men to string along and then dump for pleasure

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I can change. Really.------------------
The bear thought his son could talk in space about the time matter has to rotate but twisted heaven instead.
-Brad McFall

Because of Shazia avoiding me, her phone cutting out, etc. etc. I ended up calling her a few times and texting her twice. Shit shit shit. Desperate bastard. Anyway, I see it as this: her trip down to Luton ended up with some shit flaring up between her & her ex, and she wanted to avoid all kinds of complications with me (possibly unsure of my intentions, since I never told her I fancied her), so tried to give me the brush-off until I got the message. Whatever. I can only speculate, something I won't bother wasting my emotions with now. I don't want to imagine possibilities and break my own heart!She said she has to sort shit out in her life and assured me she would definitely call me (something I flat out refuse to believe). She then hung up before I had a chance to speak to her more directly. Speaking to my mate Mathew (I walked the 2 miles to his house uphill from Town) I realised I may have sounded too heavy-handed, as though I had already had a relationship with her for 1 years, as Mathew put it.Anyway, 2 hours later I sent her a text saying: 'Sorry I was a bit of a fool. Have a lovely autumn, ramzaan & eid!'. I hope that last bit doesn't sound sarcastic (like the 'Have a nice life!' routine). I will just have to bow out of this one and deal with it. I feel a bit better now though since - in my mind - I've ended it (now, I don't mean someone has 'dumped' someone else, but I've taken steps to ensure that, on my part, I have tried to put it behind me). I mean, I erased her number from my mobile, along with my lists of recent calls. I came home and burned the piece of paper I had written her number on.I don't want to dwell on it, but I might have avoided this kind of a mess had I just asked her out on that Thursday when she wanted me to approach her. That would have given me 2 weeks of life together with her and, while it might not have circumvented this thing with her ex, I might possibly have enjoyed the beauty of Life & Love with her for a short time. Or if, when we met for coffee, I'd flat out told her that I liked her and wanted to get to know her better in that way. At least then she would have known my intentions instead of wondering if I'd embroil her into a weird, demanding psychotic mess of a relationship just because we met for a drink at a caf.Anyway, can't kill myself thinking about that kind of palaver. I'll just have to learn not to pass up opportunities like this again in the future!I suspect this might count as what you Americans call 'closure'. I never understood that word before. Now I can relate to the state of mind which goes with it. Good word. I'll have to avoid taking the piss out of American English in the future! I suppose it helps that Mathew played me an mp3 of David Bowie making a prank call to Westminster Council about parking tickets .------------------

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All the boys think she's a spy

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, 10-21-2003

I went to a play with my sister last night, Yeh Hai Mumbai Meri Jaan (This Is Mumbai, MY Dear). A load of young, hip Indians giving a performance, mainly in English, of a Bollywood-style love story complete with wicked pokes at the genre (eg blatantly ripping off English songs and putting Hindi words to them. Here they acknowledged their use of 'Oh My Darling Clementine').Anyway, today I awoke with one of the more yearning songs in my head and an overwhelming sadness that the weekend had come. For the first time in my life I realised that I would miss out on going out on the weekend to bars, clubs, etc. etc. Miss out on anyone I might meet there, people around me 'pulling', kissing, getting on down on the dancefloor, whatever.I've never really taken an interest in that, and throughout my life I've never had even a single friend into that sort of thing. And just for this moment I wish...TrueNorwegianBruceWillis once suggested to me I take a train to another town and just put myself out there. He said:

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You have to quit being so [wary] abut females and just put your cheek out there--because you'll get a kiss for every punch; but existing in your current state pretty much ensures zero payoff, right? Try it one night--take a train to a different town where you won't have to worry about "perpetual rejection" (having to see the person who can potentially kick you in the dick again) and just make an honest attempt. I think you would be surprised at the results.

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It just feels too scary, especially when I went through Leeds last week on my way home and saw 6 stunning Asian babes dressed up on a night out (plus I don't have anyone to go with). I may have mentioned it. It has made me weep bitter tears at my social impotence.Anyway, didn't mean to drag down the tone and bump up my topic, but still. I just wanted to express my sorrow.Cheers.------------------

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All the boys think she's a spy

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if she has labeled you a nice guy then she doesnt want you. on top of that'She pointed out a couple of sexy lasses and asked me if they took my fancy, thereby diverting attention away from her. Later she told me of a bar where lots of 'hot girls' go to.'seriously, ive done that before, and i said it to a guy i thought was just a 'nice guy' and said it to give them a hint... that i dont want to be with them romantically - ever.
THE ADVICE PART >> find someone who appreciates you being nice and doesnt label you a 'nice guy'. that shows that they truely like you (they arent stereotyping you as the nice-guy-loser, ya know) and dont try to force things to happen lastly, you over analyzed it. um you posted your situation on a forum... why would you do that?

Here's an idea. Tell the truth next time. Instead of playing stupid games and hoping the guy gets clued in - I can't imagine why you think that would work, knowing guys - just say "I'm sorry but I don't want to be with you." Seriously there's no excuse for not being honest with people. It's what guys do instead of talking about you in the bathroom. (By long-standing convention, guys don't really talk in the bathroom. At least not in the US, anyway.) The reason we have to analyze it so much is because women play stupid games instead of just telling us the truth. See above.

Dear Agent,As other posters already told you, your situation is not as unusual as you think. You were given some good advice as well. So here are my two cents:

1. Evidently you are afraid of women. That’s bad. When a dog or a horse feels your fear he bites you. People instinctively act in very similar manner. So somewhat you must get rid of your fear. Otherwise you will die as a virgin.
2. Your fear is to some extent related to your lack of self-confidence. You under-estimate your ability and your chance to attract a girl. Bullshit! Definitely there are plenty of girls for you. Just look around — can’t you see all those morons with beautiful chicks everywhere? Are you any worse than them? Of course you are not! And you know it — I am pretty sure about that! But maybe it is only your attitude, what’s wrong. Maybe you are looking for ideal woman. But when you think you just found one, you immediately start to think: How can such a perfect girl love a moron like me? And the game is over. So if this is the case, stop looking for ideal girl. Start looking for the right girl for the right man (you) — and you’ll see — the difference will be tremendous! (Remember — there is no such thing like ideal woman — it is only you who idolize her. From the other point of view — every woman is ideal in the same way you are an ideal man.)
3. Undoubtedly there is something you are good at. Everybody has something like that. So focus on it and make it your weapon. By this I do not mean to show off or brag about it in front of girls, of course. But use it as a way to improve your self-confidence. Put more energy in it, so you’ll become even better in it — your self-confidence will grow and because your mind will be more occupied, there will be less space and less time for your fears and insecurities. Your personality will grow and strong personalities have sex-appeal.
4. In your posts you talked about phone calls and text messages — funny. We have so many sophisticated communication means, but sometimes I have a feeling we forgot how to communicate. Have you ever tried to send a letter to a girl? No e-mail. A real, hand-written letter on nice sheet of paper. Bundled with box of chocolate or some flowers is pretty self-explanatory. Old fashioned? And so what? When usual things are difficult for you, try something unusual. Personally I always used letters because I felt more confident when writing than talking. Some girls were taken aback, true. They did not know how to respond, sometimes. So what? They were not the right ones for me. Finally I have found the one who responded positively. We have three kids today. But if you do not like the idea of letters, OK. Find something you are more comfortable with.
5. At last but not least — do something with you. Change your ways. Stop complaining and pitying yourself. Otherwise you will die as a virgin!

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Life has no meaning but itself.

I think it rather depends on your knack. If you have a knack for programming, that's not going to help much here.On the other hand, if you have a knack for cooking (especially pastries) then play that sh*t to the hilt, dude! As an alternative, you could pay money for sex, or do what I did - hook up with the most, uh, libidinous of your friends. Really, losing the virginity thing totally clears your head. It's so much easier to deal with women afterwards.

Obviously you took it exactly the way I did not mean it (and I believe you did it deliberately!). From my point of view programming is as handy as everything else. I did not mean it as a way to make impression, but as a way to distract oneself from this girl question little bit, built up self-confidence etc. (see my original post)But of course — cooking is good for making impression — but first you must lure the girl into your apartment somehow. True. But I would be extremely careful regarding prostitutes — bad choice can lead to traumatizing experience. libidinous friend sounds good — preferable someone with motherly instinct.------------------
Life has no meaning but itself.

Right, I realize that, but you have to realize that the confidence you get from an encyclopedic knowledge of 70's-era cop TV shows - even if it makes you really confident - is just going to evaporate in the face of females. On the other hand the confidence you get from cooking, or from bare-knuckle boxing, is only magnified by the presence of females.Confidence isn't universal. It's highly contextual. "Motherly instinct" isn't exactly the words I would have chosen. I probably would have chosen the words she chose for herself - "raging slut." (She was kidding, mostly.)

I honestly don't know what I can do well. If anything at all. I have taken up Salsa dancing lessons though. Fun, but I suck! Nevermind, even though I see an utterly gorgeous woman there. She claims never to have danced before, so I can only assume that her sexy hip-swaying movements come naturally from her shapely build.But, as a chap I know pointed out to me, all men suck at dance until the day they suddenly become masters! ------------------

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All the boys think she's a spy

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Don't feel bad. I've been told for years I'm a good dancer and women often approach me to dance with me. Buuuuut I took Salsa lessons recently too. I suck at it!It seems they are very intent on teaching all sorts of show figures and not just moving on the floor with a few twirls and such. Plus it is pretty fast music which I like but it is fast!