Marriage – What is it and what’s the point?

I think I know the reason for the unhappiness. Let me guess, neither side wants to give up grounds.My wife and I are very happy with each other. I can't imagine living without someone like her at this point in my life. (And I'm also happy to say that I can finally tell people I'm in my late 20's... happy birthday to me.) I think the difference between us and most other couples is I'm actually a pretty cool person in real life (I know it's hard to imagine). When I get mad about something, I take a short drive around town. My wife is a brutally honest person. As an example, last time we visited her parents, her parents' internet router was acting up. I jokingly complained that their internet sucked. On our way back, she told me directly in a calm voice to never criticize anything about her parents' home again. I said ok.My observation of other couples is they tend to make a big deal out of nothing. Sometimes, we watch in amazement as other couples argue with each other over the tiniest things.IMHO, you have two choices about marriage: you could either make it a stressful experience or you could make it an enjoyable experience.Edited by Taz, : No reason given.

Well, me, too. But that phrase implies that your spouse is wrong but you're willing to admit fault just to keep the peace. I see it as demeaning.There are ways we can confront our spouses of their faults without stirring things up.That example about my wife telling me never to criticize anything about her parents' house again. She could have brought it up in a really bad way, like yelling from the top of her lungs. She could have been crying while doing it. She could even have told me to fuck off. But instead, she told me directly that it hurt her feelings when I say things like that.On my part, I could have been defensive about it and yelled at her saying I was only joking and she was taking it too seriously. I could have been sarcastic about it. I could have even lied and said "ok, you're right, I was a jackass."I still think there was nothing wrong with me joking about the internet thing. At the same time, I realize that it upsetted her. A simple "ok, I understand" was sufficient.I guess what I'm trying to say in too many words is I am convinced mutual understanding is the key. You can both be right and be happy. When you try to convey something that have upsetted you, say how you feel, not how bad the other person is. For example, take a look at the following statements. No, I didn't come up with this on my own. I got it from a book about successful marriage I once read."Why the hell do you have to be so loud in the morning and wake everyone up with you?""I know you're in a hurry in the morning, but I would really appreciate it if you could be a little quieter in the morning. I really need to get some sleep."It's really how you say it instead of what you say.

This may sound silly to you, but when I first hooked up with my now wife, I went to the library and got a bunch of books on successful marriage and marriage psychology. The key is not to let your emotion take over you.And that old belief that husband and wife have to argue to make the marriage work? It's a load of bullshit.Case in point. One time I went to visit an old friend from college in the city. When I got there, she and her boyfriend were screaming off the top of their lungs at each other. After a little nosing in, I finally figured out what happened. She came back from work catching him talking with his ex on the phone. Despite the fact that they were living about 1000 miles apart, my friend still were filled with jealousy and rage.I don't think it's healthy. I don't think it's the best way to keep the relationship going. And from my point of view, if I really love my partner, I wouldn't have to worry because I trust her completely. We're both secure enough to allow the other person some personal freedom. Why be so clingy and emotional about little things?Again, my wife is brutally honest at times to me. I've heard her criticize me about everything from me being inconsiderate to my breath smelled. None has ever turned into a fight. I've only had a couple criticisms of my wife, and one of them is her being a little too emotional at times. Again, neither of us understand why people have the need to make such a big deal out of the tiniest things.Here is a quote from a movie that I found very useful. "We're both damaged goods, but we're goods nonetheless." Everyone's got issues. We just need to understand them and deal with them accordingly. Even when I was dragged to see that boring movie Brokeback Mountain, I went anyway without making a scene and endured almost 2 boring hours of gay cowboys kissing *shudders*.Anyway, my advice to you is you should slowly steer your girlfriend toward the right direction, not make a confrontation. Slowly make her understand that you want to know how she feels, not how she thinks you and everyone else feel.

I see nothing wrong with his statement there. Many of us come from very religious and conservative families. Yes, we can sit here all day and say screw our family as long as we're happy. But the reality is for many of us we can't just shut our families out. May be you can, but I can't, damn it. Not all of us are as lucky to have come from more open minded families.