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Author | Topic: HOW DO I GET THE GIRL I LOVE INTO LIKING ME??? | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||
nator Member (Idle past 2200 days) Posts: 12961 From: Ann Arbor Joined: |
quote: Speak for yourself. I am married to a nerd who was very popular with women. I know plenty of nerds who have done just fine with the opposite sex, including myself and many of my friends.
quote: I think that would be counterproductive. He has a crush, and he wants advice on how to break the ice. He doesn't seem interested insleeping around.
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nator Member (Idle past 2200 days) Posts: 12961 From: Ann Arbor Joined: |
quote: Perhaps you are confusing "confidence" with "arrogance". I could always tell the difference, but maybe the women you have known aren't smart or experienced enough to have figured it out yet.
quote: ...but behaving like an asshole when one is in the presence of people who are actually, genuinely confident, or people smart and perceptive enough to tell the difference sticks out like a sore thumb. Believe me, I can tell an actually confident man from an insecure arrogant poseur in the first 10 minutes of talking to him.
quote: Being nice takes a long time to attract women? Perhaps you are confusing "being nice" with "being timid".
quote: Ah, but are the girls you "get" with that first method worth having? Is is all just a game of "getting" as many as possible with no regard for friendship, meeting each other on an intellectual or emotional level?
quote: Right. Only mature girls. So why waste your time with the immature idiot girls? I didn't waste my time on the immature, idiot arrogant boys. See, I had enough self respect in college to not put up with poor treatment, and it's true that I didn't date much. I wasn't interested in wasting my time with people I didn't connect with or people I thought were immature, arrogant idiots.
I think that would be counterproductive. He has a crush, and he wants advice on how to break the ice. He doesn't seem interested in sleeping around. quote: He didn't mention wanting to sleep around, did he?
quote: Would have worked for me in high school. Of course, maybe I was "too mature".
quote: Plenty have, but they are the ones being ignored by the jocks, so none of the nerd boys (who take their cues on who to get crushes on from the jocks) think they are worth asking out.
quote: So, do you suggest that he hit her over the head with a club and drag her to a movie by the hair?? If a boy is able to make such a connection with a girl that she consideres him her best friend, I think he has a great shot at a romantic involvement [i]as long as he is truly self confident[/b].
quote: They aren't truly confident, though. They are arrogant and insecure. Why waste your time with their techniques when the smart, mature girls see through them in a heartbeat? ...unless you don't want to attract a smart, mature girl, that is.
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nator Member (Idle past 2200 days) Posts: 12961 From: Ann Arbor Joined: |
quote: Sure there are, you just don't happen to know people like that. Pretty much all of my friends in college were exactly like me in this regard. ...of course, you might have known every single person in your high school and college, but I doubt it.
quote: Do you know every single girl in your high school well enough so that they tell you everything?
Perhaps you are confusing "confidence" with "arrogance". quote: Or just smart girls with some self-respect and confidence.
quote: Naw, that's not true. Sometimes it is, but mostly not. At least with smart girls. Arragance is swaggering disregard for other people. Confidence is kind consideration of other people and not caring if your buddies think you are a dork.
quote: The smart girls know the difference from the very begining, trust me.All my friends were just like me. There were plenty of us, not getting any attention from the boys until we got into college, because so few of them had enough confidence in middle and high school to be confident instead of arrogant. I could always tell the difference, but maybe the women you have known aren't smart or experienced enough to have figured it out yet. quote: Oh? You're a mind reader now and know what the thoughts are of women you've never talked to?
...but behaving like an asshole when one is in the presence of people who are actually, genuinely confident, or people smart and perceptive enough to tell the difference sticks out like a sore thumb. quote: The smart ones can, and there are more of us than you think.
quote: Why?
Believe me, I can tell an actually confident man from an insecure arrogant poseur in the first 10 minutes of talking to him. quote: But I WAS one of them, and YOU were not, correct? I had a bunch of friends who were just like me in high school. Maybe you don't tend to make friends with the nerds and smart girls?
Being nice takes a long time to attract women? Perhaps you are confusing "being nice" with "being timid". quote: Huh, that's news to me, being a former high-school girl and freinds with lots of other girls in high school. We all liked boys who were nice. Not timid, but personable, kind, and polite.
quote: Not for smart adults, and there are a few of those around.
quote: So, let me get this straight. In your mind, it is impossible for a boy to be both confident and nice to other people. Interesting.
quote: ...and I would say that you are not accurate here. Plenty can.
Ah, but are the girls you "get" with that first method worth having? quote: Again, the girls who do not make the mistake in the first place, or never get that far because they aren't persued by the arrogant boys (and wouldn't want that type if they were), aren't crying on your shoulder.
Is is all just a game of "getting" as many as possible with no regard for friendship, meeting each other on an intellectual or emotional level? quote: Every single one of my friends in high school became very good friends with the boys who eventually became their steady boyfriend.
quote: No, you just don't seem to know any. There are plenty.
So why waste your time with the immature idiot girls? I didn't waste my time on the immature, idiot arrogant boys. quote: Not really. One of them treats other people with respect and kindness and has a independent sense of self and the other doesn't and is more concerned with himself and what his buddies think.
quote: Like I said, there is a difference between being nice and being timid. If he never gets up the courage to ask her out, then he is too timid and that is unattractive. Being kind and confident at the same time is very, very attractive. You know, like Mortenson's Aragorn in LOTR, and Gibson's William Wallace in Braveheart. Neither one of them were arrogant, but they were confident.
quote: She isn't interested in a timid mouse who only hopes about her but never DOES anything about it. He doesn't have to be arrogant, just confident.
quote: You know, I'd like to know how many high school girls you actually know. How many nerd or ignored girls do you know?
Would have worked for me in high school. quote: No, not really. Only if they seemed kind to other people and didn't display arrogance. My biggest crushes were on nerdy, funny boys who were smart. I married one.
Plenty have, but they are the ones being ignored by the jocks, so none of the nerd boys (who take their cues on who to get crushes on from the jocks) think they are worth asking out. quote: So, do you only talk to the popular girls? Do you even know if the nerdy ignored girls give a rat's ass about the arrogant jocks?
quote: You sound like you are limiting your data to a very limited group and are wrongly extrapolating to other groups.
So, do you suggest that he hit her over the head with a club and drag her to a movie by the hair?? quote: Ewww.
If a boy is able to make such a connection with a girl that she consideres him her best friend, I think he has a great shot at a romantic involvement as long as he is truly self confident. quote: Worked for my husband and many of his friends in high school and college.
Why waste your time with their techniques when the smart, mature girls see through them in a heartbeat? quote: The smart girls aren't doing that.
quote: Worked for my husband and most of his friends. Worked for me and most of my friends.
quote: Maybe, maybe not. He will not start the relationship off in a good way by behaving like an asshole, though. That much is for sure.
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nator Member (Idle past 2200 days) Posts: 12961 From: Ann Arbor Joined: |
quote: That's because men will have sex with anything that will let them.
quote: Then what? You've pretended to be interested in her as a person, and now you've slept with her, which is all you wanted in the first place. What do you do with her now? Tell her you just wanted to sleep with her and the interest in her mind was all a lie? One might call that the behavior of a lying user.
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nator Member (Idle past 2200 days) Posts: 12961 From: Ann Arbor Joined: |
quote: Sweet Jesus, if that isn't the 100% gospel truth. Just act like a goddamned adult.
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nator Member (Idle past 2200 days) Posts: 12961 From: Ann Arbor Joined: |
quote: I don't think so. Being arrogant means that you think you are better than other people.
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nator Member (Idle past 2200 days) Posts: 12961 From: Ann Arbor Joined: |
quote: Why the cutoff at forty? I'm turning 37 next month, so do I only have another few years to be desireable? abe:...to someone who isn't impaired. This message has been edited by schrafinator, 02-01-2005 09:42 AM
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nator Member (Idle past 2200 days) Posts: 12961 From: Ann Arbor Joined: |
quote: You don't know what you're missing, dearheart. Round about 35-40 is when women 1) have a serious sexual desire peak going on, and 2) have been doing it long enough to have some seriously great skills, and 3) have tended to have worked out any issues with inhibitions and self-consciousness by now. Oh, well, guess all of that will be unavailable to you. Seems you don't deserve it anyway.
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nator Member (Idle past 2200 days) Posts: 12961 From: Ann Arbor Joined: |
quote: Ha, ha, ha, I hadn't thought of it that way before.
quote: Right on, brother.
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nator Member (Idle past 2200 days) Posts: 12961 From: Ann Arbor Joined: |
TESTIFY!
*snaps*
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nator Member (Idle past 2200 days) Posts: 12961 From: Ann Arbor Joined: |
quote: Uh, I said that these things all came together at around that point. ...meaning, just starting to ramp up. You disregard women who are 40 and older, you miss out on a great time. Anyway, suit yourself. No sense casting pearls after swine.
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nator Member (Idle past 2200 days) Posts: 12961 From: Ann Arbor Joined: |
quote: Gee, I wonder why they are cynical. You just described your "method" for getting in a woman's pants. I wonder how she would feel if you told her all about this "method" the morning after? "Hey, you know how I got you to seduce me? See, I thought you were SUPER hot and I wanted to sleep with you, so I PRETENDED to be really interested in your mind, see, cause I KNEW you would eventually seduce me, and then I would get in those hot pants of yours. Wasn't that cool?!"
quote: So, if she isn't smart, but wants to sleep with him soon, the "method" is an even bigger lie, because he was never, ever interested in her mind. This message has been edited by schrafinator, 02-03-2005 11:03 AM
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nator Member (Idle past 2200 days) Posts: 12961 From: Ann Arbor Joined: |
quote: Agreed, but "smarter than" is a subset of "better than". General arrogance tells people that they are fundamentally better than other people, not just that they have certain superior qualities or abilities. But perhaps I am splitting hairs.
quote: If you think you are better than everyone else, by definition, you think others are less than you, beneath you. Often it engenderes feelings of entitlement for oneself and feelings of contempt for others. This does not generally result in behavior that is respectful of others.
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nator Member (Idle past 2200 days) Posts: 12961 From: Ann Arbor Joined: |
How can you say you are "better" than your cat?
I can't see how the two of you are comparable.
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nator Member (Idle past 2200 days) Posts: 12961 From: Ann Arbor Joined: |
quote: Yep. Your cat can see quite well enough, in almost complete darkness, to catch a mouse without using any tools. They can also easily smell the mouse. I'll bet, without tools, you couldn't catch a mouse in broad daylight, even if you could see it. You cartainly wouldn't be able to smell it. Most of those abilities didn't have to be taught to the cat, either. They just naturally do it. That makes your cat better than you, by your measure. This message has been edited by schrafinator, 02-03-2005 12:27 AM
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