Why Would God Care?

Let's assume, for the sake of argument, that there is, in fact, a God. And not just any old God, but an elderly man, with a long white beard, who sounds a bit like James Mason. His thought process is at least superficially comparable to a human's, and he watches over all of His Creation, taking an active (if at times mysterious) hand in its development.The question I have, given this scenario, is why God would care that little Jimmy Highschoolboy touches himself at night.It's a big universe, and Jimmy is one boy, on a tiny planet, on the far end of a single galaxy. Meanwhile, God still hasn't managed to get around to licking that whole entropy thing. In the course of running all of Creation, how can it be that God's priorities include getting all pissed off that Jimmy thought a little too long about his lab partner Suzie while he was in the shower?Is it even possible that, for a being who can't help but see the Big Freakin' Picture, little Jimmy's self-abuse is even an issue?

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"I know some of you are going to say 'I did look it up, and that's not true.' That's 'cause you looked it up in a book. Next time, look it up in your gut."
-Stephen Colbert

I don't. Not specifically. There are both Biblical passages and church dogma against touching the naughties, but I'm really asking why God would care about any generally minor thing we do on this planet.Masturbation is as good an example as any. Faith and Belief, I guess.

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"I know some of you are going to say 'I did look it up, and that's not true.' That's 'cause you looked it up in a book. Next time, look it up in your gut."
-Stephen Colbert

I'm not sure what's so unpromotable about the topic.Big universe. Little people. God has tbe big universe to watch over.Why do the little sins of little people even amount to a blip on his radar?

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"I know some of you are going to say 'I did look it up, and that's not true.' That's 'cause you looked it up in a book. Next time, look it up in your gut."
-Stephen Colbert

If that's an obstacle, it's time to shut down the Faith and Belief forum. God. According to major religions, cares whether we sin.The universe. Big place. God has the whole thing to concern himself with. If God is concerned with our sins, God has whacked out priorities. Please explain.Don't really know how much more specific I can make it. Frankly, this is starting to feel like an episode of the Twilight Zone where the guy suddenly can't speak English, but thinks he's still speaking English, and doesn't get why no one can understand him. Thanks, but I had an honest question, not a desire to participate in a digital roleplaying game.